Before Metaphors

Before the metaphors and metal forged I sat ignored and lonesome

 alone and broken...

 Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat

 rote motions

 dead-feet

 my feats retreat...

 Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep

 eaten lacking wheat

 a sheath for elite-meat-treats and bleep-heaps...

 Driven deeper-steeper

 hear her cry when satellites fly...

 I sit outside and mind my own business...

 But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality

 I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...

Sodden grease and I follow-she

 all ah-me

 and I'm falling-free... 

Solemn freeze

 and I'm free-falling asleep... 

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

You certainly shuffle your thoughts, sir.. and yet, somehow in shuffling, create a cascade of liquid gold. I hesitate to read back and back to when first written, and will sit still to keep my own promise but feel that there will be many different observation about the meaning of this or that. Your meter had me reading louder and louder til I'm tempted to say, the walls rocked but.. Obviously the words are laid at someone else's feet,

' I sit outside and mind my own business...
But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality
I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...
Sodden grease and I follow-she.. '

onwards into space, dark and light, dancing through time to your own heartbeat but wrapped- within someone else's reflection. Need read this again

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much, Emma Green.
It would certainly not be too much to state the rocking of walls that transpired upon reading.
I am, after all...
Dylan, the Shaker of Walls

[Jimmy Yetts]

Word usage, off the charts; nearly bewildering.
Starkly unique imagery.
A stunning read!

[Chase Dylan]

A stunning review, Thank you so much, Jimmy... Especially for making me laugh earlier with your work, hah...

[Lydia Shutter]

Interesting wordplay here. Good vocabulary, but I truly do not know what you are trying to say. Sorry. Lydi*

[Chase Dylan]

A good sum of my poems are a "tad" abstract, mostly personal metaphors... Thank you for appreciating, Lydia...! No need to apologize, whatever you want them to say... They say, hah

[Cecelia A. Green]

Again with the great rhymes!

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks...!

[Decidious wind]

A lot of vivid and unclear images have been painted into my mind. Well done!

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you very much...!

[Poetic Beauty]

This piece is full of vivid imagery

[Chase Dylan]

Equally, this review is full of vivid words, thanks very much, Poetic.

[JeremyH]

the flow is superb. The imagery and metaphor are to be aspired too by most other "amateur" poets. yet you achieve this level of vivid fluidity with almost alarming consistency and ease. very well done and thought provoking.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Jeremy, it means a lot coming from such a talented artists as yourself...

[The Iron Horseman]

I like the way this is laid out kind of looks like an anvil! This is probably your most accessible work yet, but still full of vivid images. Great stuff!
One suggestion if you want it. In the line ' I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...' I would change the last word to 'banality' because it just clidks better with 'reality'. Try it and see what you think.

[Chase Dylan]

Actually... I like that, hah, thanks for the new word... It is def' better in this instance, I would have to agree... Thank you for the constructive insight, Iron... I appreciate it

[The Iron Horseman]

You're very welcome, my friend. I'm glad you liked the idea.

[Joan Probst]

Great use of vocabulary, very descriptive and vivid. Keep it up!

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much, Hale, a vivid and wonderful review. I appreciate it

[Kevin Coulson]

Yeah this is great. It has a great rhythm to it and it's fun to read.

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks, Kevin, I appreciate it...

[Chris]

This is a spoken word piece that needs to be performed...

[Chase Dylan]

You always say what I wish, Chris... If only, if only... I should perhaps look more into that around my city... Not sure I would be very good at it, though...

[Chris]

It takes serious practice with a person's timing and delivery... clarity counts as well. But once you do it you'll never want to stop.

[Chase Dylan]

I actually practice every day, write and spit my own rap, I freestyle as well... Most of my pieces ARE freestyles, heh... I will say you are absolutely right... I never want to stop... It is mostly to just help my writing, though, not sure about the rest...

[Chris]

THAT is what it takes...

In your area - use the web to find groups, clubs, venues... local art and poetry gatherings...check the social sections of the papers...etc.

[Chase Dylan]

Aye, I am aware... I just do not think I am good enough for that kinda stuff... Perhaps, though, I appreciate the encouragement...

[Chris]

Well, check out the local colleges for poetry, slam, drama, theatrical courses... make friends and try out!

[Chase Dylan]

If someone with your experience and skill thinks it wise, then who am I to argue, hah... Thanks again for taking the time, Chris...

[Chris]

You? Why YOU ARE a Poet - of course... chuckling here.

[Chase Dylan]

More than chuckling here, a good laugh was had, haha... I AM, I gotcha now,... No less than AM...

[Chris]

Laters....

[Chase Dylan]

And a bountiful day to you, as well...