A New Beginning

Chapter 23

A New Beginning

To tell the truth is a hard thing to do when someone dies for real. Sometimes it is used to clear the way for a new character or end one's journey. Like my series of fiction where Doctor Hatfield doesn’t die instead, he becomes something more. But this is real life, so no fiction is told. I would like to think that he lives on in all of us for he has truly touched many hearts here in Santaquin as we drive by his office here on Main Street seeing another Doctors name splashed on the window. Yet the fight to keep me and my brother Aaron safe doesn’t end with him; even though my parents may wish it. No. Someone else must take up the fight and strap on the gear to fight the monsters that think they have the right to abuse children.

He was a good friend and one of the best Doctors I will have ever known, his laugh was infectious, his smile always warmed you. I still miss him even today as I think of all the sacrifices he’s made for all of us, not expecting a single reward for any of it. The world will truly miss him as we say goodbye to him as he rests beneath the earth next to his wife and next to his three children, but life goes on. The bad and the good whether we want it to or not.

* * *

 

The World is Silent

By Eric Shepherd

 

The world is silent as it hushed by the wind. Shadows darkness lingers as it moans our loss. Spirits walk softly as they embrace our loved ones.

 

The world is silent as it hushed by the wind. Rain falls gently as carries our cries and sorrows as it gently washes them the way. Sun shines to warm our sadden souls. Birds sing their joyous wonders as they spread their cheer and lighten our hearts, pushing our sadness away.

The world is silent as it is hushed by the wind carrying our sorrows away.

 

In dedication to

Doctor Hatfield and Aunty M

As they depart into the hereafter

* * *

 

It was a sad time for us as we reflected on one's life as we miss and grieve for our newly departed. Knowing deep inside of each of us their journey has just begun. A rose for sadness and a rose for gladness as we wish them well and say goodbye until we meet again.

The world seemed empty and wrong, even more so as I dreaded going home for the weekend; it frightened me more than monsters under the bed or hiding in the closet. To me, my parents were the monsters that freighted me the most. Jeff too was agitated as he paced back and forth in my room while we waited for social services to come to pick me up. Ma and Pa were beside themselves as they worried for my welfare; yet trying to stay positive and strong for my sake.

Sometimes I would hear my Ma crying as Pa held her in his arms; other times I would hug them both tightly telling them I would be fine and how much I truly loved them. Yet inside I was shaking with fear. I prayed asking God why? Asking for protection, knowing he had yet to answer a single prayer; as always he was silent. Jeff would sit next to me trying to console me that if they killed me he would always be with me no matter what, not very comforting coming from a ghost.

Nobody was happy when the time came. Ma rushing down the porch with a sack full of sandwiches and my favorite double chocolate cookies in case I got hungry later on and knowing how my mother cooks didn’t make her feel any better. With a tearful hug while I clang tightly to Ma and Pa forcing social services to break us apart. I was whisked away once more from the family that truly loved me; as I watched with tears streaming down my cheeks. My brothers and sisters waving while they chased me down the street until they couldn’t see me anymore.

Every visit I would climb the stairs as if they were my gallows. My executioners waited inside, their angry eyes bent hard as steel as I was quickly ushered to my prison cell. Hearing social services giving warnings regarding my care; my father growled as my mother quickly said. “Don’t mind him… now that my son is home things can return back to normal.”

I shivered inside at the mere thought of what “normal” was, seeing Aaron in worn out secondhand clothes, not even a hobo would use to blow his noses with. He had lost weight again since the last time I had seen him. He would quickly cling to me as I hugged him tight letting him cry softly against me while I stroked his stub short hair. I cursed softly knowing my parents must have bought another set of hair clippers; wondering if I found them that I could smash them like I had done the others.

It hadn’t been two hours before grandma knocked on the door with her over night bag. I felt a sudden relief seeing her standing in the door way looking proud as peacock showing off his feathers. My mother growled with surprised rage. “What the hell are you doing here?” My sisters squealed with delight as they rushed quickly to her, pushing each other out of the way to be the first one to greet her.

Grandma quickly hugged them with quick kiss closed the door sitting her bags down on the coach then striding quickly over to me and my brother. “Keeping a promise,” she said. My mother was angry as I watched her jaw tighten. My father just stood there like he was made from stone; eyeing the door and her. 

