Vdara

Shivery, lust, and bad attitudes...

Were all on the menu

Yester-moon.

It was rather a great late afternoon…

Your lipstick shade decayed the day

Along with harpooning the mood.

And we shared stage frights

Until the stars met our eyes.

Oh my,

           The kiss you left on my chest was bliss!

No, it was much more Ms.

I savored every inch of it

Knowing it wouldn’t remain,

But to me…

It was sacred.

It was painless.

It was the perfect silence.

And “it”

Wasn’t afraid to welcome in the rain ---

It said , “chime in.”

It was a perfect harmony like a wind chime

When our souls met.

Some will say our love is a crime,

But I don’t mind.

Because

                     I love you.

And you..?

Hummingbird

Nectar,

The reason why my neck hurts!

That’s magical like

The Mayan temples,

And when

They re...discover

This Love,

It will uncover a new

Category list

Of philosopher.

Reviews

[JayceeC]

You really write great beat poetry..I wants to be read allowed. The rhythm pulls me through even when there's a line that I want to question, and so it deserves another read. On second read I started really looking at the contradictions. . Decay and harpooning are hallmarks of somrthing dying, but as I read on it was clearly not the intent. Then the crime..made me think..why? Why is it a crime? Byond that I enjoyed the tumble of metaphors you used to build this. Only dicover should be discovered. Your creativity is to be commended.

[sinNsincerity]

Nice, my goal was to give that rhythm and beat, so that is would be a pleasure to read and do exactly what you said: to pull you in. The love is a crime because it differs from the ordinary norm Love. That why in the end I say when it is discovered it would have to be studied...
Thank you for reading Jaycee!

[jellycat94]

This is excellent! I can feel it as I read it. It actually makes me think of my relationship, which is polyamorous and taboo. I love your way with words, this was a real treat to read. This might be my 6th time reading it. It's like dessert, you want more than one bite, and maybe more than one serving!

[Cœur]

This was a nicely written piece. I'm not sure why, but I loved the line "Your lipstick shade decayed the day." This reminded me of a Fredrick Seidel poem, disorganized and a little messy, but it still worked out in the end. Good job.

[Sami Khalil]

"This Love
It will uncover a new
Category list
Of philosopher."

You are really philosophizing about love and romance with observation and precision. You are savoring the moments...)_...............

[Omikron]

My first thought reading this, apart from my immense admiration and how much I adored this poem, was that I was really curious about what was outside your hotel window, because this poem is just fantastically written and so greatly detailed, it truly feels good reading it.
I have to say though, I loved the rhythm that you had first, but then as the poem went on I feel like you lost it, and then changed the rhythm completely. And while I may find that distracting, I also find it slightly genius, since you write about love that can never be, a stream of emotions left unanswered and that mess with your mind, slowly making you go insane. Or maybe I'm a too big of a nerd for philosophy and analysis.... Either way, one of my best reads today. Thank you.

// O

[Hebe]

Great rhythm. ... you must have been watching something interesting outside your hotel window;) love your combinatuon of words to diescribe something unique!

[PhoenixDown]

The flow I have come to respect & know.
Ride on my friend.
Excellent work.

[Elizabeth J. Gelinger]

Great piece of poetry, with a original and well used imagery that combined to a great vocabulary makes this piece both readable and enjoyable. I really liked the resources you used on the paragraphs. Keep writing.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Elizabeth, I'm really glad that you did enjoy it!

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Wow,
This section is at odds with the rest of your words:
"It was rather a great late afternoon…

Your lipstick shade decayed the day
Along with harpooning the mood."--it says to me, that her shade was all wrong--maybe for her or the other person in this situation at hand.

Then, the rest of it says to me that is was enjoyable and worth it--even though there is an issue with a sore neck.
Staring out the window does bring many reflections depending on one's mood and what is in front of them...
The structure could be tweaked here, too.
"This Love
It will uncover a new
Category list
Of philosopher."--this section is your ending. It puts a particular emphasis on Love because it is capitalized. I wonder about the philosopher and these categories...how are they relating to this Love?

[sinNsincerity]

The lipstick shade decaying the day is time flying by with no importance and everything along with time is irrelevant when standing in the presence of her beauty.
And the reason for the sore neck is oral sex; hence, the humming bird nectar (sexual juices).

[Nina H.]

Wow. Simply amazing. The rhythm, the word play, the imagery, the passion, too good! This is one of my favorites for sure.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you for complement Nina, this has to be one of my favorites as well.

[Polly]

This was once again, a very good poem! I loved the imagery in this, and the words you chose were amazing, good job! :)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Polly, it was my pleasure!

[Polly]

No problem. :)