Chapter 4- Everything in Order

The final preparations and advice/Stories Kane can give to Vaan before he sets out to make his own legacy among the last of the Tsuki

Chapter 4- Everything in Order

Over the next few days Vaan and Kane set about planning a route that Vaan would take to the first shrine and so on.For the most part Vaan would be sleeping rough, but there would be a few opportunities to stay at an inn along the way. 

Most Inns would be open to offer a bed and meal for a few hours labour as well. This could include chopping up logs, sharpening tools such axes or even tending the stables which Vaan had experience with after working with his friend Troy.

They also had come up with a cover story for Vaan as they could not go around saying he was an active Tsuki seeking shrines to master new forms of magic. 

The word that Vaan was leaving spread like wildfire in Onka and soon everyone knew.

On the third night of preparing Kane was sat in his armchair stroking his beard when he chimed up "You know Vaan, if you were to take the pretence of you were studying as an underling to become an elder like myself. A pilgrimage of sorts is not that much out of the ordinary. Our fair village of Onka has taken to it quite well so why not continue to use it?".

"Won't people question why I am not looking to surpass an Elder in the Glades if I am in Voitek on the other side of the realm?" Vaan replied smiling to himself. The last few days had gone by in a blur of excitement, anxiety and very careful planning. He could not afford to slip up because if he did not only would he be brought in front of that kingdom's king, he would then be brought in front of the council and sentenced to death. It would also be the undoing of Kane and everything he had worked so hard to keep secret for the last forty years in Onka.

"My boy a bit of tact here will be needed. You need to persuade those that question this pilgrimage, that you have opportunities from known connections in other kingdom's of the realm. You could say that you want a taste of sorts before making your mind up to where you will be looking to become Elder in future" Kane said.

In reality Kane knew being an Elder wasn't for Vaan. As elder you're effectively a guardian of sorts to a village. In the last forty years though, twenty of which he had been Elder. Kane had only had to advise on bad crops and the occasional dispute of land between farmer's. He was otherwise mostly helping out where required and telling stories to the village children in the evening to give their parents a reprieve.

Another thing that both were hesitant to bring up was that Vaan would be taking the journey alone. There would not be any grouping up with people as it would be too dangerous and Vaan would be constantly be in fear of being found out.

The first shrine on Vaan's journey however was in the Kingdom of Sutauddo or to the people of the Glades 'Starwood's'. It would be here that Kane advised Vaan to start his pilgrimage for here the shrine would give him the knowledge to take on the form of a great wolf.

'Vaan this shrine is spectacular I remember it as though I was there yesterday. It is hidden deep with the West side of the Doireann forest within the Starwood's themselves. Not many people venture that deep into the wood through the fear of the packs of wild wolves and the great bears that reside there".

"I believe the nearest settlement is about two days walk away from the shrine" Kane continued.

"How will I find it if no one else can? What does a Tsuki have that others don't?" Vaan asked.

"Well now I wondered when you would ask! Did you think I was really going to just say it's that way and let you be on your merry way" Kane laughed. "Of course not! You will be on your merry way but you will have this!". He held up what looked like a compass of sorts, except where you and I would find North, South, East and West, on here there was only clear blue water inside.

Vaan held the device in his hands "Okay Grandpa what in Tsuki's name is this?"

"That" Kane started "will be your most valuable tool while your out there in the world.My father told me when I was a boy they were called Dolkuun."

"How does this Dolkuun find shrines Grandpa?" Vaan stared at the Dolkuun. No one would expect anything from it out of the ordinary. It simply looked like a box with water inside to anyone who didn't know what it was actually used for.

"Well Vaan, that Dolkuun is made to track a shrines wandering power or as the Tsuki call it wisps. These wisps will turn an edge of the blue water inside of the Dolkuun a dull red depending on which direction the shrine is. It will only turn the rest the same colour when you are closer. When you arrive at said shrine the water will be completely red. Its simple yet very effective. When I visited this shrine some sixty years ago it took me just under a day and a half to find it once I was in Doireann."

