Never Alone

Chapter 123

Never Alone

Dinner was nothing special other than a relaxing moment of conversation, and because it was dinner my adoptive Mom all made us boys were shirts and shorts, even the woman were required to cover up. I hated the fact that it was back to normal as usual, I liked it better when we were at the nudist colony eating outside on the deck all of us sitting in the raw. Now we were home and rules just seemed so unfair, after being naked for so long it was like everyone was hiding behind a lie, hiding secrets.

Most people would consider us not normal, in fact, they would think we were all immoral because we all liked being naked instead of hiding behind clothing. But too us being nude all the time, we didn’t feel naked we felt normal and safe; we felt loved because everyone was sharing their selves with us; showing their variability that shows us who they really are. Not what the world thinks they are hidden beneath a false pretenses.

It wasn’t just sex it was something more special like kind of spiritual awareness. A closeness to nature and god and all the beauty all around us; it’s really hard to put into words, but because of that experiences it changed my life forever.

Very few people understand it and judge me for what they don’t understand. I am not saying the sex wasn’t great, because it was. I am saying that not having sex every waking moment and ignoring the nakedness was the most important thing for me and my family as well as my friends. If I am going to hell for it I will have lots of company. I will let God judge me for it, for he is the only one that really knows what’s in our hearts and it was love, more love then I had ever felt during my entire life.

I hated the idea of Shawn and Arthur going to the pool with us, but I understood the logic behind it. It was to humiliate them as Mom and Dad dressed them each in a bikini and had them wear a shower cap that Mom had made special for the pool. With a wig glued to the cap so when it got wet it would stay on, as well as waterproof makeup to make them look more girlish.

They weren’t allowed out of the kiddy pool as Jody, Mom and Dad took turns babysitting them. They even walked out from the ladies room with the girls. Instead of stuffing their bikini tops with tissue paper or water-balloons. Mom sewed special plastic inserts to give them the look of small realistic breasts, including hardens n*****s. I would have to say they were the ugliest girls I had ever seen, but they did look like girls if you didn’t get to close.

Not even in church where they dressed as boys, and they never went to priesthood or Sunday school they always went with Mom and our friend’s mothers. The only time they went as boys anywhere in public was to school and like I used do they had to check in with a time-card to each of their classes. If they got caught trying to cheat the system they got a whipping of a lifetime. Even their teachers were held accountable when Dad or Mom would do a surprise’s visit to ensure they were in class.

The teachers were told to be strict and inform them of any disruptive behavior stating the facts that if they say they are mistreated at home or say if they are forced to wear girls clothing. That it was untrue they are cross-dressers seeking attention, showing pictures of them as such playing with dolls. Telling them they have been fighting a losing battle when it comes to their clothing choices. That it is one of the reasons they are here at this school besides their disruptive behavior, and getting into fights. I didn’t have to ask where Mom and Dad got the affidavits regarding Shawn and Arthur supporting the ideas. I simply knew Mr. Stringum was behind it.

While we were at the pool my adoptive Mom paid my registration fees for my swim team, and my other curricular activities, all under my new Rothwell name. No one question the name change, because I had been living with the Rothwell’s for over three years.

All Mom had to do was show the adoption papers as well as a copy of my birth certificate, and my mother was there too verify it was an open adoption. Even though it wasn’t finalized with the family court it was noted it would be or in the process of according to my caseworker. Keeping me in the system for medical insurance and that very needed paycheck that paid for most of my expenses until my 18th birthday.

Or until either of my parents messed up big time, but for now, everyone knew I was a Rothwell. Even though I wished it would have been a Downing, but if I couldn’t have them I would choose the Rothwell’s even though it was a more of a love, hate, relationship compared to the Downing’s. I really loved them both. Having my mother do a one-eighty and not only support my lifestyle she jumped in with both feet. I only wish she had when I was given the chance with the Downing’s.

It doesn’t matter how many times she said she was sorry, I really had a hard time forgiving her for that, because if she did it back then, I am sure my Ma and Pa would have come to the same arrangement and instead of a closed adoption it would have been open and she still could have been in my life. True I wouldn’t have become a nudist, but not everyone is perfect. Either way, I could have had a happy life.

Why is it that Shawn and Arthur always have to ruin our fun? Mostly it was because Arthur crapped his diaper in the pool and Shawn through a hissy fit because he was being humiliated in front of his old friends that had come to the pool. It would have been better if they stayed home locked into their room.

