Chemistry Betrays (Revised)

My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads before lean-jaded depravity

seen scorn as a decrepit unraveling

of baffling mean-spirited entities gathering deceitfully

for more pandering of reality in a gallery slinging misery entirely...

My sympathy behaves erratically

seethes forlorn as heated apathy forms rapidly

soft-churning rhapsody squirms passionately...

Inevitably heart-warming tragedy occurs.

Fiendishly hard-earned philosophy

turns of metaphor laced individuality...

Blurred and slurred rhymes.

Aggressive lines wormed into the tapestry of sadism

this organisms mechanism of limelight fading posturism

burning eyes turning bright from realism

shading light from mine minds rind empty escapism

slime heavy kinda heady with the infectious algorithm...

 Swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality

 curiosity yearns for instability

With the itty-bitty fallacy of a gallant killing spree

 gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy

 floating dead in the sea flamboyantly... 

Author's Note

Same poem (mostly)... But now edited... Yay...!

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

the velocity of your perspicacity of the duplicity of words specificity makes the bunny's brain nuerocity spark enthusiastically! LOL.... my god I have met my match!!!! You love words and they love you I know cause they just told me my dictionary just salivated all over my desk and started to groan in an unsightly manner causing me to have to clean up some unmentionable goo... be sure to put the dictionary farther away from the word porn next time. :)

[Chase Dylan]

Words are fun, flow structure is what this was intended for, aha... I f*****g died laughing when I saw your review, though...
Called my wife over, I was like...
Look at this moddafucker
im dying laughing...
DYING...
Number one review....
Ever...
You wanna know something else...
I do not use dictionaries or thesaurus or any help when writing...

All natural, or it aint happening...

I spell and meaning check on words i already put down, though...

EVERYONE tells me...

"dont write so your reader has to pick up a dict. every 5 secs"
But...

How am I supposed to KNOW what they all know or not...
I let the reader decide his/her intelligence

Cheers at such a pleasant comment...

"Match"...
Do not get carried away, eh, mate...?
Lololol

[Enchanted-Raven]

wow... .nicely done! :) x

[Chase Dylan]

Wow, good eye... This is one of my fav's...! Thank you...

[Maya]

Breathless and intense! :) Wonderful experimentation in rhythm and emotion!

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks, Maya, means a lot coming from such a clever writer...

[Kittenincake]

This conveys numbness as feeling everything at once. It's writhing with emotion yet seeping with apathy. I read this with a clear head - now I feel mirrored towards your words, my emotions are drawn out. Thank you for this unforgettable piece.

[Chase Dylan]

You are most welcome, dear

[Richard McLin]

Wow a rant like poem that just speaks volumes. The lack of punctuation (usually awful) is a more than effective tool in this piece. Great work.

-Richard

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Richard, this is one of my personal favorites, glad you enjoyed it so much... Sometimes you just need to say f**k what anyone else thinks, and write what feels good, eh?

[Richard McLin]

I hear you there.

[andrew mitchell]

brilliant work reminded me of a song " when the tree falls down" I think by Bruce Coburn who had condensed lyrics.

[Chase Dylan]

Hmm, thanks, Andrew, this is one of my treasured works, that is for sure... I will check that song out right now...

[andrew mitchell]

Let me know when you do

[andrew mitchell]

So condensed are your writes, the John Le Carre of poetry.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Omg how do you do that? I mean without a line break? And without breaking the flow?

I'm stuck on one point though.. Insanity pleads? Really? I thought most of the times it's our 'sanity' which pleads us to stray towards the lunatic side...

"bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality curiosity yearns for instability"

I found these lines highly interesting and according to my taste. Being a curious one, I agree, curiosity makes us somewhat unhinged lol
This was a breathless read for me. 😊

[Chase Dylan]

The wonderful(dreaded) day has arrived...! You reviewed my work... Hah, on a serious note... Umm... Since you ask exactly how, it is actually a style I have developed on my own... Bit tricky to explain, but it involves lots of "twisting"... I would agree, but in this instance insanity is pleading before a somewhat jaded, depraved state of being... So the madness is running circles at that point... Or so I might assume... Glad you enjoyed this...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Dreaded lol 😂
That is interesting. Changes my pov somehow because to me it seems insanity never has to plead, it finds its way on its own 😛

[Chase Dylan]

I was of the same opinion, personal experience changed the tone of my thinking... Great insight, though, and the line that caught your eye was a certain pleasure to write. It draws from the same inspiration... Insanity losing its... Sanity...

[Chase Dylan]

And yes, unhinged we become, certainly when curious... Most definitely then...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Must be one hell of an experience then 😛😉
I think I'm becoming more unhinged by the day lol 😂

[Chase Dylan]

We all have something that majorly shifts our perspective at least once in life... It is usually one helluva ride... You and I, both, YumKay... Lolz...

[CK_85]

For the Hip-Hop Lyrics Contest
I'm shocked that there is not a single trace of punctuation anywhere in there. Regardless...
-Lyricism: 8.5/10. That's heat af. Just wish there was some punctuation. I really like the rhymes that are between slant and not rhyming at all. There's something satisfying about that type.
-Originality/Creativity: 10/10. 5 points for both.
-Metaphors: 6/10.
-Similes: 1/10. The only reason I'm giving a point is because I'm not positive if the "...jaded depravity seen scorn as a decrepit unraveling..." line is a simile or not.
-Message: 4/10. There is a message or two, but it's mostly lyricism.
-Wordplay: 5.5/10. Wordplay does exist within there, but not to the extend that I was hoping for.
Overall: 5.8/10

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks for the review and score, was a bit of a freestyle, and was not inclined to editing this one so much... Glad you enjoyed the creative side to my flow. I will properly edit something next time I post for a contest. Thank you again...

[duff]

You can put a beat to this and it would be something to listen to. I'm liking it. Nice job!

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Duff, as always... I have a beat to everything I write, so very keen eye(ear)...

[boygene borice]

Amazing. I couldnt breathe..How did you write that?

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, reader, and I wrote it like anything else I write... With music and flow, heh... I appreciate the impression of amazement...

[Isabella Ivy]

I don't breathe until I get to the end. lol. I also don't get the entire thing, but I'm not sure it's meant to be 'gotten'. I do appreciate it very much. It's a tremendous talent you have. And for this piece: there's sorrow, frustration, disappointment... and who doesn't relate to these? Well done :) I.I.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Ivy, your words are as gracious as always... Most of what I write is for open-ended interpretation... I prefer to provide barely perceptible guidelines... As opposed to rigid handrails... Whatever you "get" from it, is yours to get... I think we can all relate to some sort of smattering of human emotion... Thank you...

[Isabella Ivy]

With this type of writing and those similar, a conglomeration of well selected words and phrases, there are breaches which allow the reader a certain freedom to use the emotion it reminds them of, to fill in the story. Look how you filled in between my words. Way cool. But I'm far too controlling and perfectionist of nature to have a reader it feel other than what I deemed a piece should cause them to. lol (or not lol, depending on how you look at it) Your influence should be great for me! Blessings toward your day, my good friend, I.I. :)

[Chase Dylan]

Ditto, my friend, your lavish attention to crystal detail shall certainly lend a hand to my style... I am quite the perfectionist, but I look more so for the symmetry of sound, more than the controlling of the image... Thank you very much for all the encouragement, and hope to continue to have wonderful collaborations in the future!