Gothic Love Spit

Gothic Love Spit

A Poem by sinNsincerity
"

Are you ready???

"

Her sunflower mouth

Sprout and sprang,

And with that,

Insanity sang.

And here I came,

Chasing dementia...

A madness that yawned

Proudly and stout.

Portly corpulent

When weighing in

On our clout...

Lost in thought?

No doubt.

But captivated in your trot.

Tip toeing through your

Hopscotch of a plot.

I was getting closer to your warmth,

But then I forgot...

You're my heart’s bandage,

But I'm sorry love,

I'm the making love bandit.

But you love this...

Can you handle this

Eternal bondage?





© 2016 sinNsincerity


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There is a grand dance here, the tempering of the words used in the imagery is quite fine at times.
This has some good bones, and the intensity shows through.
The rhymes are a challenge, either they need to find a scheme both you and they can live with, or free them from this work.
Her sunflower mouth sprout and sprang, is an incredible success, and a powerful way to begin this piece. Proudly and stout portly corpulent, seems weak in its repetition of thought.
Though eternal bondage is an interesting way to end the piece, the three lines before it could be more robust, and "the making love bandit" is too 70's pop music cute to stand proud next to some of the excellent creations you have placed here.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

I do that with with the rhymes to f**k with people's minds. Readers will get sucked it to it and onc.. read more



Reviews

Such an amazing piece! I really like the way you described her, and her madness. You make it sound like insanity is attractive, it pulls you towards that person. "Tip toeing through your hopscotch of a plot" love this line! Very well written.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

I guess it's a uniquely special type of insanity that she presents, because if it were any other wom.. read more
Very good poetry right here :) Leaves me wanting more, Keep it up!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

And there's more to come!
Just magical....
Very Charming thought put with a bondage of emotions which are fragile, delicate and wonderful to the extent it never breaks down....
beautifully described....
sorry for the late review though. .
Anindita : )

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Never be sorry for late reviews Anindita, I don't write for reviews. I write for your enjoyment and .. read more
so magically powerful, feelings that only words can convey this well. like a beautifully-yet-tightly knit sweater (idk why that's what came in my mind)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

So cozy hehe!
raven

7 Years Ago

exactly :3
The priceless question in the end summons all the emotions together. Brilliantly put. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Thank you Fahmida, it really does, doesn't it?
Fahmida Mehreen

7 Years Ago

Without a doubt.
the descriptive wording really hammers home the delicate nature and playful soul of the piece, well done, good read.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

That's grace, thank you Thomas, I'm glad.
reads like a song,sing it again

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

Fallalalala
there's some really awesome imagery in this. her mouth - her voice basically - is described as both a sunflower and a song of insanity. haha. it's both attractive and confusing. this is just my interpretation, of course. "I was getting closer to your warmth" adds to the imagery of her voice being a sunflower because, presumably, a sunflower would be warm, so therefore so would she.

i like the lines "tip toeing through your/ hopscotch of a plot." i'd translate this as something like "i was careful playing the game you made up."

"You're my heart's bandage," is interesting too, basically saying "i was hurt, and i forgot that you're the one healing me now, sure you can handle it?"

another good poem, Sin! i always enjoy reading these.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

7 Years Ago

I love displaying a juxtaposition of something that would be saddening and making it beautiful ( in .. read more

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28 Reviews
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Added on August 23, 2016
Last Updated on August 26, 2016

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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