Torchbearer

I wish I was well, because this poem would be much better then. For a friend.

I look at you like I’m looking in a mirror

Like you were me in a different life, like I’ve been there

I see the timid happiness you sometimes exude

Like I used to before I grew out of smiles

 

Now when I smile it feels like a fresh wound on face

Exposing the bone underneath, numbed flesh painted in pain

You are as new as a flower heated by the morning sun, the dew on the ground

While the whole world shivers

 

I lost my vision somewhere along this blind crusade against humanity

But I’ve seen better days before the blizzard slithered into the vineyard of my hell

Evil and good are a coin flip, and I don’t have any change to spare

 

 

Maybe it’s not too late for you

Maybe you can push through this pain

Sour is that disorganized hope for something you can’t have is an obstacle course

But I’m going to beat my next challenge, climb the last mountain, my body’s hollow alcove

 

Messy expeditions trying to climb this cliffside, the riptide

I lost my footing and fell from the bird's nest

I have no wings, just feet to hold up my pride,

But your light as a feather

 

You don’t have to be a cog in the machine, a war engine of hate, or anger

To flutter on the wind like a sail lent ripped from the sky, I plummeted

It’s so much easier for a crow to stick by the battlefield picking at scabs that are never going to heal

 

You could change things that are too late for me to say

To do, to live, you can be the best you can be still

You don’t have to feel forgotten, you’re not yet haunted

Fight, fight like every sword is paper, like every bullet is lead on the page

 

Let your being fly in the summer sky, the summit’s isle, violet survivalist

Let the sun warm your heart, let the beat circulate like every poem is blood in your new veins

Restrain yourself, give your all, but never give it all away

The trees that deem symmetry with their fallen leaves weaving the ceiling into stars

 

The soul glints like iron hammered into cold hearts of steel

A fire is every life, burning to a crisp, turning to ash, just hot air

Let the kindling of flames be warm, rather than scalding in their indulgence

 

 

Let them light your way past the moon

Like the art flows universal maelstroms of meteoric euphoria from the endorphins Chlorophyll

The photosynthesis of ricocheting indifference to all the hate these people have

Because that is all we have sometimes

 

And when we take our first step, someone walked their last mile

The eclipse of life means we overshadow the last living soul with our own sparks

So stay wild child, compile the silos of violins of dynamic insanity, craft your Cleopatra

We only truly know a firework’s beauty when it disappears in the rear-view mirror

 

Realize that the dead are torchbearers

That they cinder to shed light on our husk of a world

That that beautiful spirit evaporating on the condensation of aether matriarchs

 

I’m going to be the one to light up the stage like a spotlight’s sun flaring arrogantly

Because we only have so much time to enjoy the show before it’s over, before an encore

I plan to spend it blending nebula’s bending pendulums clementine’s of disassembled velvet

I think you can only paint the world in colour of Fall by running through these walls

 

When you stumble but continue, ever crack in the brick is just another window

Taller than symbols riddled in the equilibrium of imbalanced Valkyries

The alchemic assembly of choices are yours to make

The torchbearers carry the weight of the world, and set a fire in your soul, incorporeal

 

So when you feel pain, wear it like a sky blanketed in torchbearers gleaming like the moon

Enlightening the dark truths of this world, reflecting dyslexic

You have the right to bear your burden, you’ve earned your own eternity

Your heated soul purging metallurgy, melt their steel hearts

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A stated piece, guiding and true. The imagery here lacks the impact that your wording presents however delivers in force, well done, good read.

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I’ll be trying my best to work on the imagery front. I’m glad I was able to do well with the power in the words themselves. There will definitely be more to come.

