Live like You are Dying

Redeeming the time because the days are evil.

A season, an opportunity, and a section of time.

If I asked for any of yours, would you mind?

We all live in time and time exist.

We are all in the here and now, so we can’t escape it.

The what?

The now!

There’re are two groups of listeners: the ones that believe that there’s less time passed in front of them than more time behind.

There are others thinking the future is greater than the past.

Time will pass and as I’m thinking this, time is passing...

Infinite ages.

The activity is redeeming the time.

Here’s the world and we’re taking something from it.

It’s afforded to you and me.

I’m separating time and eternity.

I’m taking time from eternity.

There’s something more to this and I’m not being unwise to the words.

I’m using the time and ceasing the time.

The days are evil and yet still nothing has changed.

We make our own interpretations, but there is a will and here’s a reason for this meaning.

What is my life about?

We all ask this.

Am I redeeming the time?

Am I making it count?

I’m not living to live out the time, but to reach in the world for myself, so that I can reach out to others with the hope that one day I can make a difference.

Without using force, would you listen?

Only if I want you to.

I do have something to do.

What do we need to be saved?

The truth is simple, just believe!

There was a wake-up call and a witness.

It’s so overwhelming because I’m wanting to share without being obnoxious.

Shame and embarrassment are the works of the devil.

Formulating and ceasing the opportunity.

There’s acknowledgement of my own purpose in this time of eternity.

I’m reaching into time for eternities own sake and I’m not waiting because there is no perfect moment, just the now!

There’s something for you to hear.

Would you listen?

Only with the given ability of the known God that many refuse.

Can you relate?

Are you listening?

I have a darken mind, but I can’t always hide the light in my chest under a chair.

It will still illuminate what is to be known and that’s the truth.

I can’t buy back my yesterday’s, but I can write my own history.

I am not ashamed, so I’m reaching into the world and touching those that do not understand.

I know where I am.

Do you?

I’m not concerned with those that boast and hate me because I’m finding my own way.

This is what I have and my history starts every day.

I will travel through the thorns and darkness and I don’t want to be the same!

Reviews

[JPDonelan]

An interesting piece, with some thought provoking phrases and observations. But, there were also some lines that had me scratching my head.
The initial focus on time I felt worked, and I felt your transition from it also worked.

That said, I have some observations and feedback. Do with it as you will.

The word "and" in the second line might be unnecessary. Suspect it to be more a matter of preference in this case, but I find the flow works a little better. At least in my read.

In the fourth line, the tail end "time exist" is a bit wonky. It seems to mean little in context of the set up, and makes me think you meant to have it say "exist in time."

In the eighth line, I'm not sure I follow the word choice behind "listeners." Thinkers, as used in a line a little further beyond (the tenth or eleventh), seems to serve better. Though, ultimately, I believe the word "thinking" might serve better considering where the piece seems to go.

I have one point with the following line: "I have a darken mind, but I can’t always hide the light in my chest under a chair." The word "darken" should probably be "darkened" considering the functioning tense.

That is all I have for now.

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

There's some very thought provoking issues in here about living in the now, it also feels a tad too long so if you're thinking about editing, that's something I would bear in mind.

[Cheyanna]

I love the asking of this poem, it really gets you to contemplate what you're doing with your life. "Do you?", I'm not sure if I do. Time to think about what I want my history to be-- thanks for sharing!

[DanielaMorris]

one of the best poems i have read in quite a while, deep and alluring to the soul in my opinion, you have a good grasp of them meaning in your writing, i admire that, well done.

[CherryEllie]

very deep and it gets you think about the time you have left. very nicely done!

[Rynn]

"Redeeming the time because the days are evil.
A season, an opportunity, and a section of time." - I like the idea of the piece already, I feel as though 'evil' isn't quite the right word here - I can't put my finger on what it is, but It just didn't feel like the right word for it.

"If I asked for any of yours, would you mind?
We all live in time and time exist." - 'exist' should be 'exists'. I like where you're going with the time concept but I feel it could be even more exaggerated and abstract than just these sort of, reminder statements. I also caution the 'call and response' type pieces where you ask a question and answer it yourself or answer it in the persona of what could perceivably be your audience. I'm wary of that form only because it limits the imagination of the reader if you are consistently providing the answers, or telling them how it is versus what they could imagine on their own.

