Lost Soul-Ace

Lost Soul-Ace

Who will pray at God’s funeral?

When we outgrow our decay,

Will the shattered who’ve been put back together still be whole?

When the scars we’ve left on the earth’s face are wiped clean from existence,

Will anything know we were here, scratches on vinyl?

Turning tables top our swansongs,

Playing the game stuck in a full house of cards dealt the losing hand of God

Bleeding, the new-blood of Christ an unripe wine

Watered down with the clouds of Valhalla

Sipping oblivion’s ventriloquism

Whether you trust pastor, the future of a damned church looms over heaven

We hang from trees while crows have perched in the desert

God is watching as we dance forever

Into exhaustion, into elder-hood, into decay, into death

We claim there is a Salem

Aegis of salvation

I hope that you are there

Only so much burden left to bare

I’ve taken far more than my share

But when I gave away the world

My heavyhearted core outweighed my sulking soul

The maleficent requiem spectral sepulchre of husks

Lost in the phosphorescent dust

Ashes of wrathful cataclysms’ schism of religious oblivion

Malachite choirs of climbing kaleidoscope

Silenced by the unsired uprising

Of an ascension of descendants of Armageddon

Stirring up a storm to split the Olympian heavens

Symphony’s of every crevice

Every moonlit devil once fallen angel now spring-heeled jack

Crescent black of porcelain moon bioluminescent effigies

Of celestial pestilence doom

Extraterrestrial revenants of the man I was

The one who burned to touch the sun

The ghostly metamorphosis of the open wounds shadow

Like an outcast moon crowning shallow the battlefield of Albion

With the grim reaper Prometheus seething in Elysium

Mesopotamian demon slayer deities soothsayers of depravity

Swaying like nightshade in daybreak

From the ethereal gates of a stalker of the planes of sables

The fables of strays in a hurricanes gale

Feel your way through the braille Gilgamesh, sailing arcanum

The rails of rhinestone veils maelstroms Transylvanian

The palest sails of bare bones compose pandemonium

Through the orchestras of dethroned metamorphosis

Author's Note

I promise I read every single review, and I generally will reply to them. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be happy to hear anything you feel needs sharing. Whenever you write on my shortcomings or breakthroughs, or the themes of my poems, or share ideas and friendly criticism, it decides my next poem to an extent. I will listen, learn and be thankful. And 99% of the time, you'll get a reply unless you're trolling me.

Reviews

[.]

This was really a beautiful poem... There was awesome imagery. But as for the theme I think the word-choice was to be from medieval times, it'd look more elegant and bold. Since you write most poems for yourself it'd be an offense if I comment on the structure. But I'd do if you allow me to.
Its a catching poem, I couldn't stop reading till the end and each line got me more curious about the rest part. And I tell you if this wasn't a short one I'd be suffocating with curiosity... Haha. Really nice one.
Keep writing
I'd like to suffocate myself this way... XD

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Feel free to comment on the structure, if there's a way to improve hearing it would be a big help. I'm glad you liked the poem regardless though. :)

[.]

Hmm... Read the last 3 lines and then 1st 3 lines. Which one flows better? I think the last 3 lines being more uniform flows better. In your poem some lines are way too long in comparison to others, arranging them in patterns or keeping shorter ones with short or longer ones with longs would make it an easy flow.
This is not a rhyme, but maybe some do accidentally so no comments on that. But I think rhymes will work well with this kind of poems. Stanzas are important to separate ideas or introduce new ideas in the poem. You miss line-break in most poems but you can study on that I guess, I don't know much about that but you can explore that.
Next language- Don't you think it's an elegant medieval type of poem but you've used a lot of modern scientific words. I think themes have a lot to do with word-choice.
The best thing is that the poem doesn't creates confusions, however it reflects your mindset, frustration and a bit of impatience as well. Well this is an exceptional as most of your poems show modern word choice and also new ideas. I'd encourage you for this new mode, you can do really good with this... But languages. You're a native English speaker so you generally go with the flow of time. But I've gone through all times because I don't use the language in daily life so my preference is mostly elegance and also bit reflection of British royalty. As we learn this mostly.
Anyways these are only suggestions, I'd like to see you improving more, even if it takes more suggestions like that. And secondly I learn from you so when I point out things it makes me think broader. I could be wrong somewhere but there's no compulsion, you definitely know more than I do, and you'll always do.

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I appreciate your input on how to improve. I'll keep this review in mind for my next poems.