"Wait you can take the form of the great wolf!?" Vaan asked. In truth with all the rush of the last few days the one question Vaan had wanted to ask but was always sidetracked had been

"Grandpa what other forms have you mastered other than the Golden Eagle?"

"Yes my boy! I have the form of the Great Wolf. In total I have four forms. I have the Speed of the Golden Eagle, the howl of the Great Wolf and the last two I will be surprised if you will believe me as you do not see these very often any more. Hell I will go as far to say I may be the only Tsuki member alive with one of these forms! The first is that of a sea serpent that I acquired after a weeks worth of swimming in the Ruh sea far to the south and the last to which I have only told your mother is the form of a Sky whale! The Sky whales location is not on any charted map that this realm possesses" Kane said proudly. "I found it on sheer luck and from using the Dolkuun."

"Only the Tsuki have ventured that far north and I will say this too you, do not go there for you will be forever lost unless you can somehow find the shrine and beat the trial" Kane finished with a dark look on his face.

However Vaan was awestruck and was ahead of himself. "Can you show me these forms!?" Kane however smiled and shook his head.

"Why cant you show me Grandpa?" Vaan asked.

"The Great wolf is too big for my sitting room as I stand at nearly eight feet tall in that form" Kane laughed "The sea serpent requires even more space and more importantly water! Last of all though the Sky whale while it is without a doubt one of the most beautiful creatures and forms to take. I cannot use it here for it would bring anarchy. The neighbouring villages would see me from miles away. Thunder storms would rage under the swift beat of my wings and the Glades would be put under immediate investigation for Tsuki sightings as everyone here will most likely have never heard of a Sky whale except in folk stories. This would cause the council to search Onka and the Glades for me and our lives would come crashing down around us." 

Kane smiled "In my life since acquiring the form itself I have used it but twice. Once when I first had it to fly high enough to deduce which way I should go to escape the void of uncharted land and the other was to show your mother once when she came with me on a excursion far far away."

Vaan while disappointed said "Okay, but one day you will have to show me. We will go far out of the way so it is safe!?"

"Fine, agreed" Kane conceded.

Two days later on the morning that marked the last day of summertime in the Glades, Vaan stepped outside into Kane's garden for what would be the last time in a very long while. He was wearing his leather armour that Kane had gifted to him along with the cloak. He had a travel sack full of the necessary to get him between towns and settlements on his way to Sutauddo.

 

Vaan was also carrying a small sword. Kane had brought it to give him some piece of mind while Vaan was gone. Kane hoped Vaan would not have to use it but in this day and age anything could happen.

The town was out too to see Vaan on his way. His friend Troy at the front smiling but Vaan knew it was a brave face. In other circumstances he may have asked Troy to join him but that would only put him and his family in danger and Vaan wondered if Troy's view of him would change if he knew the truth.

"Farewell my friend" Troy said giving Vaan a one armed hug and thumping him in the arm. "I want to hear all the stories when you get back."

"You'll be the first" Vaan promised.

Kane walked with Vaan to the edge of the village then turned to face him "Now Vaan remember no matter how hard it gets out there your home is always here waiting. With the trials take heed in what the spirits tell you and trust your instincts. Most of all keep your true goals a secret and if you do find yourself in a spot, fight and run." Kane said seriously. "Do whatever you have to, but I know you. You are both careful and wise for your age, I know you will make the right call."

"Farewell my Grandpa, until next we meet" Vaan choked.

"Indeed my boy" Kane replied smiling through tears.

They shared one last long hug then putting his hood up and wrapping the cloak about him,Vaan, one of the Tsuki stepped out into the wide world before him..

Author's Note

Now that Vaan has left Onka I am well aware he will be the only main character actually out on the adventure. I am taking some time before continuing the story to figure out how I am going to move this forward. I would like to ideally have a companion or two with him but they need to be introduced correctly.

Reviews

[Rynn]

Things that I noticed:

-Be very aware of your pacing. If you skip, or gloss over something that may be important later, make it important now. The tone of the language you use will determine the reception of the information to the reader.