Grandma quickly tsk’ ed at my brother in regards to the state he was in. Her fingers rubbing the thin material as it tore a new hole in his shirt, looking down to the large holes at the knees. She tried to laugh as my brother wiggled his bear toe in both his socks and seeing his bear ankles sticking out the other side. His face smudged with dirt and left over jam. She frowned at how short his hair was and tsk’ ed seeing how skinny he was. Saying; “it looks like I have arrived in the neck of time seeing the state these boys are in.”

My mother tried to say that I had just arrived and these were Aaron's play clothes. Grandma gasped at the word “play clothes” quickly went down the hall opening our closet and dresser finding more of the same. Asking where are his good clothes, the new sneakers she had bought him two months ago? Throwing the secondhand rags onto the floor; knowing exactly where they went.

My father coming in soon after growled angrily saying they were doing their best trying to keep them all in clothes. Hoping to sell the lie. While grandma looked for a simple mark that Ma and she put in both mine and his clothing. Not finding it, tossing each article of clothing into the trash can. Tuning slightly to my sisters as they show her all their new dresses and dolls they had just gotten just for being good.

There was nothing new in Aaron’s room regarding new toys or clothing as I hugged him tight whispering that everything would be all right. Knowing deep down it would never be all right, but I had to be strong for him. Grandma was on a rampage looking through cabinets and the fridge and freezer for food. Finding very little of anything as my mother said we were planning on going out tonight and do some shopping tomorrow. My father gasped in surprise noting it was news to him, but didn’t dare contradict her; and not with his mother breathing down his neck. Saying she is more than welcome to come.

Grandma's eyes drilled new holes stating she would and that she had planned to stay the weekend if he wouldn’t mind setting the cot up in the girl's room. My parents were beyond shocked trying to plaster a fake smile on their face for none of them were really happy. Two hours later Aaron was bathed and dressed in the best secondhand rags she could find, fingering the holes in his sneakers that were two sizes too big confirming what my parents have done with my brother’s new clothes.

The home visit went by with out coming to blows or new bruises, yet there was plenty of yelling and screaming. Least not forget cuss words I have never heard my grandmother ever say when came to dealing with my parents. I for one was grateful for my grandmother making sure my parents didn’t kill me or lay one hand on me. Plus knowing I was returning to the Downing’s and all the love that awaited me there. I felt bad that Aaron had to live in that house of horrors. Hoping against hope that I would be able to save him as I prayed each night for his protection; I questioned why I still prayed as I sat with Jeff knowing he was leaving me for a time, but knowing he would be watching over me and my brother.

I questioned what I was doing wrong that God would refuse to answers my prayers? For he always remained silent. I felt no calmness, no burning inside, no thoughts that weren’t mine; and I certainly haven’t seen any angels standing to protect me. I’ll I could feel was the deep coldness and sadness that surrounded me and the anger that radiated from my parents and sisters. I felt no love, but the hatred so deep it seemed to paralyze me in place. It was a contrast between living here with the Downing’s and living with my parents and sisters

Every time a home visit came up Grandma or Aunt Margaret would trade places making sure my parents didn’t lay a finger on me keeping a promise to me and the Downings. My mother complained to her shrink and DDS regarding this promise saying how can they bond with their son; if he is always within reach of either my grandmother or my Aunt Margaret? Stating that there should be rules and guidelines against it. 

Aunty M knew the laws and rules better than anyone; could quote them like scripture. There was nothing my parents could do regarding it for there were no rules at the time stating a family member could not come or stay during a home visit.

Of course, my mother was furious about it. My father would make him self scares, either working late or leaving early to avoid them altogether. My mother had a very hard time trading my brother’s clothes and toys for secondhand ones before getting caught red handed coming out of the store with a fist full of new crisp bills from trading in the clothing. Having to return back inside and reclaim them and giving back a quick pay-day while Aunty M watched tapping her foot scowling, saying words I am sure a sailor would blush. It was a long while before my mother tried that again. The hair clippers seemed to have gone missing as I watched grandma quickly placed the end of the cord into her purse.

My mother tearing the place apart looking for them; Grandma stating she has made an appointment for me and my brother for a much need hair cut. My mother growled slamming cabinet doors and drawers closed in anger. It was the last time she was ever allowed to touch my brother’s hair. After Grandma bought a years worth of haircuts from a friend at the beauty parlor that does her hair once a month or for any special occasion; renews it year after year.

I would have never made it through the home visits without Aunty M and Grandma always watching our back. But didn’t stop the beatings after they had left, leaving Aaron completely helpless. He too began to have missing teeth more than most kids his age thanks to my father. I always felt guilty that I had parents that loved me where he was left isolated without the love and the care. It would eat me a live most nights finding out days later that my parents lost their temper and I wasn’t there to protect him or take the beating for him.

