Things that matter

Its a very short story about a girl an a boy. Read to find out more

We fought, we laughed, we swore, we danced, we hit the town together. But we were only friends. I wanted to be more. I wanted him to know. So one day, I wore a sexy little black dress on a summer evening. He was bedazzled. I looked charming. But I wanted more. I wanted him to admire me more. So I spoke softly, sweetly. I did not swear. But he did. A lot of times. I was conscious. I had a reason. Did he too? Maybe he thought he needed a change of style ? Or maybe not. I liked him the way he was. But why did I take extra care to dress up? Did I doubt myself? I didn't want to think. For the coming few days I kept dressing well. I spoke softly, sweetly. I did not swear. But he did. Though noticeably lesser than before. I wore a pink tulle skirt with a white t shirt. I looked girly, I looked cute. But his expression was not as I hoped it would be. He walked and talked little. I tried talking softly, sweetly. But I did not swear. Today he did not swear either. What was wrong? I looked hot, I was in style. So why did it fail to attract him? I wondered, I wondered even more.

The next day I broke down, I cried and I looked into the mirror. I am beautiful, am I not? I asked myself. I saw my reflection. It seemed to say, you were beautiful, once. Now you are a doll. To that I replied, but a doll is pretty.The mirror retorted, but its not alive! I cried and begged. I didn't want to be a doll. But will he love the one who is not a doll? The reflection in the mirror smiled and chuckled. It said, maybe he already did. I washed away my makeup. Wore my normal tee and shorts. Then waited for the time to meet. He came looking gloomy. But I swore and spoke normally. He swore and replied normally. We were both unconscious. We both declared our love for each other. We were happy. Forever.

Author's Note

AN ATTEMPT TO PROSE POETRY!

Reviews

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

Hey! I really enjoyed this piece, I'm a sucker for anything with a romantic theme so this was right up my street! I loved the imagery about the doll and the breaking down in front of the mirror; that was very poignant.

However, if I could offer some suggestions for improvements. I feel as though this would work better as a longer piece, so for example I would consider extending the scenes so you describe what you did when you went out to town. Though I liked the lack of dialogue, I think this piece would work better with maybe some dialogue from the boy, just so the audience can get to grips with his character. Don't take any of these suggestions as a necessesity, only implement them if you think it'll work with what you're trying to say :)

I liked the realisation that the character came to, that she didn't need to change herself for the boy to like her, and her realisation at the end of the piece really tied it all together because she could then revert to who she used to be.

Anyway, keep up the good work, I really enjoyed this!

[Anushree]

Hi! Thank you so much for all the suggestions. I thought about them for a long time.
I had considered using dialogues but when i finished my draft without it i felt it did not need any. The entire prose poetry is from the girl's point of view. So i did not want the people to judge the guy at all. I only wanted them to judge the girl. Because as i was writing, i thought all that mattered was that this girl liked the guy as he was. And in the end i wanted her to realize that she was a better companion the way she was and not what she was turning herself into.

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

I can understand that, if you feel that the piece is better without any dialogue then that's fair enough, I feel that you get the point across the piece very well (with or without it). Maybe if you wanted to explore the POV of the girl you could consider stretching out her monologue a little bit? So, especially the scene at the mirror where she's questioning what she did wrong and why he doesn't like her? Of course, again, these are all suggestions because I genuinely enjoyed the piece!

[Anushree]

Well that's a great idea. A monologue. I will try coming up with one in the near future. Thanks!

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

You're very welcome! :)