I remember the days that Arthur didn’t have a problem of using the bathroom on his own. Now he does it because he thinks it funny, and I knew it had to do with Shawn or the anger he had inside of him because he was sent to the mental hospital, because of his behavior problems and liked being sexually abused. I wish I could put all the blame on Shawn and his friends or the fact that Arthur is mentally retarded but I can’t.

Dad had Mom walk them out of the girl’s restroom as he manhandled them out to the car and took them home. Dirty diaper and all, It was a good thing Jody noticed it as it started leaking through as Arthur was sticking his hands inside of it exposing the stink before he was able to rub all over himself.

I felt bad for Dad having to deal with it because that meant his fun with us was over. It also meant we all had to get out of the pool so they could put chemicals into the pool and let it filter out. Our fun was over for everyone because of that.

Mom growled that next time we come to the pool as a family they will be locked up tight inside their rooms. The reason they weren’t was because they were still waiting for a better door that neither of them could break through and wouldn’t arrive until Friday or Saturday.

The best they could do was put a strong latch outside the door at the top and the bottom, but the door was made of wood. So if it was kicked enough times Shawn could break the door down. It was either that or chain them to their beds, having to explain to the gym coach when they showered how the raw rings around their wrists and ankles got there and child services would be called and wouldn’t be my caseworker. It didn’t matter if they wrapped the cuffs with tape or cloth it still left the marks. Cross-dressing was one thing, being held prisoner was another.

I still think prison would have been better and leaving Arthur in a mental intuition for the rest of his life, but it was the paycheck they wouldn’t get and that what was supporting our family and paid the mortgage on the house. Mom had considered going to work full-time and having Dad pick up more hours. If that happened neither of them would be home to take care of us.

Plus Mom still believed that a married woman with children needed to be home not working full-time jobs, one of the main things the LDS harp on is the woman belongs at home with her children. They can work when they are in school, but when they come home they needed to be there.

Jonathan wouldn’t be in the first grade for another 2 years where he wouldn’t come home until 3 o’clock instead of noon. So there was no way Mom could go to work full-time away from home, with only three hours leave time.

Jody would be at BYU and Kerry had her own life and could fill in from time to time if Mom needed to go to the store or run errands. It still bothers me that Jonathan was raped when he was three years old for his birthday present from Shawn and he had just turned 4 two weeks ago. He acts older then he really is because he had to grow up faster because of Shawn.

People always tell me life is just unfair and bad things just happen. Personally, I think that’s a load of crap because it is the people around you that could stop most of the bad things from happening. Like the LDS church and some of our neighbors as well as relatives knowing that my parents abused us and did nothing to stop it when they could have instead of turning a blind eye stating; “out of sight out of mind or not my problem.”

Bishop Earl couldn’t spend the night because he had to be at work in Payson around 7:30 and he would have to get up early. And when he got home he would have to turn around and do church business until almost 9 pm. According to Greg and his mother, he was soon to be released in the next few months because the ward was being divided and a new church house was being built in the lower half in Santaquin it was still a secret so nobody knew that except a few. That meant we would have four wards instead of three in the only church house in the city of Santaquin, which stated it was growing.

Even today after 30 years we have 6 church houses and our downtown is still the same size as it was when we first moved here, and it now has 3 stop lights. Two of them were put in the last year 2012, the third is being put in somewhere around August of this year 2013. It also has three elementary schools and everyone is still bused to Payson Jr. High and High school. It was also an early night for me and Greg as well as Cindy and Jody, we all had to be at work around 10 am.

Stringum was letting us sleep in because we were all in Highland and our dates would be by to pick us up around 1 or 2 pm. I wouldn’t call working for Mr. Stringum a job. Considering all he has done for me over the years and the benefits package wasn’t bad either or how much he pays us is far more than us working for the Dairy Queen or the local gas station. It was three times the minim wage which was 2.30 an hour whereas today it is 7.50.

It’s hard to believe that people worked for so little back then. I made more money working for Mr. Stringum and mowing lawns and other odd jobs then my own father made in a single week and sometimes a month, another reason he hated me as well as my sisters because I had money and they didn’t, but neither of them wanted to work for it, and why my father worked 3 jobs, mostly it was because he hated being home.

Instead, my sisters wanted it on a silver platter, begging me or my mother to have me give it to them, instead of working for it like everyone else. Not even Grandma would listen to them telling them to go out and get a job. Susan would complain she didn’t have a license or a car. Neither did I. All I had was my two feet or a bicycle until I bought my first car.

