Eleven 'Till Six

Eleven 'Till Six

A Poem by sinNsincerity

You stole my heart and

I never asked for it back.

I allowed you to keep it

and now you're just as damned

as I am.

Don't you dare

and curse me with those

words that focus upon the stars.

Are you feeling restless?

Don't reply.

I go against thee.

I dream of your cries.

In my mind, I'm provided a glimpse.

But I won’t tell you,

Because they are all mine.

And that's divine.

That's enough, so

Don't touch and torture

Me with dancing lies.

© 2018 sinNsincerity


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Featured Review

Hello.

I enjoy your poem for it has an essence I like, a pure dark and dark pure essence, that paints a harmonious contrast between two (metaphorically) different persons that are, in reality, the same. Further, it typifies the darkened vision of someone's opinion on love, an inner voice. That inner voice is an echo of desperation and adust remains, blaming the one who stole the heart (center of love) getting cursed by it, falling in love too. As a spectral reflection, the one who stole reflected the bitter vices of the heart, trying to curse its owner, where we can see how the former owner was affected by this center of love. The inner voice tells that it has been through the new owner's thoughts, knowing the divine disaster, understanding. A glimpse. The inner voice keeps lying about the worthy elements the heart has, hypnotizing the new owner, letting him/her believe in the chalky power of love.

In short, the poesy summarizes the displeasures of love, its chains, its locks, desperation and a cosmic divinity that controls the edges of the mentioned sensations.

I urge you to invent your own words for when you want to describe something and don't know how (it is poetry, you can simply juggle with those figures of speech). For example, " dancing lies", "dancing" is a very used adjective in poetry. I'm not telling you that it isn't good or that you shouldn't use it, but I would love to see writers inventing their own language, their own way to express the soul.

About grammar mistakes:
"And that's devine."--->" And that's divine."

Concluding, the idea of the poem is well-expressed, the title is well-chosen and it is melodious. As one more advice, I propose you to use a more poetic language, poetic words, for it will soak the poesy in a perfect disaster of meaning and art.

I was really glad to read your poem and I hope you didn't take anything I said personal because my opinion is humble. Until next time...Farewell!

Posted 6 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Jes' Pi

6 Years Ago

I"ll Look for them.
Thank you.
sinNsincerity

6 Years Ago

I did very much enjoy your initial analysis though. I love the insight that you had brought forth.
Jes' Pi

6 Years Ago

thank you very much



Reviews

wow, that was sad and beautiful. thank you for sharing that with me

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

5 Years Ago

You're most welcome Tiffani.
I liked the poem. Honest words and description. I did like the logical ending.
"so
Don't touch and torture
Me with dancing lies"
Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing words and thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

5 Years Ago

Really though.
There's definitely a vivid conflict at play here.. not just between two who have loved and lost but another conflict that the speaker has within an inner monologue.. fighting to be strong enough to walk away from this toxic and disappointing end of a relationship. The lure of being still bound to them and to respond to them is still there, but it is clear that this person wreaked havoc on your heart, and trying to gain strength in the reality of their toxicity to you is the message I read.. being tempted by those "dancing lies" says it all.. they seduce you and make you think lovely things but you know what's behind them because you've been down this path before...

The content and conflict within are wonderful.. I would just like to feel perhaps a little more fluidity in the cadence and perhaps some even punchier action and descriptive words. The pain is felt, but word choice and rhythm could take this to an even higher level. Well done though!! Thanks so much for sharing!!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

5 Years Ago

Not disappointing, just... Nvm...
Alexa Apothic Red

5 Years Ago

Oh, I’m sorry. Bad interpretation on my part!! Still great writing!! So glad you spoke on this! :)
sinNsincerity

5 Years Ago

Don't be sorry, it can mean whatever you want
love has so many facets ,and we only find them as we cross over

Posted 6 Years Ago


Hello.

I enjoy your poem for it has an essence I like, a pure dark and dark pure essence, that paints a harmonious contrast between two (metaphorically) different persons that are, in reality, the same. Further, it typifies the darkened vision of someone's opinion on love, an inner voice. That inner voice is an echo of desperation and adust remains, blaming the one who stole the heart (center of love) getting cursed by it, falling in love too. As a spectral reflection, the one who stole reflected the bitter vices of the heart, trying to curse its owner, where we can see how the former owner was affected by this center of love. The inner voice tells that it has been through the new owner's thoughts, knowing the divine disaster, understanding. A glimpse. The inner voice keeps lying about the worthy elements the heart has, hypnotizing the new owner, letting him/her believe in the chalky power of love.

In short, the poesy summarizes the displeasures of love, its chains, its locks, desperation and a cosmic divinity that controls the edges of the mentioned sensations.

I urge you to invent your own words for when you want to describe something and don't know how (it is poetry, you can simply juggle with those figures of speech). For example, " dancing lies", "dancing" is a very used adjective in poetry. I'm not telling you that it isn't good or that you shouldn't use it, but I would love to see writers inventing their own language, their own way to express the soul.

About grammar mistakes:
"And that's devine."--->" And that's divine."

Concluding, the idea of the poem is well-expressed, the title is well-chosen and it is melodious. As one more advice, I propose you to use a more poetic language, poetic words, for it will soak the poesy in a perfect disaster of meaning and art.

I was really glad to read your poem and I hope you didn't take anything I said personal because my opinion is humble. Until next time...Farewell!

Posted 6 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Jes' Pi

6 Years Ago

I"ll Look for them.
Thank you.
sinNsincerity

6 Years Ago

I did very much enjoy your initial analysis though. I love the insight that you had brought forth.
Jes' Pi

6 Years Ago

thank you very much
Haunting and veiled with a warning.
Full of emotions pertaining to hurt, anger, and loss.
So filled with the exposure of raw nerve endings.


Posted 6 Years Ago


This is so beautiful...the review is so true.


Posted 6 Years Ago


Sometimes things, experiences , people affect and touch us in a way that we take ‘ownership’, of them without knowing them and are blinded by the emotions created within the connection that is formed, thus allowing it to destroy us- we must try love without conditions, some things cannot be - maybe just not right time and place, some things/people come into our lives as a blessing or a lesson.... beautiful🌹

Posted 6 Years Ago


beautiful and sad. loved it.

Posted 6 Years Ago


interesting conflicted voice ...not sure that one can achieve any kind of resolution in allowing someone to keep ones heart ... so your poem turns a little dark ... seeking revenge ... by the power of thought .. deepens your speakers pain and agony ..or so it seems to me ...in closing your protagonist does take some control back ...but the hint of the antagonist perhaps coming back to tell more lies is disturbing ... if this were my daughter or a friend...i would say ...clear the guy out ... make a clean break of it and make sure he hears you say GOODBYE! ;) your poem drew me in..held me...and inspired participation so well done says i!
E.
ps. sp? devine in fourth from last line ;)

Posted 6 Years Ago



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1184 Views
24 Reviews
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Added on February 22, 2018
Last Updated on February 23, 2018

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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