Sledgehammer Disaster (Title by YumnaKay)

A piece I had edited by YumnaKay...

A tapestry forever falling 

to the sound of paper gravity.

 

I was never more than rabies 

​... ​

lined with sanity.

My clouded rubies secluded me 

from daily activity.

Riddled with active limited abilities,

my simplicity is inherently a durability,

because -- when breath deserts me, 

I'm left; wretched 'n' berzerking,

earning the gurneys 

that burn me with disin

​f​

e

​c​

tant.

When slurping at the chemicals 

like weapons that be jerkin'...

My tensions etched 'n' blessed 

... in dirt lessons.

I'm the essence 

of murkin' denizens of burden.

I'm earnin' nothin' 

as beat-back humbling turns ~ worse.

Cursed and reverting to 

sledgehammer disaster a last hit and ---

I'm hammered ~ of 

​

worth.

Author's Note

Like the title and description say... YumnaKay is the sole editor of this one... I just wrote it all in a big block of words... Might be seeing more of her editing skillz on my work soon... Enjoy!

Reviews

[A little flame]

This is a beautiful piece, so full of emotions and you sumed it up perfectly with that last line. "hammered~of worth." I have felt this many times but, I was affected in a less aggresive manner, I think. More like, slowly being drained or cracking little by little under pressure until everything inside breaks free. This is why I love reading people's work. I love hearing how other people experience emotion, because we're all affected differently. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!

[Chase Dylan]

No problem, Flame, thank you for so kindly relating... It fills my heart with warmth to know you took something from this

[B-poet]

This is a very clever and abstract poem filled with witty metaphors and a special kind of emotional depth that only the poet himself can convey in such a truthful manner. Great work. An engaging and riveting read. :)

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, B-Poet... I appreciate those words very much... Truth is most important when detailing out the nonsense in our heads...

[Tony Jordan]

This reminded me a bit of the mandlebrot set with it's recurring yet eye-opening wow factor. I would not like to go free-style against you. All I get off the top of my head is dandruff.
Good for you Silente and kudos to the Ed.

[Chase Dylan]

I value your words greatly, friend, and no... Perhaps a challenge in freestyle VS me is not ones best course of action when cotton is for brains, haha... I jest, I jest... Amazing compliment, and one that goes over my head, dandruff or not... Thank you, TJ...

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

And so nails and hammers live a life of a cycled lesson. If a hammer is heavy enough, such nail will keep its place put, whilst others escape the burden of replacement. Yes, hammers and bricks make a good sturdy house for one's self, and so, to break when all seems to fall apart. But be he who holds the hammer and the nail to respond towards lifes natural storms, for he is the architect of such disasters, to prevail against such rage. Yes, yes, beautiful, that is what I mean

[Chase Dylan]

Beautiful, that is all that can be said about this review... Seems like you put more thought into the flesh of the meaning, than I did while writing it... Stunning, thank you...

[DoormanDan]

Interesting piece, to say the least! I will admit, I only think that I fully understand what you're saying here (which, in my case, is not suprising, as I tend to be slow when it comes to deciphering tonnes of imagery. Writing it? Easy. Deciphering other people's? Difficult. My brain's weird), but I do quite like what I've read. You keep the entire piece enjoyable with your word usage and your splotches of poetic devices. At the very least, this is definitely a solid effort put out! Great work!

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Dan, I feel much the same way, in that... I just can never figure out the meaning behind things like others can.. I most assuredly can figure nonsense into MORE nonsense, though, aha... I wrote this quick, and threw it out, but Yumna sparked some life back into it with editing snazz... Glad to see the work was appreciated!

[DoormanDan]

For a quick write, this is good material. Usually, for me to write something I consider to be just "okay", I have to sit down and think about it for forty five minutes! Anyway, like I said, great work. :)

[Chase Dylan]

90 percent of what I post is off-the-top of head freestyle... I write and forget, write and forget... My attention span would not handle much more... I wish I could sit and think about it, hah... Thanks again, friend

[Alem]

Keep it up!

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice of the language and thoughts. I liked the directness, hardness and the purpose of the words written. A strong ending to the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Poetry... I felt the words had no purpose... Nice to know they hit home for others...

[Coyote Poetry]

Making the reader think. The goal of the writer. You did and you are welcome.

[Chase Dylan]

Hmm, well said, over-thinking, I suppose, can do more harm then good... As it is done from a singular perspective, which erodes over time...

[Wajiha Nayeem]

wonderful....you guys rocked it..keep going.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you very much, Wajiha... You as well, keep rockin' things!

[Wajiha Nayeem]

always a pleasure silente....aww, thanks.

[Chase Dylan]

Of course...!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Silente & YumnaKay yay! Title rocks! Easy to read and filled with killer imagery. Coherent insanity- love it! After all, though "hammered', you are always much more than rabies....lined with sanity." Kudos to both of you!

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much, Annette... This particular piece had an energy infusion via Yumna's editing prowesss... Hammered, but not stammering, hah!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Never stammering my friend!:)

[Chase Dylan]

Always hammering! (Sorry... Could not resist...) Lol

[Joey Nizz]

I'm hammered ~ of ​worth.

This was really worth the read!
Your edit is colossal, its deep and significant, your editing and writing skills does surpass the greats.

Well done Silente.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Joey...! While I did write this, Yumna was the sole editor... I was TEMPTED to change a thing or two... But nope... Tis' all her presentation... After seeing the responses to it... I am damn glad I did not meddle in it... She is a colossally good editor...!

[Joey Nizz]

Then my hats off for both of you, for her creation and your edition.

[Jon Roggie]

If you have found an editor who clicks with you, run with it.
Fourth stanza is sweet.

[Chase Dylan]

I love writing... I hate editing... So I may very well run with it as far as it goes... Since that will be a sure-fire way to actually get my stuff up more frequently...Thank you, Jon, review is even sweeter

[jacob erin-cilberto]

living on the edge...in part a simple life shown here that is actually a contentment....but often we are not satisfied and take wild risks to liven things up for ourselves....that could be riding a precarious high wire.

i like the movement here.

[Chase Dylan]

I like the movement of your reviews even more, Javob, such profound and interesting insight, every damn time... Hah... Precarious, indeed, the hammers line...