Supermarket Heart

Repeat

Reheat

Re-glance…

No pots or pans…

Just the vision of us

holding hands.

No shirts or pants…

Just that smile that’ll

forever relapse like

the Asian-American

sun dance.

It came with no receipt

and there was most certainly

no needs for a plastic

or paper bag...

Because we came to eat!

Reviews

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

There are some really strong lines in here i am particularly in love with the

It came with no receipt
and there was most certainly
no needs for a plastic
or paper bag...

To me that shows the limitedsness of the this relationship to be served once. Great piece, the lines of this is the part that stick out the most to me, almost an illusion, like its true meaning is just peeking out. Very nice solid work.

[sinNsincerity]

I can't give it all away...that's for face to face convo's hehe =D

[Fahmida Mehreen]

The main catch for me was the first three words. Those words insisted that I scroll down till the end.
Nicely put.

[sinNsincerity]

That is a tough task, to write an opener that will seduce people to free fall into it.
Thank you once again Fahmida!

[PaintedBirdy]

.................................i love it.

[sinNsincerity]

...................................I'm well pleased that you did

[Davidgeo]

If you were to substitute Native American sun dance with "Asian American sun dance" you would make more sense.

I'm no red man but I'd wager this poem would benefit greatly should that aforementioned change take place.

I, am gonna go, huff some gasoline and scream at the homeless for the rest of the evening. It was fun reading you. Fine writing my dear, fine writing.

[sinNsincerity]

I don't see how Native American would make sense?
I said relapse like the Asian American because the a metaphor for the sun rising in the east [Asian] and setting in the west [American]...

[Davidgeo]

Native American Sun dance has the same meaning. But more importantly to my point, it has the exact same meaning. And is exactly called that. It flows better and has a more direct meaning. I get what your doing, it's not bad at all. I'm just throwing you some reasoned suggestions.

[Davidgeo]

remove the period after "meaning", make And lowercase (and).

it makes more sense that way.

[sinNsincerity]

I don't think you do get it... the distance is far greater as when native would be right where I am...

[Davidgeo]

What does this poem mean? I'm not offended in not getting it, I don't think I get most things. Would you tell me though? What does your poem mean?

[sinNsincerity]

I don't understand why people want me to change the way I write something just because it doesn't please them???

[Davidgeo]

Sincerely, if you would be so kind

[sinNsincerity]

It's about f*****g

[Davidgeo]

I don't want to change anything. You fail to understand the difference between suggestion and demand. I demand nothing.... why put your work out without expecting this?

[Davidgeo]

I'm more interested in your "everyone wants to change me!" line.... why do you think that?

[sinNsincerity]

Because I don't right for reviews, I do it for people's enjoyment. If they get it, sweet, if not, oh well...

[sinNsincerity]

Because as of late, those who don't understand what I'm saying do so...

[Davidgeo]

You are not above critique. Just because you claim yourself to be "righting for the people's, etc." does not mean everything you spit out is gold or beyond a suggestion or two. Your response to me has been reactionary in a bad way. Try harder next time.

[sinNsincerity]

I don't claim anything. I just speak my mind. I don't go and tell you what to write. I just say what I like and if I don't, I keep my mouth shut. That simple. You don't have to get all anal about it.

[Davidgeo]

Why do you publish anything if you want reviewer's to "keep (their) mouth shut"?

Take a step back, re read what you just wrote to me. Use some common sense. By all means find some common sense.

[sinNsincerity]

Because I can...
You are the only one who seems tof have a problem.
You don't have to read my stuff. I'm fine with that.

[sinNsincerity]

Go huff that gasoline and yell at bums because that's common sense...

[Davidgeo]

This...
---all your words in quotations of course....
"You are the only one who seems tof (sic) have a problem. "
contradicts this.....
"I don't understand why people want me to change the way I write something"
hmmm....

I offered you reason critique, you've endeavored on a lengthy rant about how, if I don't have ONLY good things to say I should not read you.... my "friend" that is absurd and if you carry on with this reasoning you will stagnate as a writer sooner than later. Good luck sin in "sincerity"

[sinNsincerity]

Touce', but you are the only one taking it to another level dude.
And we are not friends, I don't even know you...

[Davidgeo]

Never said we were friends... not one time. Hmm. Are you drunk? You don't seem completely coherent.

[Lauren_The_Awesome]

The imagery is amazing and the last part was surprising. Good job :)

[sinNsincerity]

What was so surprising Lauren?

[Lauren_The_Awesome]

The last line was so unexpected

[EssenceofDaringx]

This poem conjures up images of a young couple, in love, cooking together in the kitchen. Flirting as tension rises because they both know what's going down when the sun sets...

[sinNsincerity]

And it went down, then I went up... hehe
You're dead on though.

[Tatiana Raudales]

It was intriguing from beginning to end. The ending really surprised me though!

[sinNsincerity]

What made it so surprising if I may ask?

[Asante]

I read the title and knew I'd be in for something unique, at the very least.
You didn't let me down in that department, and you actually left me to sit and think about this one. I always appreciate writings that can accomplish that.
Someone mentioned it below, but I'll just reiterate: There are some strong, strong lines in this piece. Solid work, bro!

[sinNsincerity]

Thanks bro, I highly appreciate that! I new it would be a fucken rad way to speak on sex and whatnot...

[Asante]

No problem, bro! It's unique as all f**k for a sex piece.

[sinNsincerity]

You see dude up there mad hating lol

[Asante]

Lmao, he really did jump out the window with that one. Man, let that pass.

[sinNsincerity]

Forealzies lol

[Polly]

Oh my goodness, this left me in awe! This is so simple yet elegant. Great job! The only thing that seems out of place is the last sentence. For some reason, it doesn't flow well with the others. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed reading this. :)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Pollyanna, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Theven ending isn't supposed to flow because it's making a statement.

[Polly]

You're welcome, and oh, okay, that makes sense. Thanks for the clarification! :)

[gypsynight]

This so simple yet so beautiful, speaks directly to the heart. I really enjoy it! very talented.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much for thinking so Renee, I's really glad that you enjoyed it!

[...]

As cool as the other side of the pillow :) Love it!

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Lynn hehe