okay I wrote a song about twenty five years ago and reading this made me remember it its a bit sketchy in my sketchy bunny mind but.....
Woke up this morning,
got out of bed
evenings pleasure
drove in my head
don't know what I'm doing
maybe Ill find a job...
oh i can see now
I'll just pack my things and go
(refrain thing)
Life would be better
these things I'm sure I'll know
the Lowcale solution
okay you can go back to your regularly scheduled program :)
I say this partly of the intention of the write and partly because this reads like a song and like my song it sounds like a very happy tune but it is full of unhappy things in a sort of sardonic looney tunes melody
like my locale solution isn't one in dieting (change your lifestyle not your caloric intake!) and (change how you live not where you live and moving) to cure your ills neither is your write of blight and you scream it as such with a sublime beauty in that wonderful voice of yours. Oh yeah I love that you use mourning like me you are one sexy writer silent:) the the the the thats all the bunny has to say:)
Posted 4 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
4 Years Ago
A nice ditty, my friend...
Thanks for it, aha
Morning
Mourning
...Who co.. read moreA nice ditty, my friend...
Thanks for it, aha
Morning
Mourning
...Who could resist...
Not our sexy-voiced selves
I am merely happy to be a vessel of which to ship the feelz...
All that follows is a pleasure to see
this is one of the most straight forward poems of yours i have read so far...i like that you have mixed your enigmatic flare with the concrete ..i feel the pain of it ...especially engaged by "...a bong hit of infinity" ..fantastic says i! and the seeing one last time in closing is sublime the way you put it ... "i'm just a bleeding creature..." is killer in the vulnerable state of your protagonist ...moves my heart out in empathy :(
E.
Thank you muchly, Noodle of Einstein... It felt that way when writing it, and am glad to know it evo.. read moreThank you muchly, Noodle of Einstein... It felt that way when writing it, and am glad to know it evoked a reaction
This is so good. I wanted to read more my friend.
"I know she will not see this, i'm just a bleeding creature...
So whisper feels like forever
...Leave it"
The above lines. Strong, logical and perfect. You made the reader feel the thoughts and the emotions. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
You are most welcome, Coyote, but thank you even more for appreciating it...
I'm more of a straightforward reader & writer, so I'm not catching your every idea here . . . still, I very much love an uninhibited write like this that throws ideas together in original ways, with original expressions, etc. Your title line is a feeling I get often, so it's relatable. There's a hint of rhyming, but not in a structured way, & this contributes to the word play . . . feels like you're having as much fun with the way words SOUND, as much as what the meaning conveys.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
I am all for the "both sides of the coin style reviewing"... Which is what you seem to be best at, B.. read moreI am all for the "both sides of the coin style reviewing"... Which is what you seem to be best at, Barley. It gives the writer a feel for what might draw the attention of people outside his/her specific genre niche... Thank you so much for this structured and well-thought insight... You have a keen eye, for all that I really care about is flow landscape, which, yes... Focuses solely on sound blend and syllable shape... Thank you again, glad you enjoyed, despite the climb from usual rhyme...
6 Years Ago
I never even thought about word sounds being a big part of writing until I started on this website 1.. read moreI never even thought about word sounds being a big part of writing until I started on this website 18 months ago & started reading many excellent & guiding examples here! *smile*
Vivid descriptions and stellar metaphors. Your talent shines in every well written line. However, what I enjoy most is your unique style. Amazing writing my friend. :) Julie
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Oh wow, Jewel... Your talent for beautiful articulation is apparent in how you review... Thanks so m.. read moreOh wow, Jewel... Your talent for beautiful articulation is apparent in how you review... Thanks so much...