Gothic Love Spit

Gothic Love Spit

A Poem by sinNsincerity
"

Are you ready???

"

Her sunflower mouth

Sprout and sprang,

And with that,

Insanity sang.

And here I came,

Chasing dementia...

A madness that yawned

Proudly and stout.

Portly corpulent

When weighing in

On our clout...

Lost in thought?

No doubt.

But captivated in your trot.

Tip toeing through your

Hopscotch of a plot.

I was getting closer to your warmth,

But then I forgot...

You're my heart’s bandage,

But I'm sorry love,

I'm the making love bandit.

But you love this...

Can you handle this

Eternal bondage?





© 2016 sinNsincerity


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There is a grand dance here, the tempering of the words used in the imagery is quite fine at times.
This has some good bones, and the intensity shows through.
The rhymes are a challenge, either they need to find a scheme both you and they can live with, or free them from this work.
Her sunflower mouth sprout and sprang, is an incredible success, and a powerful way to begin this piece. Proudly and stout portly corpulent, seems weak in its repetition of thought.
Though eternal bondage is an interesting way to end the piece, the three lines before it could be more robust, and "the making love bandit" is too 70's pop music cute to stand proud next to some of the excellent creations you have placed here.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

I do that with with the rhymes to f**k with people's minds. Readers will get sucked it to it and onc.. read more



Reviews


Confidence with arrogance, exactly the emotion coming to light and a reflection on paper. That’s what poetry is, thoughts coming to life as it is thought up in the mind. Dark and satisfying! Good job


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

I guess you you can say that. To me it's about love and accepting my darkness, so I my improve mysel.. read more
Wow very inspiring *-*
Am a sucker for gothic things♡

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

As am I...
Pink Pastel

7 Years Ago

Cool; )great
Hello SiS, a lovely sensual piece that feeds the imagination.
Well written, you feel the teasing dance of the push and pull.
Nice work.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Lovely way to put it Sophia, I highly appreciate it.
An interesting question at the end. There is surely a sense of mystery and an unsolved case here. Something to surely think about. You ended the poem with an open ending, which made it intriguing. Glad you shared, and waiting to read more :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Why thank you Guy, I'm stoked you found those goodies.
Insanity sang.
And here I came,
Chasing dementia...
A madness that yawned
Proudly and stout.

This poem pulled out of me a sigh of appreciation with the above lines. The way you flipped the switch is clever. At first I thought she was the dangerous one, but the love bandit proves me wrong. You capture the dangers of love well. Kudos

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Pretty Sweet! That's all I can dream of.
I guess we, her and I, both have our own dangers. T.. read more
Photo and words are amazing.
"I'm the making love bandit.
But you you love this..."
You gave life to the photo and I liked the above words. Sometime we land in odd and safe places. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Ha, thank you Coyote. I do my best to paint pictures of odd and safe places...
Coyote Poetry

7 Years Ago

Good to be a painter of words and you are welcome.
It is really beautiful and dark. : )

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Akshita

7 Years Ago

Is batman beautiful?
sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

The ideals behind it is to me...
Akshita

7 Years Ago

Well then ......yes, as beautiful and dark as Batman. : )
Very good imagery. Very enjoyable poem. Liked it :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

It's a pleasure, and I am pleased with you enjoyment.
I have no idea what happened in this piece. But, part of me feels that it's a cute little piece meant for someone special. I think you did a really good job though. My only suggestion of change would be for the line that says, "I'm the making love bandit" I think you should swap the words "Making love" so it reads, "love making". That's just my thoughts. I feel that would make the line flow better.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Magik is what happened...
Tessa Melendez

7 Years Ago

I see. Lol.
Devious13

7 Years Ago

oddly I know the very thing .. it's a one of a kind MAGIK
Hi there an enjoyable read with very interesting words and imagery.

Blessings

EL

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

I am very glad that you think so El and I'm glad that you had enjoyed it.

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1273 Views
28 Reviews
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Added on August 23, 2016
Last Updated on August 26, 2016

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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