Deconstructing My Inefficiency

Deconstructing My Inefficiency

A Poem by Silente-Write
"

A fish in the sea...

"
Deconstructing my inefficiency I find deficiency
A fish in the sea
Unable to see past inner dirty beeps that I speak when wrapped in fleet clouds
A sun god with a hound
I'm crass, I'll blast with mashes of fast acts
I'm a spaz, I'll cast the branch back so it smacks you as you pass
I rap with white eyes so black ice can fight the sunlight and become shadowed night
tight-lipped in fright, they speak with spite in spite of the signs saying do or die
So I did and didn't die, but that was a lie cause I'm dry now
a husk of slime with flies now...
I sense rejection like deaths inception found me hovering before an entity
who laid me humble before an enemy, who said to me rise today and take this remedy
be a servant and prosperity will find you like prophecy
You will have ten dreams of fallacy
I see Alice in steep allowance making cups outta gallons of jealousy
the policy is to gallop free of abhorrent heaps of troubled seas
It's said to be fumbles with creeps in the mud hole of greed
but gallantly I sense unburdened crumbles...
Much like having tea and crumpets in kevlar jeans    

© 2017 Silente-Write


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Featured Review

It's always the same, but actually very different every time. Lol. I hope you get what I mean. If you don't, then fair enough...After all I don't usually get what YOU mean. Hell, this was funny! Especially these lines:
'I'm a spaz, I'll cast the branch back so it smacks you as you pass'
'a husk of slime with flies now...'
And the last one, of course, was the show stopper. Mind boggingly written!

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

I gotcha, heh... I think, and a hoped thought, I guess is as good as a known one... Thank you, Zoe
This comment has been deleted by this poetry author.



Reviews

Your rhymes are very good..
It is a nice poem.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jes' Pi

3 Years Ago

Work more. You can do better. We can always do better.
Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

Finally... Someone who understands... Our journey of self-mastery does not end till we die...
Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

I will... You too, Pi... You too...
Its a rap right, do you rap this or what?

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

Haha, Yes, I definitely do, Jack
That twisted time where relevance and gravity way heavy on ones heart is delicious in this piece, well done, good read.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

Oh wow... This is incredibly poetic and deep... I am flattered I could spark such appreciation... Th.. read more
I like the way it picks up the pace throughout to the mic-drop.
The 'black ice' line made me raise a Spock eyebrow in appreciation.
Excellente Silente !

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

Yes! That was my favorite part, got my Spock eyebrow up as well, hah... Thank you, TJ
Oh man . I am a fan of you from today . Read your poem it was awesome . The poetic tools were utilized in a way that brought the theme out in a very grasping manner .
Be my sesnsei will you . Teach me .
(Sorry cant help it . I loved your writing)

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

I love to teach anyone who wants to learn, Raghib, thank you for appreciating so much
Love it, Silente! The final line absolutely slays me! I gotta get me some of those kevlar jeans!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

I agree, Iron, it would help with spills... Thank you
An intense write full of imagery to tease the reader, we are our own worst critics but sometimes respected by our enemies. Nice heavily packed writing!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

Thank you, Andrew
It's always the same, but actually very different every time. Lol. I hope you get what I mean. If you don't, then fair enough...After all I don't usually get what YOU mean. Hell, this was funny! Especially these lines:
'I'm a spaz, I'll cast the branch back so it smacks you as you pass'
'a husk of slime with flies now...'
And the last one, of course, was the show stopper. Mind boggingly written!

Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

I gotcha, heh... I think, and a hoped thought, I guess is as good as a known one... Thank you, Zoe
This comment has been deleted by this poetry author.
brutal honesty of self examination is paramount eh!? and the "world" does deceive us with false promises .. i like the standing before an entity and being humbled by an enemy .. lots of meaning says i! and i really like your closing line ..vivid and succinct
E.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

Agreed, and oh so much agreed... Entities of enemies are nefarious, eh? Hah... ME TOO! Thank you... .. read more
I can't tell if you're getting better at this or if I'm getting better at reading you!?!?! *smile* I love your interesting word choices & I like this one in particular becuz it's easier for me to follow the overall journey of ideas. Love the way you include intense imagery (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente-Write

3 Years Ago

Hmm, it could be both... Lol, and I appreciate it, because I am always in the eternal struggle of ma.. read more

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31 Reviews
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Added on October 17, 2017
Last Updated on October 17, 2017
Tags: Poetry

Author

Silente-Write
Silente-Write

Denver, CO



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When you have no words... Go find them! They get lost easily... (Seriously) more..

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