A Poem by Siddhidatri Pande

Deals with the evils we are surrounded by..

Malice that grows like bamboo,
Poisoning the growing up youth.
Luscious in outward appearance rotten in the core,
Growing thorns in the impertinent soul.

Amity that spreads like mist indeed,
Wanton  wind taking the souls of innocent creed.
Right to judge and right to lead,
But  who   there stands for a friend in need.

Creeping darkness and gloom,
Where the light hides itself in doom.
Malevolence takes o'er, 
Evil keeps through open door.

The dark that consumes all light,
Stripping away people leading them to strife.
Fear that wraps around oneself,
Ringing the loudest of knell.

© 2018 Siddhidatri Pande

Author's Note

Siddhidatri Pande
Hope you like it...

My Review

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Thank you so much that was really good review for me.I hope I get to show you some good works as well.
I will try to make some amends to my poem .Please keep reviewing. Merci once again.

Posted 2 Years Ago

First, I do like this poem, and second, it needs work. I very seldom review other people's work. I don't feel that I'm qualified and I also never know how far to go with my criticisms or suggestions.
On to your poem.
1st stanza
Line 1: I like it, good visual
Line 2, word usage: growing up? possibly maturing
Line 3: I suggest that you reorder the wording and shorten the line
Line 4: again good clear visual

2nd stanza
Line 1, word usage: Amity means friendly do you perhaps mean Enmity which implies hatred?
Line 2: Too long. I think you're using creed for belief? It works for me, but I think it will be clearer to drop it and shorten it to something like 'taking innocent souls.' More cliched and less lyrical but clearer. It does mess with the whole rhyme scheme though. Sorry about that, although I thought of several good endings for line 1 that rhyme with souls.
Line 3: I like it
Line 4: I appreciate the imagery, and it brings your sentiment it home

3rd Stanza
Line 1: A good visual here, I like it
Line 2 word usage: I do like it as it stands, but possibly 'is hidden' instead of 'hides.'
Line 3 word usage: Again I do like it, but I think Malevolence is a better choice.
Line 4: Okay 'keeps' bothers me. Maybe you meant peeps or seeps?

4th stanza
Line 1: I like the visual
Line 2: I have to suggest getting rid of Stripping away.
Line 3 I like the visual
Line 4: I approve of the imagery, but you've done better in several of the other lines.

I like the descriptions you use and am looking forward to reading any future version you may write. I'm still learning myself so don't put too much weight on my thoughts or especially on my suggestions. The only poems of mine that I like I've spent a year or more working on, going back and doing complete or nearly complete rewrites on them.

Posted 2 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on July 11, 2018
Last Updated on October 4, 2018
Tags: Malice


Siddhidatri Pande
Siddhidatri Pande

Haldwani, Uttarakhand, India

I like to innovate something with the help of my memories. more..