Farewell

Life isn't worth it....

Curse these emotions of mine

They don't deserve to exist

Not inside me atleast

Letting me down again and again

Making me feel miserable

Making me care about those careless beings

Without whom, my life would've been so good

Or rather

Without me, their lives would be better

Life has lost all it's charm and improtance

Is it really worth it all?

Trying out my deep sorrow

Every morning when I wake up to my mom's screams

Every night when I sleep with dad shouting at me

 

Every step I take

Someone from the back shouts

Curses my existence

And I fall down

Without wanting to

Being termed so bad

'An animal' by my mother

'A loser' by my father

'Irrresponsible' by my grandpa

'A B***h' by my own self

I can't take it anymore

Just can't take the mental torture

It's too much

Deafening...my own voice

Destroying...my own thoughts

Everything

Breaking me down

Crushing my soul to pieces

WHY?

WHY? What did I do??

What is my fault??

What have I done that everyone around me takes me

As an outlet for all the anger and frustration

AM I NOT HUMAN!!??

 

Every decision of mine is pushed down the drain

Every idea is regarded as 'dumb'

"No!" I haven't got used to that word

Though it occupies the most of my life

NO to happiness

NO to joy

NO to everything that makes life beautiful

What is going on??

 

Of all that remains

I have to gather it up

And focus on taking that ONE decision

That would set me free

But I doubt

That by the time I'd be near to my freedom

I'd have lost everything that remains

Not a bit of strength to take that one final step

No! That won't happen

That will NOT HAPPEN!!

 

I have to get the control back

My mind has started controling me

My emotions have started leading me into the dark cave

Where only sorrow and pain resides

No! I don't want any more pain in my life

 

So back off!

Coz' you don't understand

Nobody does

Except me

And 'me' knows what I should do

It's pretty encouraging

So farewell world

Though you made me smile at times

But you made me cry a lot

You gave me a family that doesn't care enough

You gave me a pair of mortal enemies

And told me they were my parents

 

But you also gave me some angels

And called them 'friends'

So I thank you for that one good thing which I'll remember

To tell God when I meet him up there

As for now...

My body is failing me

With head spinning

And blood dripping down from my wrist

I guess the time has come

Farewell...

Author's Note

I'll keep it simple...
I don't want to live anymore...

Reviews

[Dani California]

Siya....

listen to me very carefully my friend...
you are beautiful, and you are wonderful.
So many times you have put a smile on my face
when there wasn't one. Please, understand that.
You are basing your value on the negative thoughts
of others, yet negative thoughts derive from unhappy
ppl. You are who you are -- not what other ppl
tell you you are. Do you understand that? You
are a wonderful friend to so many of us, please
I want you to know your value. If you need to
talk .. let me know and I'll pm you my cell no!

You're a beautiful person.
Please, believe that, my friend.

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

Sweetie, I know this feeling all too well. It's one of the hardest emotions you will ever get but life is worth living and you will understand that. For two years of my life I felt like i was a Fat Worthless Cow. I wanted to die, I escaped through writing and I still do. I cut myself once and it was the last time I did it... Now I escape through pain from piercings. thats why i ultimately have 10 piercings and wanting/needing more.

Your life is worth living, if you ever need to talk I'm here... Sweetie, you are a great writer, you are a great person, let the angels (friends) of your life lift you away and escape with them. You are amazing don't let anyone tell you differently.

This poem alone shows that you are a tremendous writer. So many people can relate to this piece. This was a wonderful emotional piece. Please sweetie don't do anything that will hurt you. You are amazing please don't let anyone tell you differently. Amazing poem written by an amazing person...

If you ever need to talk, I'm here

[He@ther!]

