Elijable Carcass

                   As i lay on the surface of my shattered dream
                  spineless body it may seem

                     worms of destiny march in order
                     waiting for the banquet of my pneumatic body
                    and the taking over..
                    
                    driven by the bias judgment of the celestial guidance

                  an essence of humanity
                    devoured by the betrayal of hope
                     and the hammers of reality
                    pounding the future on fates anvils

                    bonds left unbroken
                    waiting the ambiguous sands of time to sunder

               battered soul refusing to journey back
                bounded by love and shackles of regret

Author's Note

MY FIRST TRY :P

Reviews

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

There is a defeatism that comes in your piecess. You are too young for that smile!

[Siguard]

well the ending was me mentioning the fact that the soul is still trying to coupe with love nd regret for it to have the ultimate finish(death) something like that :P

[darem aq.]

this piece generates vague imagery. a notion of conflict, disappointment and and remorse. well written, however...there is a flaw in the connection of stanza's, not too obvious though, intense description hovering about without finality. but again its a good write.. keep it up.

[Imperialtroll]

Excellent work man! what a powerful start! you really stormed into the gates of poetry.....I really have nothing negative to write about this piece, the words are balanced yet proudly present their meanings with an abstract dark touch, and it's length is perfect, not too long and not too short, keep it up my friend and hope to see you get better...