It looked like Greg, Chad and I was going to be alone at last, but Jody and Cindy had other ideas. Mom was doing her best to control herself because of my deal with Aaron. She couldn’t have sex with anyone with him here. She took one of the beds in my brother’s room with Mrs. Earl, while my brothers and the rest of them slept outside under the stars.

Sparky made himself comfortable on the floor next to my bed, since Jody and Cindy climbed in bed with us, having each of us take a horny pill and set a time to go to sleep. The bed was quite crowded with the five us, but nobody minded.

There is nothing like having sex before you sleep, Greg was right I always slept better because of it and really never needed the pills to help get me that way. I also slept like the dead because I wasn’t in my mother’s house not worrying if my father was going to open that door and come in and kill me while I slept.

My adoptive Mom woke us around 7 and it was the longest that Greg and I have slept in days. Jody was already gone and so was Cindy because it takes girls longer to get ready for the day than boys. We simply shower and comb our hair, and Walla we were done. No makeup, nor hair dryer or curling iron or standing in the mirror forever.

My mother was in a good mood when I watched her kiss Mrs. Earl and cupped her breasts playfully and was fully dressed except for their shoes and socks, helping her set the breakfast table. It was a rule of my adoptive Mom no shoes in the house, and she hated it when we got holes in our socks even though she didn’t state it she would prefer us to go barefoot, we all did.

Greg and I had chosen to wear our waist robes for breakfast as or brothers and sisters were either fully dressed or wearing boxers or nightgowns. Until they too took shower or a bath, considering we had only one shower and one bathtub and the bathtub didn’t have a shower in it like my mother's house. Aaron Jared and Tim all shared a shower while Jason and Jonathan shared a bath after Greg’s little sister because they weren’t going anywhere. Jared only showered with other two for convinces.

My mother envied me because I had a large shower big enough for three people, where she just had a shower tub big enough for her and one other person. Like I said she, not a supermodel and she was on the heavy side. Not as heavy she was a few years ago. She had lost most of the weight and during my teenage years and she kept it off, it was sort of a deal I had struck with her an incentive.

Every 5 pounds she lost when I came home to visit or she came up to visit me was 1 hour of straight sex. Up to 20 lb per month, I set that as a goal in hoping she wouldn’t do it and it was my way out of having sex with her. Yet I lost most of the time having her keep that goal, mostly because we compromised when it was close to 5 lbs.

Like I said I didn’t care who she had sex with, except when it was me. I don’t know why I had such a hard time with it when I have had sex with my adoptive Mom and sisters as well as many other Moms numerous times and didn’t bother me. I was like gigolo always moving from one person to another. I just had a very hard time doing it with my own mother, and it was worse when I was at home with her because how easy it was to get caught either by my father, sisters or Aaron and as far as I know they had never found out about it until now.

I quickly ate my breakfast and called my grandmother, who I knew would be quite angry with me because I didn’t call her last night. I prepared myself for an everlasting chew out. She picked up on the second ring. She didn’t say this better me or she was going to kill my mother. Instead she just hello, I said. “Hi grandma it’s me, sorry I didn’t call last night it was late when I got home.”

Grandma said. “That’s the problem isn’t? You weren’t home, you weren’t at Bishop Earl’s home or Mr. Kenly’s home or Stringum’s home most likely spent the night with one of your lady friends.”

I waited for her to run out of breath and said. “None of the above Grandma, I was at my Rothwell home. Mom had invited us all up here for family home evening after we had gone shopping for school clothes. We went to the pool and it was after ten when we came home after we went for some ice cream and everyone spent the night.

“I am calling to apologize that I didn’t call you and apologize that most likely won’t be calling you tonight because I won’t be here at home or my mother’s home. Greg and I will be at those two young ladies home tonight and you didn’t want me to call you on the phone if I was having hot sex with them.”

I waited for her to beg me not to go, but she said. “Thanks for the warning. I still want you to call me so I know that you are alright. I don’t trust your mother and I don’t trust your father regardless if he had a “bicycle accident” when he looked like someone beat the hell out of him with so many bruises that he looked like he was a rainbow.”

I said, “Grandma it wasn’t me who beat him up, it should have been me, but it wasn’t…”

Grandma said “I know son. And I am just a little upset that I didn’t get a piece of him myself for him trying to kill you the other night when you were incapable of defending yourself and your father knew it. For now on and I told your mother that door will always be locked when you're inside your room at night. No, if, no buts about it. I don’t care if he is home or not that room is to be locked.”

I gave her my promises and told her I needed to go because we needed to stop at the school before going to work. She said for me to call her. I said loved her I didn’t make any promises.