Deconstructing My Inefficiency

Deconstructing my inefficiency I find deficiency

A fish in the sea

Unable to see past inner dirty beeps that I speak when wrapped in fleet clouds

A sun god with a hound

I'm crass, I'll blast with mashes of fast acts

I'm a spaz, I'll cast the branch back so it smacks you as you pass

I rap with white eyes so black ice can fight the sunlight and become shadowed night

tight-lipped in fright, they speak with spite in spite of the signs saying do or die

So I did and didn't die, but that was a lie cause I'm dry now

a husk of slime with flies now...

I sense rejection like deaths inception found me hovering before an entity

who laid me humble before an enemy, who said to me rise today and take this remedy

be a servant and prosperity will find you like prophecy

You will have ten dreams of fallacy

I see Alice in steep allowance making cups outta gallons of jealousy

the policy is to gallop free of abhorrent heaps of troubled seas

It's said to be fumbles with creeps in the mud hole of greed

but gallantly I sense unburdened crumbles...

Much like having tea and crumpets in kevlar jeans    

Reviews

[Zoya]

It's always the same, but actually very different every time. Lol. I hope you get what I mean. If you don't, then fair enough...After all I don't usually get what YOU mean. Hell, this was funny! Especially these lines:
'I'm a spaz, I'll cast the branch back so it smacks you as you pass'
'a husk of slime with flies now...'
And the last one, of course, was the show stopper. Mind boggingly written!

[Chase Dylan]

I gotcha, heh... I think, and a hoped thought, I guess is as good as a known one... Thank you, Zoe

[emmajoy]

'' I sense rejection like deaths inception found me hovering before an entity ~ who laid me humble before an enemy, who said to me rise today and..'

Some of us sing, some of us dance, a few string words together or paint colours in the air. Seems you can do all at once with a few somersaulting, rhythmic phrases. Yet another master-unpeaceful that moves along to an ending that never finishes!

[Chase Dylan]

Master-un-peaceful...? Stolen...
As always, you spoil me with praise, hah...
Thanks so very much, EJ.
Interesting you picked that part out to copy back to me, I was a bit up in the air on it...

[emmajoy]

Mind-reader me and- all round reader tween the lines.

[Chase Dylan]

Haha... That sounds like an almost dangerous superpower... Dangerous to your peace of mind

[emmajoy]

Was thinking that!!

[Chase Dylan]

Great (crazy) minds think alike

[emmajoy]

So very true, said the woman wearing dark glasses, hair mustard yellow an'd chewing a honey comb..OH! i know her, lives in my mirror. .

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I feel your mind must always be on a whirlwind with all the raps going on in your head lol this is brilliant! Didn't find any deficiencies here ;)
Cool, as always by you, D (:

[Chase Dylan]

Aye, Yumna... It never shuts-up... Lol. Thank you, as always , and of course it is cool, like a blazing inferno! Oh wait... Are infernos hot or cold... S**t...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

hahah maybe they get cold after a while lol you're welcome, Silente, as always (:

[Shasha]

As I always say, you are a player, always playing with words! You always leave me wondering, great write, Silente!

[Chase Dylan]

Oh yeah... You know me... Super Ultimate Player... Hahah... Thank you, Shasha, what is writing without the fun of it all...

[Shasha]

Yes, and I always see you as a player of words Ind the
"Game of Words". Haha!
My pleasure, friend!

[Chase Dylan]

Hell yes, "Game of Words" seems like a likely title for a next work...

[Shasha]

I will be glad reading a poem of that title!

[Vasilees Sybissyl]

A very strong poem you've got here! So snarky and sarcastic. Loved it!

Love,
Vasilees.

[Chase Dylan]

Another vote for snarky and sarcastic... Heck yes... Two of the best compliments...! Hah, thank you so much, Vas, as always it is appreciated

[Vasilees Sybissyl]

My immense pleasure, Silente!

[Matthew Kult]

Sarcastically Snarky

Awesome Read

Matthew

[Chase Dylan]

What is sarcasm but fruit for the soul... Thanks, Matthew, much appreciated

[Matthew Kult]

You're welcome. Was a joy.

Matthew

[wordman]

this is certainly far out there my friend,but you may be right

[Chase Dylan]

I wish I may, I wish I might... Thanks so very much, Man of Words

[Lykos]

The way you write is mental. Everytime I read one of your works I'm amazed. I could see you on a stage in front of thousand rapping out this masterpiece. As always, excellent work silente.

[Chase Dylan]

D'aw, well thank you, I can see myself on a stage as well... I mostly see boo's, but we all judge ourselves differently, lol... Much appreciated, the appreciation of king Lykos

[Lykos]

No mate, after you had finished, cheers and applause would be heard from the crowd. Anytime silente.

[Chase Dylan]

If you say so... I believe it wholeheartedly! Just gotta get my a*s on dat stage, eh? Haha...

[Lykos]

That's it man, jump up and let the rhymes flow.

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSh..]

Silente, I feel as if I have been let in on some
ironic wisdom or the punch line of a joke I never got until now. So were all having a tremendous laugh in a mocking of the Universe and how ridiculous destiny is when Chaos rules the day. Just to make sure I am grounded I embrace the fact that you are so right about Alice and her drinking problem. How very civilized of you to end with tea and I must say I admire your commitment with Kevlar there really is no quick exits. Bravo, you have entertained me Sir with superior words.

Sheer Terror

[Chase Dylan]

Cheers to shared laughter and wonky jokes, heh... Thanks very much for the appreciation, TerryDarcy... Alice has a very bad problem... Hah

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSheerTerror]

Silente you are welcome

[Norbanus]

No inefficiency here to be disbursed. This is a snappy, fast moving bit if verse.
I must admit, I prefer a more formal poetic form, but, if we've gotta have unrhymed poetry, this piece fills the bill with excellent use of language and context.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Nor, I stylize a bit unconventionally, yes. Informal, even. I gotta say, though, plenttty of rhyming going on here, heh

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Snap-snap-snap-rap...no deficiency noted in ‘raptor-rapper’-“crass...spaz”-no not you, ever! Beat, mad rhyme, flow, text and context superb.”fumbles with creeps in mud holes of greed”- never you. Suffering perhaps, but no “servant”, you. I bow ,as always, to brilliance. Kudos my friend!

[Chase Dylan]

HAH... I do not even know where to begin on that one... Thank you ever so much, Annette... That is amazing... Raptor rapper, lolol

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You are so welcome Silente! Glad the review brought you smiles.:):)