Rain of My Lord

An Angel screamed when I was born,

And at the same time,

I was scorched,

Because my innocence was lost.

Baptized,

Took communion,

And confirmed it.

What a sermon.

itwasperfect

You should’ve heard it...

Yet, an exodus was leading me away.

And now,

I’m beating down tradition.

A plight that led my way.

Away from you.

Away from me.

Are you lonely?

'Cause I am.

Come along with me.

Let's pack up this Genesis

And make a way

Away with this belief.

Best believe I'm dammed,

So I search the six under the nine.

But I need you because

There's a void;

In my heart,

In your mind,

In our soul.

Oh my.

A new creature.

Who can be such?

But such as the aroma of my patience,

I'll stand here and there,

But never near.

Ever so clear.

Author's Note

Let my poems be the rain

Reviews

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

You had some really beautiful imagery here and the emotion of the poem really came through- the only thing I felt didn't really work was the line "and my innocence was lost", that felt a little cliche to me, though it's just a suggestion so you can feel free to ignore it!

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Asya, I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and I'm glad that you had enjoyed it.
-David

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

That's alright, I'm glad I could help!

[Hebe]

Powerful poem and imagery. ...i imagined trumpets playing ...the gates of hell opening...great piece!

[sinNsincerity]

That would be pretty sweet.

[JayG]

For you, each line points to memories, emotion, and images in your mind. But for me, each line points to memories, emotion, and images in YOUR mind. The reader can only take the meaning the words suggest to them, based on their background and experience.

You lost your innocence at birth? Angels screamed? You were scorched? In what way, and where?

Because I'm not you, the piece has words, yes. But given that you provide no context, and your intent for a line never makes it past the keyboard, for me they're just words.

So unless you're trying to sound deep just for the sake of deepness, I'd advise a focus on how the words will play with the reader.

[sinNsincerity]

The questions you ask is what I sought to leave behind. Ambiguity and mystery, I believe, allows the reader to reflect upon themselves and bring up certain feelings rather than trying to understand mine. Sort of like a mirror. Not something I have perfected, but I am working on it.
Indeed they are just words, but it's up to the reader to analyze them and seek what they may.

[JayG]

• Indeed they are just words, but it's up to the reader to analyze them and seek what they may. read more• Indeed they are just words, but it's up to the reader to analyze them and seek what they may.

In that case, here's the best poem ever written:

" " It "allows the reader to reflect upon themselves and bring up certain feelings rather than trying to understand mine." I can't claim to be the author, though, I cribbed it from the margin of a book on poetry I was reading the other day.

If you expect the reader to have a transendental experience based on your words you damn well better use words meaningful to THEM, because once you release your words into the world you, your background, and your intent become irrelevant. It's the reader and what the words suggest to THEM, based on THEIR background and understanding.

So unless that reader shares your understanding of what an angel is, why they scream, and who the speaker is, what can "An Angel screamed when I was born," mean to THEM?

Too much of that and the opening of Bunthorn's, "If You're Anxious for to Shine" (G&S Patience) will apply:

If you're anxious for to shine
in the high sthetic line
as a man of culture rare,
You must get up all the germs
of the transcendental terms,
and plant them everywhere.

You must lie upon the daisies
and discourse in novel phrases
of your complicated state of mind,
The meaning doesn't matter
if it's only idle chatter
of a transcendental kind.

And every one will say,
As you walk your mystic way,
"If this young man expresses himself
in terms too deep for me,
Why, what a very singularly deep young man
this deep young man must be!"

[wordman]

sounds like you were a gifted child right off,
loved the imagery you painted

[sinNsincerity]

I would like to think so hehe
Thank you Ron.

[PhoenixDown]

Striking opening. Radical imagery right off the bat.
You keep it tight, as your style tends to be. Clean lines & breaks. All of which I am a total fan of. Still peppered in some humor along with epic contrasting scenes. You keep it all spiritual and personal and human in a sense. Ask question along the way as well, and also answer your own. Colossal ending imagery. Great word as well - "perfume" to drop near the end. Nailed it.

Still a fan.

Phoenix

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Phoenix, my style doesn't please everyone and may seem troublesome, but I do know some people enjoy it and that is why I continue to write.