"We are all in the here and now, so we can’t escape it.
The what?
The now!" - When you are referring to a conceptual place to avoid confusing I feel it should be written as: 'here and now'. I love the ideas presented in this piece but felt as though the word choice doesn't do them justice - didn't quite convey what you were aiming for. I am wary of exclamation points in pieces that are meant to be serious. I'm aware they are used to exclaim things, but feel as though they should only really be used in dialogue and sarcasm pieces. They come off as cheap to me because if you wish to make your point more powerful your word choice should already do that for you. You should not need to shout the word to give it more emphasis. A period is more powerful than an exclamation point will ever be.

"What do we need to be saved?
The truth is simple, just believe!" - I felt a little lost reading this because of the lack of punctuation. I didn't know how you wanted it to be read.

Example:

1. "What do we need to be saved?
The truth is simple, just believe!"


2. "What do we need, to be saved?
The truth is simple, just believe!"

3. What, do we need to be saved?
The truth is simple, just believe!

"There’re are two groups of listeners: the ones that believe that there’s less time passed in front of them than more time behind.
There are others thinking the future is greater than the past.
Time will pass and as I’m thinking this, time is passing..." - I felt these lines were especially confusing, I had to read them over a couple times. I think that word choice is a big thing here as well as structure. The line structure is a large part of pieces like this, I urge you to think about how you've organized the piece as a whole. Every detail matters if you want your readers to feel what you felt while writing this.

"I’m reaching into time for eternities own sake and I’m not waiting because there is no perfect moment, just the now!
There’s something for you to hear.
Would you listen?
Only with the given ability of the known God that many refuse.
Can you relate?
Are you listening?" - this is my own personal interpretation of this, but I felt this portion was redundant and felt a bit hounded while reading it. I felt as though the text was getting in my face trying to make me think or feel a certain way. Perhaps you came on too strong here, or maybe it's because you had similar ideas earlier on, so it came across as being reminded.

"I have a darken mind, but I can’t always hide the light in my chest under a chair." - I found that this had a structure issue. Did you mean 'dark mind' or 'darker mind' ?

"I am not ashamed, so I’m reaching into the world and touching those that do not understand.
I know where I am.
Do you?" - again, I felt a tad bit attacked here as though you are trying to prove that you are wiser or challenging your readers perceptions of time and being. I think this is largely due to the "Do you?" bit. I do not believe that one has to include others or put others in any particular category to get their point across. By that, I mean that someone not knowing where they are does not further affirm that you do, if that makes sense.

"This is what I have and my history starts every day." - excellent line, very confident.


Overall, I think this could use another look for structure, punctuation and intent. Be very aware of what you are intending to get across. I figured that I did not interpret this as you intended. I want to see the way that you wanted it to be read, so perhaps editing with that in mind - and if this is as you like it to be, then it's important for you also to take every other opinion with a grain of salt because you are ultimately the author and therefore have final say in your work. I like the ideas you've presented and thought you had some interesting interpretations of time. Thank you much for the read, write on.

-Rynn

[Hebe]

Time is of the essence as they say.... so true! great message in your poem, if only we could see past all the trivialities .... A very inspirational piece of writing.

[Stacy Purvis]

I thought of this as I read your piece:
uploadimage There's no better time than the present. https://s8.postimg.org/czseht6ut/th_4.jpg

[Giulia King]

I love this poem!! Great job. This is so powerful and accurate.

[KT-B]

very thought provoking write, I enjoyed it, someone close is facing their last days as she has cancer, much too young and it's made me look at life like your poem....we shouldn't put things off but cease the day, you never know what's round the corner...living in the moment is the way to go, not dwell on the past and not worry about the future - only be the best you can be in each moment - easier said that done, I guess :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Interested thoughts conveyed through this write. This is somewhat a debatable topic, where people would come with varying opinions. Living in the present while forgetting the past is theoretically too easy to say, but practically, no. But yeah we can write our history and change our futures to some degrees..
Good write :)