Before Metaphors

Before the metaphors and metal forged I sat ignored and lonesome

 alone and broken...

 Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat

 rote motions

 dead-feet

 my feats retreat...

 Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep

 eaten lacking wheat

 a sheath for elite-meat-treats and bleep-heaps...

 Driven deeper-steeper

 hear her cry when satellites fly...

 I sit outside and mind my own business...

 But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality

 I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...

Sodden grease and I follow-she

 all ah-me

 and I'm falling-free... 

Solemn freeze

 and I'm free-falling asleep... 

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

You certainly shuffle your thoughts, sir.. and yet, somehow in shuffling, create a cascade of liquid gold. I hesitate to read back and back to when first written, and will sit still to keep my own promise but feel that there will be many different observation about the meaning of this or that. Your meter had me reading louder and louder til I'm tempted to say, the walls rocked but.. Obviously the words are laid at someone else's feet,

' I sit outside and mind my own business...
But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality
I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...
Sodden grease and I follow-she.. '

onwards into space, dark and light, dancing through time to your own heartbeat but wrapped- within someone else's reflection. Need read this again

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much, Emma Green.
It would certainly not be too much to state the rocking of walls that transpired upon reading.
I am, after all...
Dylan, the Shaker of Walls

[NotUsinganymore]

Very interesting combinations of words.I enjoyed it a lot. c:

[Chase Dylan]

Very interesting take on my combos, thanks muchly, JungLee
Very much appreciated

[barleygirl]

Ah-ha! This is a great riffing rhyming bit of creativity! I love it when the emphasis is well-balanced between the word play & the message conveyed. You craft some great sounds & word combinations. That first line is a toe-grabber of an opening . . . and "sentimental sentinels" & much more. Your poem took me tip-toeing thru the pot plants, sniffing that distinctive scent (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Chase Dylan]

You would be a happy lady in my personal library of thousands of poems ranging from 1-2 pages long...
Only share a small bit of it, though...
I make a lot more sense and go much deeper for stuff I have saved for what I would hope is worth a bit of monetary chop...

HOWEVER...

This was a definite attempt with my best hand behind the wheel at the time of making...

Glad you liked it, and pot plants...

I am tip-toeing through my pipes...

Strawberry...

Thanks, Barley...
I strive to always keep up with what i perceive to be genius around me, and you are one of those...!
Keep atttt itttt

[Robert Trakofler]

when I think of forge in metal I think of the anneal and the carbon crucible carbon is most everything we are all carbon based entities and we will return to it again. I think of how little molecules of carbon strengthen, sharpen and fold into the metal creating a greater comprise. This poem reflects this in your lines the change of understandings painful or joyful in the open eyes of the writer creating a new observation or meaning in your free falling sleep musings. Thats what the bunny sees.....:) lovely lovely natural cadence and flow and delicious use of words

[Chase Dylan]

The bunny is a savant... I am merely a poor poet who clings to his carbon-based desires as fervently as one can...
A VERY interesting take on the before times of mind set free...
If only I had such impeccable ways of summing up my own writing... Cheers, and thanks so much...

[Karmee]

very awesome! I enjoyed this write a lot. it holds emotions.

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks, it does hold a few of those, I suppose. I hope it does not hold 2 tightly, however...

[Relic]

You always did have a knack for keeping gripped to every word to find out where it leads. haha

Nice one, Silente.

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks, budz... An oldie, but goodie... I would LIKE to think I have honed that knack since this write... But most likely just wishful thinking

[lightsong]

when words fail to tell what we are feeling and dealing inside, we stand in-front of the countless metaphors around us in life trying to find something to be expressed out from it, even if it might be like a mask that we hide our real emotions and story behind it, here I see Your bleeding transformed into something greater, empathy, the empathy for Your loved one and her pain, the stage of empathy when You forget Your own pain and just feel hers, though this might be even more painful but it's also kind of free You from You, and at the end I can sense the point when You reached even more higher forgetting all that pain and just rejoice in the bliss of Your lost love, like always You have such a unique style and rhythm that might be more excellent to my humble mind.

[Chase Dylan]

D'aw... Thank you so much, Light. You always humble me with your take on my writing... Can not wait to see what you have written while I was away!

[Richard McLin]

Fantastic, another great read from a great writer.
-Richard

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while.

[hiding]

I'm speechless. I dig this.

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while.

[marilyn 1225]

very nice!! i like your rhymes and also sentimental sentinels great stuff

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much, appreciated, I liked that line...