Before Metaphors

Before Metaphors

A Poem by Silente-Write
"

Metal forged...

"
Before the metaphors and metal forged I sat ignored and lonesome
 alone and broken...
 Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat
 rote motions
 dead-feet
 my feats retreat...
 Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep
 eaten lacking wheat
 a sheath for elite-meat-treats and bleep-heaps...
 Driven deeper-steeper
 hear her cry when satellites fly...
 I sit outside and mind my own business...
 But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality
 I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...
Sodden grease and I follow-she
 all ah-me
 and I'm falling-free... 
Solemn freeze
 and I'm free-falling asleep... 

© 2017 Silente-Write


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Featured Review

when words fail to tell what we are feeling and dealing inside, we stand in-front of the countless metaphors around us in life trying to find something to be expressed out from it, even if it might be like a mask that we hide our real emotions and story behind it, here I see Your bleeding transformed into something greater, empathy, the empathy for Your loved one and her pain, the stage of empathy when You forget Your own pain and just feel hers, though this might be even more painful but it's also kind of free You from You, and at the end I can sense the point when You reached even more higher forgetting all that pain and just rejoice in the bliss of Your lost love, like always You have such a unique style and rhythm that might be more excellent to my humble mind.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

10 Months Ago

D'aw... Thank you so much, Light. You always humble me with your take on my writing... Can not wait .. read more



Reviews

"Before the metaphors and metal forged I sat ignored and lonesome
alone and broken..."

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

8 Months Ago

Could not rhyme before my head went smack!
Sami Khalil

8 Months Ago

Hahahah...........
"But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality
I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry"

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

8 Months Ago

One of my fav's on this one
Sami Khalil

8 Months Ago

Mantle of Rivalry will be a good title for a story or poem...Up to you...
This is extraordinary. The form and flow feel both ancient and yet alive in the moment... and there is a movement to your thoughts that feels like water, sometimes the peaceful stillness of it... sometimes the rushing madness of it. So well done.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

9 Months Ago

A very pleasant view, Owly-Moon... I so much appreciate your take on the brushings of the muse...read more
I like it when the poem has been occasionally rhymed. It sounds great when read aloud. It's appreciably very good word choice. :)
Keep writing! I hope to get in touch soon.
Good Luck!

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

8 Months Ago

Nono, I think I did! :p
Haha, I just wanted to help clarify if you thought something was wron.. read more
Aurora

8 Months Ago

I mean, there are some lines that don't rhyme with any other lines in the entire poem. But it actual.. read more
Silente-Write

8 Months Ago

Oh, I appreciate that very much, Aurora!
I totally get what you mean now!
"Traditional.. read more
Great buzzing sound as I read it out loud, echoes of past words clashing with those to come, sweet damaged lost dreams, lol if you liked Kerouac check out English punk poet John Cooper Clarke,

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

9 Months Ago

I went straight to him... Learning a lot...
Pure beast mode of a man, lol
"buzzing"read more
Very interesting combinations of words.I enjoyed it a lot. c:

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

9 Months Ago

Very interesting take on my combos, thanks muchly, JungLee
Very much appreciated
Ah-ha! This is a great riffing rhyming bit of creativity! I love it when the emphasis is well-balanced between the word play & the message conveyed. You craft some great sounds & word combinations. That first line is a toe-grabber of an opening . . . and "sentimental sentinels" & much more. Your poem took me tip-toeing thru the pot plants, sniffing that distinctive scent (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

9 Months Ago

You would be a happy lady in my personal library of thousands of poems ranging from 1-2 pages long.... read more
when I think of forge in metal I think of the anneal and the carbon crucible carbon is most everything we are all carbon based entities and we will return to it again. I think of how little molecules of carbon strengthen, sharpen and fold into the metal creating a greater comprise. This poem reflects this in your lines the change of understandings painful or joyful in the open eyes of the writer creating a new observation or meaning in your free falling sleep musings. Thats what the bunny sees.....:) lovely lovely natural cadence and flow and delicious use of words

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

9 Months Ago

The bunny is a savant... I am merely a poor poet who clings to his carbon-based desires as fervently.. read more
very awesome! I enjoyed this write a lot. it holds emotions.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

9 Months Ago

Thanks, it does hold a few of those, I suppose. I hope it does not hold 2 tightly, however...
You always did have a knack for keeping gripped to every word to find out where it leads. haha

Nice one, Silente.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

9 Months Ago

Thanks, budz... An oldie, but goodie... I would LIKE to think I have honed that knack since this wri.. read more

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2870 Views
71 Reviews
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Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on June 5, 2017
Last Updated on June 6, 2017
Tags: Poetry, Dark, Life, Sad, adventure, death, depression, family, fantasy, fiction, hope, horror, love, magic, mystery, pain, poem, romance, story

Author

Silente-Write
Silente-Write

Denver, CO



About
When you have no words... Go find them! They get lost easily... (Seriously) more..

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