[barleygirl]

WOW! WOW! And WOW! Thanks to MC for read-requesting me. This is the best thing of yours that I've read, so I'm glad I didn't miss it (since I've been sketchy at the cafe). I totally relate to this lifelong battle to emerge in our own glorious truth. All those years stuffing our true essence & taking on the tarnish of what couldn't be helped. Then emerging . . . that slow glorious emergence, no matter how late it seems to dawn, it's like the first day all over again. Your imagery is superb. Your word selections to maximize the fun of how words flow & sound together is unparalleled. This is a great piece! It rumbles to a crescendo that can be felt thru all one's tissues (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I'm so happy to hear your love for this poem. That feeling of needing to push on, no matter what, for the ones you love is what this poem is all about. And passing that torch so it continues to light up the sky. People like you, who enjoy my poetry and give me inspiration through their own works are dear to me. I really appreciate you sharing how the poem effected you. Thank you so much!

[unsavable_soul]

Hello R.J.
I was read requested your piece by a friend so here it goes. I like this piece for starters, you have a way with utilizing imagery through your words and being very unique in doing so. This seems a double edged sword to me as I felt there were a few lines that lack some coherence. While the usage and structure are amazing to me there were points that the idea or sentiment was lost on me or that the choice in words didn't make sense or build a digestible thought or image for me.
For instance - "Like the art flows universal maelstroms of meteoric euphoria from the endorphins Chlorophyll
The photosynthesis of ricocheting indifference to all the hate these people have"
These lines for example didn't build coherent imagery or emotion. To my knowledge photosynthesis is the process of absorption or consuming as opposed to deflecting or "ricocheting"
There are other areas similar in this fashion to me. This may be just a personal view and I may be a bit slow lol. To me these are small fries compared to your ability I see. Please be clear I enjoyed this piece. Quite possibly my favorite line which was both descriptive and powerful is the following -
"You don’t have to feel forgotten, you’re not yet haunted
Fight, fight like every sword is paper, like every bullet is lead on the page"
Reverse to my former assessment these lines painted a powerful and clear image I found uniquely yours and yet completely relate-able. There are a few grammar issues here and there which often come from strong writing that comes out quicker than we can adjust for every correctness. All in all a beautiful piece that provokes thoughts and was enjoyable. If you have any questions please let me know. I'm honest and cut to the quick but it's not to hurt and I know I'm no great example of writing. Thanks for the enjoyment of this.
US
90/100

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Thank you very much for this detailed review. I quite enjoy abstract poetry, so a lot of what I write is a little weird, and doesn't always make the most sense. There is meaning behind those lines, but it's definitely a little odd to read I'm sure. I think you pointed out some lines that might be overdone though, and that's a big help to know when I've gone to far. I'm happy you enjoyed the poem, feel free to stop by any time. Friendly criticism is always welcome. I appreciate your honesty, thanks for taking the time to share how you feel about this poem!

[unsavable_soul]

Between writing and RL I find it hard to keep up with the other writers I enjoy. If you friend me and read request me stuff I'd be happy to get to them. If you like abstract pieces I have some that may spark some creative juices if you're interested. I used to play with formats visuals and wordplay a lot. Let me know if you're interested and I'll shoot you a couple.

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

For sure man, I'll send you a friend request, and feel free to send any poems my way that you feel need reviewing, or just want to share. Always happy to learn something from my fellow writers!

[.]

Such a heart-touching poem! It feels like a Lotus blooming in swamp. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud — the obstacles of life and its suffering. I wish it was wrote to me but whoever the friend is really lucky having you represent the bright side. "You are as new as a flower heated by the morning sun, the dew on the ground - While the whole world shivers" this was my favorite line in the whole poem.
-Perfect flow of words
-Paragraph breaks and link between all the lines
-Easy words, though I like the complex ones too
-Excellent imagery.
-And a lot sensible.
Why do you always keep doubting on your poems? I don't think anyone else could have written this better than you've done. And you can always keep editing it till you are satisfied. :)
Good Luck!

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Actually, I did write it for you.

[.]

https://inkgirl.webnode.com/l/torchbearer/

[.]

Just once more, I'm obsessed with this one of yours. Yes it has a reason but otherwise too I love this one more.