Trading places part 2

Chapter 47-1

Trading places

Part 2

 

It hadn’t been more than an hour before I dozed off when the sleeping solution began to work. Yet it still wasn’t strong enough to subdue the night terrors. Waking up screaming in the middle of the night reliving my father beating the crap out me and my brother Aaron in the boiler-room; I hated basements, I feared them. It didn’t matter where the basement was; it would always bring on a panic attack. Being medicated made it more of a challenge because my mind was asleep but my body wasn’t. It was like being in two places at the same time. I was consumed by the dream and I was jumping from one realty too another in a blink of an eye. I would literally climb the walls in my cage like an animal trying to get out.

I would scream in terror watching my father come at me with his belt, jerking in pain as each time the belt hit me. Sometimes falling on the floor rolling and thrashing about screaming at my invisible phantoms; it made me look like an insane person while I watched my self back on video. Whenever they recorded an episode having me describe what I was going through.

There was no longer a doubt in Mom and Dads mind. That the church boiler-room was not something I made up; or what my parents had done to me before I came to live with them instead of going with the Downing’s. Yet neither did they try to contact them or let them take me. Fearing what I know about what was taking place in their home. Keeping their dark secrets out of the public’s eyes; instead, they changed their tactics and keeping me isolated from the outside world as much as possible. Instructing harsher guidelines to ensure their safety and mine.

Once again I found my self cold and wet wrapped tightly in my cocoon resting my head on Dads chest holding me tight as I woke enough to repeat my safe words before he or Shane would free me. Mom taking my stats after each episode which would cause my fever to spike and my blood pressure to go beyond the normal limits. When I had wakened enough; even though I was still slightly medicated and dizzy, but not enough too put me to sleep on its own.

Shane and I would begin my breathing exercises while the rest of them went back to bed. It was also that same night that Shane I began to sleep in the same bed to prevent me from going too deep into a night terror. I know that sounds creepy, but neither of us was gay. For me and him it was like sleeping with your brother or sister or being in bed with your parents as a child. Well except my parents, but it did happen with the Steeds and more often with the Downing’s, even sometimes Aunty M would crawl in bed with me during a thunderstorm or after a sever night terror.

My night terrors had seemed to increases more and more after I had left the Downing’s, for obvious reasons. That had to do with Mom and Dad and the server abuse in the home. Like I said earlier, Dad and Mom could change their mood in a single heartbeat; going from loving parents to the abuser. Even though it came across that being a foster kid in that home would end up with the more angrier side than being one of their own children. They still ended up with the abused side of the coin, one of the main reasons they were afraid of their own parents. Mom may have been gentler then Dad when it came to abuse, but she to had a mean side and could dish it out when she was angry. She was also a lot calmer and loving then Dad. Like I said love is a fickle thing when you describe it in this home.

Shane would hold me against him, his warm bare chest would be my pillow so I could feel the soothing calm of his breath and the calm rhythm of his heart when we slept together as brothers. It was like he… was me... me protecting Aaron from the monsters outside our door and in the darkness of the boiler-room. Personally, I liked having a big brother and sister instead me being the oldest, to feel the loved and safe in another person's arms, instead me having to be the strong one protecting and sheltering them from the storm.

Mom would cover my shoulders and feel my cheeks and forehead. Leaving the room to fix breakfast as Dad climbed into the shower getting ready for work. Asking if I was alright; whispering not knowing I could hear the faintest sound as they walked in there stocking or barefoot. Trying not to wake me and Shane until it was necessary. Instead, I snuggled closer to Shane as his arm tightened around me letting me know I was safe in his arms. 

When breakfast was on the table Mom came in to wake us hearing Kerry says. “She had never seen two boys so peaceful as if they were truly were brothers,”

Mom agrees that it was first for her said. “Shane had not once bond with the other boys, Eric was the first in breaking the barrier wall. And I couldn’t be happier for both of them. But now I have to wake them and its shame.” I saw a flash of a camera under my eyelid. Feeling the blush on my cheeks as I quickly opened my eyes. Mom smiling as she rolled the film to the next picture. That she would blow up and hang it on the wall in large frame titled “God embracing his children” engraved underneath in stainless steel. Jody still wishing she had taken her own titled. “Naked In Moonlight:” asking us if we pose for her some time as we scowled at the suggestion.