When it came to the DDS and the State finding out, my parents were good about hiding it under a rug and putting on a fake smile. It just shows how diligent some people are who really care regarding a child’s welfare. Even though it was a violation on their part according to the contract my mother signed, proving it was a whole different problem. Not to mention they never really go out of their way to dig for the truth. In most cases, it was a slap on the wrist saying bad parents don’t do it again and went on with their lives.

It was the month of October when we got word that our new home was nearly finished. It was the best news we had gotten in a very long time. Pa was dancing a jig in the wide open space of Ma’s new dining room, trying to find away to surprise Ma. It wasn’t a hard decision mind you. Pa and us boys have been working hard out in the barn building her a new dinning room table and chairs. Pa built it out of walnut and was roughly the scale or had the potential of becoming the scale as the one we used at the sheep ranch, but Pa wasn’t about to tell her that. Some secrets or best kept under a tight lip, but Ma was always good about finding secrets. This table could easily seat 25 to 30 people and still have elbow room.

Even though we had very little furniture, it still seemed like home to us. Sure, the walls needed painting and the windows were bare and the house echoed loudly our screams and footsteps as we ran up and down the stairs to slide down on the new banister. What more could we ask for? As we danced until we dropped staring up at the bare ceiling.  It was home, our home as I looked across the room at Pa and my brothers as he tells us to go up and pick out our rooms. It was weird having to pick instead of having something already picked out for you, taking the first room off to the left and right across the hall from Will, with Robert right next to him.

We would share a large bathroom with three gust rooms and large nursery and playroom. On the main floor contained Ma and Pa’s master bedroom complete with walk in closet and large bathroom for them to share. Turning right around the corner three more bedrooms and laundry room with another large bathroom. Ma’s kitchen was double the size of her old one with a large island counter in the middle, complete with sink and stove; with another against the wall. Leaving space for a double refrigerator waiting to be unpacked and placed in its new home.

Pa built the cabinets out of red cherry giving Ma lots of room for all her many new pots and pans and gadgets. Robert, Will and I built Ma a new cabinet to hold her new fine china while Pa built some smaller pieces besides the new dining table. Pa spared no expense regarding things for the house. Instead of spending time and labor on the things he could not make he used the money where it was needed most; his family. Plus he sprung for central air that would keep us warm during the winter month and cool during the summer. It was the newest thing since sliced bread according to Mr. Stringum and would save money in the long run by not having to have an electric fan in every room.

Pa called Ma telling her not to prepare dinner ordering 10 large pizzas and several orders of our favorite bread-sticks. Handing the money to Mr. Whitmore and his boys and whispered in Mrs. Whitmore ear regarding two dozen long stem roses before they run out the door. Our job was to set the table with Ma’s fine china for us and the Whitmore family; making a call to Aunt Mary and Aunt Lizzy asking them to bring each a salad and a desert. 

Within two hours everything and everyone was ready to spring the surprise on Ma as he quickly went after the rest of our family. It was hard waiting as or tummies grumbled while the hot fresh pizza and bread-sticks begged us to eat them. Ma and rest of our family soon arrived as Pa placed a blindfold over Ma’s eyes while my sisters carefully guided her into the house.

As soon as Pa took off the blindfold handing her the two dozen roses… Ma gasped placing her right hand over her mouth. She was speechless for about ten seconds, that’s Ma. Before the tears started to flow seeing her new dining room table and chairs; her eyes roamed the room and until they fell on each one of us. Running over to give us each a hug and lots of kisses as we came up for air. 

Pa calmly pulled out Ma’s chair, sliding her neatly in place and taking his seat at the other end of the table. Placing the roses in a vase and set them on the table. It was cozy and warm as we watched the fire dance in the fireplace in the living room. Its shadows rough and dark in a strange dance; two larger chandlers draped with clear glass crystals as the lights radiated a warm glow.

Ma still wiping tears as she looked down the table at each of us and around the room. Pa standing to raise a toast to our new home as he welcomed each of us home; sitting down and taking a large bite of Pizza, adding salad and bread-sticks to his plate. It was a long while before Ma could speak before getting choked up while she fingered the table saying thank you over and over.

It was a hard thing to say goodbye to our home as we returned back to our borrowed home. Since all our belongings and beds were there waiting for us there. Plus we had to wait until Mr. Stringum and his boys painted our rooms before we could actually use them; so with a heavy sigh and one maybe two more nights as we snuggle deep inside our borrowed beds beneath or borrowed home. We dreamt of all the things good and wonderful that we can do in our new home.

