Redemption

Dedicated to my school and a certain organization I interned with.

 

REDEMPTION

Pathless, routeless, without a way,

Without a worry to end the day

What joy we search to lead with light

Enrichment of mind, the fire blazing bright.

We rise, we fly out of your sight

Through creeks and falls, dropping with might,

Foretold, the future we donot believe

Our future, we shall create and outlive.

Naive and brainless, made out of tin
With ambitions unapplied, we walk in
Nurture and feed, the flames with coal

Mighty, we walk out, as proud souls

Darkness engulfs, yet we stand upright!
Like larks, we soar into our flight
Freedom we seek among ashes burnt
Redemption we get, action up front!

                              - Shubham Chattopadhyay

Reviews

[Sid]

This is a great poem with a nice flow to it though i agree Becca some of the lines feel a bit forced or actually long more than forced; they could have been shorter with more impact...but in the end i have to say i really like this poem and though I agree with Becca again about the chat part I'm sorry i didn't quite try marching...maybe I should take a leaf out of her book wonder what my neighbor would say hmmm...anyways forgetting all that great write keep it up!!!

[Shubham's View]

Than you Sid! I'll try to work upon it!

[Becca Bishop]

I like how this poem is almost a chant when you read it out loud. I wanted to see if it would work to marching, so I marched around my room repeating it at the top of my lungs until my sister yelled at me to shut up. The only thing I'd suggest (and you don't have to take notice of this since it's not like I'm a professional or anything) is that you read it out loud and make sure the rhythm and meter are working. There are a few lines that seem kind of forced, like you're trying to fit a ton of words in when fewer will work. Sometimes less is more and all that. But beautiful work (I shouldn't even have to say this - you know the stuff you write is amazingly, incredibly, fantastically super duper all around awesome).

[Shubham's View]

Did you really do that? Wow, and now I know my poems can actually make people insane! Professional or not feedback is always valuable! Be nit-picky with all my poems and I'll give you a candy :D
Yes, I know, I was planning to edit this particular one.
Oh, come on you praise way more than what my work deserve, you'll simply end up inflating my ego! :D :D

[Becca Bishop]

Well...if candy is on the line....you've got yourself one nit-picky critic!!! And, just for the record, I rarely praise people. Or fish. But sometimes I praise my socks since they've got a pretty hard job. If I praise you it's because you deserve it or I'm having an oddly nice day. And since that never happens then it must be because you deserve it. SO HA!!!! I win, case closed.

[Shubham's View]

Wow, makes me feel oddly satisfied :D
You've got very smelly feet, eh?
Fish? Fishes stink and some of them are gross!
Maybe you had two oddly nice days!