I used to have a copy of the picture, but my father burned it cutting it up into small pieces. Telling me it was one thing to sleep with my brother Aaron, and quite another to sleep in another boys arms. Calling me a murdering f*g and the most worthless piece of crap he had ever seen. It didn’t matter how many times I yelled that Shane was as much as my brother as Aaron was, or my Downing brothers and sisters. He still considered me one because of that picture. I remember crying as he burned every document, every journal, every letter and picture I had owned. That would remind him and me of the love I had felt and none of it came from him.

Shane stretched and yawn said, “that time already?” Looking at the clock that read 5 am Tuesday morning

Mom said. “You could shower after you come back dropping everyone off at school, considering Eric only has a slight fever and she could stick him in the tub right after breakfast,” then changed her mind. Asking if I would prefer the shower and she could do other things that needed to be done; leaving me in there until Shane came back. I nodded that would fine. Knowing how I hate the tub, wondering if I will ever get over the fear of being in it. Dad told us just to leave our beds where they are since he hadn’t decided yet what to do about Shawn and Arthur yet. Having Shane go down and get him and put him in the shower and get him ready for school.

Mom still liked things neat and tide, but today she was breaking a rule just helped me to the table so she can take my stats before breakfast. While she waited for everyone to come to the table, feeling short-handed not having Shawn or trusting Shawn with the responsibly in helping with Arthur in the morning.

Dad had refused Shawn to dress at the table, but Mom overruled him saying he was being too harsh on Shawn and he wasn’t one of his inmates at the prison. Dad growled “Karen he willing to beat Arthur, he punished him without permission. Who’s to say he hadn’t done this to other foster kids we have had in this home. I refuse Shawn to become another James, not now, not ever. I will no longer let it continue… If you’re worried about his dignity, don’t; when we live with a house full of boys Karen. Boys that you, Jody and Kerry have bathed since they were babies have changed their diapers for Christ sake. Our boys have run, and played through this house naked from the day they were born.”

Mom lost the argument as she watched Dad bring Shawn to the table. She gripped the counter and looked at the clock and took several deep breaths before she put on her fake smile and calmed her manner as if everything was fine and glorious. Yet she knew Dad had a point. When she looked around the table seeing not a shirt in sight except for her husband and the girls were still in their nightgowns. Even they have run through this house when they were Jason and Jared age as if they were one of the boys. Mom sighed seating down next to me, took Kerry’s hand and mine, Shane taking the other and Dad prayed. Too everyone else but me, this was a normal day in the Rothwell home.

But the most important part about today was when Dad went to work, Moms in charge. Not Dad; and all of us keep that a secret. ‘What Dad doesn’t know he doesn’t need to know.’ Mom handed Shawn a pair of boxers and hugged him wiping his tears away as she put calamine lotion on him, kissed him on his cheek, telling him how much she loved him and how sorry she was and went on with her day.

I knew Shawn hated me as his eyes said it all, I knew eventually we would have to get along. I didn’t say a word just grabbed a broom and set to my task. Mom smiled as she watched me sweep the entryway hallway; both knowing it was Shawn’s job and I could have just climbed into the shower, or read one my novels while I waited for Shane. All she said. “That’s my tiger.” and squeezed my shoulders. Shawn would growl and I would growl back giving him my ferocious tiger look; then continued on with my tasks helping my brother.

By the time Shane came back, I had started vacuuming. Shane smiled and grabbed a rag started dusting; while Shawn washed the walls. None of said anything as we worked as a team to complete as many of the chores we could before it was time for us to go and still have time to share a shower between the two of us. I knew I could have showered alone and Mom could have helped wash my back, but I felt it was more important to help my brother. Even though he hated me and didn’t want my help nor did he ask for my help. To me he was still my brother and perhaps he to would be my friend.