Eccentric

if you were to ever look beyond my slightly 2 different colored eyes
Meaning my cornea and pupils and every nerve ending behind that controls the movement of my eye rolling
You would see me in my brain
Dancing and singing
Lighting my eternal bonfire
And wearing hippie headbands in Nova Scotia
Being a preacher of Buddha
And raising horses and cows on a farm
Or living in a big city surrounded by blaring music and bright lights and people wearing heavily caked makeup And they would dance wildly to impress people they don’t know
And I’m everything caught in the middle
If you could see into my nose
Past my nose ring
All the way up in my nostril into my inflamed sinus cavity and allergy induced post nasal drip
I imagine the smell of fresh Air
And green grass being cut
And how the woods smell when you’re in a tent and it starts to rain
Or maybe the smell of the ocean while I lay out sunbathing
Sweet saltwater taffy and lobster all around me
Brick oven pizza in a small restaurant
The sweet aroma of chocolate chip cookies in my grandma chic kitchen
And you would inhale deep into your chest and feel happiness
And if you could feel beyond my skin
Underneath my 7 layers of deep flesh and get way down to my frail bones
You could feel the sun on my face and arms
Spring time riding in a convertible with my whole top down
Faster wind underneath my arms than anything I’ve ever felt
So alive
Or the cold breeze while I’m laying on the hard ground watching the northern lights with the love of my life
If you feel underneath my bare and bitten fingernails
You would know every single anxiety ridden thing I’ve carved into them over these years
Every hope ive had of things working out.
And you could feel with my finger tips
my hands running through my dogs fluffy fur
And the gentle running of them across freshly lotioned skin
Every elevator button I would touch
Every tap on a key board
Every number ever dialed
If you could pull open my ears
Grabbing them right from the gauges and stretching them out even further than ever
Past all the earwax build up and ear canal and just lightly tap my ear drum
You could hear everything
My whole world inside my head
The song I get stuck in there when I try to sleep At night
The gentle wind chime I hang from my front porch
My thoughts on love
And politics
All my dreams and ambitions
Everything I aspire to be
And see
And want in life
And would you listen to what I thought about you ? Would you want to?
And if could reach into my mouth and grab my tongue right out and run your tongue along mine
And taste the gentle sip of wine swirl across my taste buds while I sit on a balcony in Greece
The way the r’s roll off my tongue when I learn French
The way words feel in general when I chew them up spit them out
Or the way my cigarette hits and burns out every pore in my mouth and starts to yellow my already crooked teeth
You could speak every drunken slur I’ve had and every fight I’ve gotten into
Every good and bad taste
My point is, You only see the outer shell I provide as a face to the world.
I am much deeper than that.
All these things I dream and ponder on
And Wonder fills every empty Space I have In my entire body.
I have an entire life planned out and all my thoughts go in seventeen different directions at once and it’s hard to grab them by the rope and pull them back like I’m rounding a steed
And everything’s going fast. songsandfeelsandtastesandtouchandmemoriesand-
Do you see what I mean?
But yet I stay silent
And put on a game face
And I say have a nice day.
And smile.