The Downing’s have always been an early riser, with chores to do like feeding the chickens and our new cows Clementine and Rose and our other barnyard animals scattered far and wide. We boys took care of the ones here at our borrowed home while Pa and Aunty M took care of the ones back at our farm. Ma and my sisters prepared breakfast as we boys took turns with our sisters, either in the kitchen helping Ma or doing chores outside. The work was fair as we all did our part, that’s what makes a farm run smoothly with lots of love and kindness. I looked forward to each new day as I gave my Pa and Ma a hug and tell them how much I truly loved them before going to school each day.

While we were in school Ma finalized the colors she had chosen for each room, Plus the color choices of our new bedrooms. I had chosen a light blue with rich green curtains for my room. Will had chosen a lime green with dark blue curtains. Robert couldn’t decide and chose to mix our two colors together, having two walls one color and the other two another color adding white stripes along the wall. Mr. Stringum laughed, we all did. Yet it was the coolest room ever when it was finished. Ma found a large checkerboard pattern that seemed to fit the room’s mood for his curtains.

It didn’t take long for us to move considering we didn’t have much, to begin with. Aunty M and Pa had decided to sell some cattle and sheep wool and some of Ma’s and Pa’s working capital from the lumber mill and Ma ‘s cotton and fabric mill; reminding her that they still needed to close the deal in the near future. Perhaps after the baby is born I will come back to that part of the story. So I will quickly give the highlights of our trip to Salt Lake City Utah.

Pa and Aunty M had many contacts regarding purchases orders regarding homemade furniture sales and newly required sales of items such as Beef cattle, fabric and cotton, and wool. To say Pa was good at business from across the states was true enough as I have said early on we weren’t rich; we never went without either, but the things he needed personally he had to personally attend to them. Yet was true if he had to, he could have ordered everything by catalog or by phone since the internet hadn’t been invented yet; and no we did not live in the stone age nor were we pioneers that crossed the plains.

It would be at least another 8 years for the World Wide Web. Computers were still in their DOS stage. Which at the time it was commented that government would only need to run five computers, which later became a laughed at statement as it now takes several government buildings filled with computers to run our nation. It even surpassed thought that each American home would have a computer in their home. Later stating at least five or more would soon take their place and be common knowledge. This became known as the computer age.

So it was decided as we waited for the finishing touches that we would all play hooky from school by leaving an extra day to do some shopping for the home and also do some Christmas shopping while we visited one of the biggest cities near us, other words paint the town.  

We invited the Whitmore family to join us as they have done so much for us, plus it just seemed wrong not to spend this time without our very close friends. It took four cars for all of us as Aunty M made a quick phone call to a car rental place in Provo, reserving our transportation as our parents quickly picked up the cars while our sisters each packed us a quick sack lunch to tide us over.   Pa quickly packed our overnight bags into the cars with quick once over at our new home we were on our way.

(Again cliff notes).

When we arrived Aunty M insisted we stay at the Marriott Hotel, with its fancy decor and red carpet that made you feel like you were royalty. With a quick swipe of her credit card we were living in the style of the rich and famous. We did lots of fun things like riding the trolley and the younger boys Sam and Ted visited the zoo and the carousel with their Aunty M. The rest of us quickly devoted or self to buying pre-Christmas gifts with the money we had earned doing chores and working for Mr. Stringum after school and our allowance. 

Ma wanted a large family picture to hang above the fireplace in the living room and a bunch of individual ones as well. Pa treated the ladies to a beauty treatment while he managed to get all the boys haircuts so we all would look nice for the pictures.

We were lucky having Aunty M knowing so many friends as we painted the town from one side and down the other. As we each had a new tux and sweaters for the younger boys and fancy ball gowns for the ladies. I tell you we looked smart. We had arrived just in time when Salt Lake City was holding their annual fall ball sponsored by the Marriott Hotel. It was a magical night as we arrived in horse and carriage; the lights glittering brightly in the trees; as we rode down the street with the sound of clip-clop from the horses.

We danced the night away amongst our friends and family. Yes, it was like the world stopped as we danced and laughed the night away. We needed a distraction from life and all the bad things that had happened to us during the year. Yet it was soon time to go home, but even that was exciting while we waited for all our new furniture to arrive and the presents that we had wrapped with brown paper and string. We didn’t mind sleeping on the floor in our newly painted rooms as we snuggled warmly in our sleeping bags. All that mattered was that we were home and that was good enough for us.