-I don't intend to be too nit-picky since I assume this is a draft, but also think about sentence structure and flow.

Ex: "They also had"
Suggestion: "They had also"

-Think very very hard about P.O.V and voice. HOW you say things matter just as much, if not more than WHAT you say. Having a third person P.O.V is really nice for relaying information, and it's one of the more simplistic ways to write fiction, but it also distances the reader from the characters. A third person P.O.V is going to state what they character is thinking, not necessarily HOW they think it word for word. If that is what you intend then continue on, but make sure you're writing with intent.

-Structure. It's important to know proper fiction structure. When someone is speaking, there needs to be a new indented paragraph.

-Pacing again, when you're introducing a vast amount of information. Readers will tune you out after a while if you're explaining everything in great detail all in the same large paragraph.

-Fluency. I would take a look at your dialogue again. It sounds a little unnatural. Try speaking it out loud in different intonations and write on from there.

-Dialogue: needs to be in quotations. using " instead of ' . Looking up proper usage for these things is very important. I would even go as far as to say that studying up on form and grammar usage is a big first step to drafting and should be done before another draft is written.

Content: Be very very confident in your characters. Reading your characters at this point, I'm not convinced that you know them, and if you don't - we don't. I would suggest character sheets to really get into the heads of the people you're writing.

Overall, solid first draft, needs a lot of work, but you've gotten your ideas down and that's always a great first step! Well done. Write on.

Rynn.

[Nanaki]

Cheers Rynn very constructive and will be taken on board

In response yes it is a draft and if I am totally honest my grammar is way off the beat. This is the first time I have really wrote anything down that comes into my head.
The third person view I want to stick with as vaan is not telling the story from the future so it can't be from his perspective per say.
Again though I will try to narrow it down more

With character sheets I have done a very basic one for vaan and Kane but I'll admit they do need more work.

Between revising I am reading other works both on here and other books to look for differences between their writing and my own.

[Rynn]

All great things! Just getting it your ideas down is a huge step! Keep it up and thank you much for the read :)

[Tony Jordan]

This looks good.
I'd have loved to have seen more details - for example what is the short sword called - you know like the Samurai have the katana and the wakizashi...?
:)

[Nanaki]

Hi Tony, thank you for your suggestion this is at the moment a first draft of my story. I am toying with the idea of naming a weapon Vaan has as I agree would add depth to the story and his character.

[222333]

"that KINGDOMS king" ... You left out the apostrophe.

"want to a taste of sorts" ... ?

"nearest settlement! Should my memory be intact is about" ... ?

"for Tsuki sightings as everyone here will most likely have ever heard of a Sky whale in folk stories." ... ?

"into Kanes garden" ... You left out the apostrophe.

"full of the necessary to get him between" ... ?

"They SHARD one last long hug" ... ?

It sounds pretty good. I've got an idea how you could develop the story further: Have Vaan pick up a girlfriend somewhere along his travels, who insists on tagging along with him on his quest. Have Vaan fall deeply in love with her, but have her be utterly terrified of the Tsuki. Don't make the girl mean, spiteful, bigoted or anything like that. Have her be a very nice, kind, sweet young woman who's just been honestly brainwashed into fearing the Tsuki needlessly. That way Vaan will be forced to hide his identity from his girlfriend all along their travels. This will create opportunities for all sorts of conflict and tension at each stage of Vaan's quest. Then when you eventually decide to end the story, you can create a crises where Vaan's girlfriend learns his true identity and Vaan has to explain to her that he's not really evil, but also has to explain to her why he lied to her for so long about his true identity. It's just a random idea which popped into my head.

[Nanaki]

Thank you again I value the advice

The spelling mistakes though I've checked as I use OpenOffice first before copying to here

It seems copy and pasting on to here seems to edit? As I am right now looking between the too and shared a last hug is on my original rather than shard
I don't want Kane to die at the hands of his grandson 😆

I did think a girlfriend at first but not sure yet but I agree it will have to be someone that opposes the tsuki