Aw, Siya:( I'm so sorry thats how you feel!! I think you're a sweetheart and you don't deserve to feel that way! And I also think that if you were to die alot of people would miss your beautiful writing, because you definately have something to offer to everyone. You are not alone in how you feel, so maybe talking to someone you trust can really help you. And also prayer helps me get through ALOT of things, so maybe that would help you 2:) I'll be praying that you feel better!!!:)

Sincerely,
Heather:)

[Amanda]

for all that it's worth, Siya, suicide isn't the answer and it is a coward's way out. to live, my dear, is the hard part...also you will not get to see what the futue holds for you.

what others think of you isn't as important as how you think of yourself. to be positive, to achieve what you want to achieve, to do what you see as right, is all that is important. and i won't say that all the ones around are right, they most probably are wrong and are not right in telling you that you are either.

life is what you make of it, so you need to believe in yourself and get on with this journey. forget what others say and do what you think is right for you. please let me know how this all turns out for you....you are a special person and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

Always,

Amanda

[DeAn]

just think. you give up. they win. it's that simple.

all the rest is just bullshit and details siya.

do what your heart tells you too.

it's what gets me thru it all.

I AM and because of that I live on.

get the point.

hope so.


keep shining.

l8r g8r
-DeAn

[.::Cup^E^Cake*RaWr!*::.]

OMG I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS PIECE!!!
YOU DID SUCH A GOOD JOB!!!
Ur one of the most talented writers I've read from!!
You have to live because I love you!! =]
Great Write!!

[*Kantola*]

Oh dear...
this isn't something a human being should feel. We all have outlets, right? We shoudl all have someone that we want to talk to, and someone that can cheer us up in the darkest of times. You always manage to make me smile with your wonderful reviews! Please, i'm sure alot of people would notice if you were whiped off of the face of this earth.
I get that feeling all the time ... that the world is out to get me, and i'd rather be dead than have to deal with some of the issues im dealing with. I've had many people tell me to get that idea WAY out of my mind, and to just keep going. I"m one of a million girls that have the same problem...
Please don't do away with yourself. You're too precious to be thinking about those kinds of things. I'm sorry that someone as nice as you has to live at home in a situation like that...
Hope you feel better, and please remember that you're beautiful in everyone's eyes, and not just one person's.
NOW TO THE POINT >.>;
this poem was filled with... ALOT of emotion. You made me understand completely how you feel...
gj >.

[brita]

Oh my goodness.
My jaw just dropped as I began to read this. I so closely related to this with my own life and dysfunctional family...It was almost scary, as if someone had just narrated my life as I finished. My parents, at this very moment, are exactly like the ones you describe in this...and in the midst of their 'divorce' they have taken their emotions out on me...It just feels like everything's my fault most of the time, and although "it's never the child's fault" people don't understand that's really hard to believe while people get beat down.
I feel like people are just there to stomp on me every day.
I'm sorry to talk so much about my own life in this review, but I honestly felt like you were inside my own brain and recording my thoughts. No matter how much friends are there to comfort me I feel these exact same things every day...it's hard to even want to live. Friends are all i have, and i don't have many.
Once again, I'm sorry for speaking so much of myself.
But this poem really touched a nerve I have deep down inside. You are narrating yours, mine, and so many other peoples' stories just by this one poem...I wasn't expecting to relate to it so much, but I did. And many others will, those who don't feel the need to live anymore either.
I am so grateful you sent me a read request...otherwise i would have never saw this beautifully written peice that is so true to me.
I have no idea who you are but I feel like I've known you for a long time.
Thank you. I cannot tell you how much this poem speaks to me.
Your purpose is writing peices like this. Take your writing as a reason to live. You are helping others, I swear to you. There is no better feeling then to have your story told. Thank you for this.

[Kitty]

I know it's hard to face each day as it comes. Especially with parents who cannot (will not) understand how you feel. I have gone through what you speak of. Quite a few of us have. Life DOES suck, that I will not deny. But there are things to stay alive for. Your awesome poetry and amazing way of expression is one brilliant reason! Find things that make you happy (even though they may be few and far between). I'm not really one to speak, but I'm sure that you find a reason to want to carry on. There are a lot of us around (on here and other places) that are more than willing to listen when you need an ear or even just a shoulder to cry on.

Keep your chin up, girl! You're awesome!

Josie

[bluessadmood]

oh Siya dear ,no one on earth that is of no value,if you do not know it now ,it will come ,the day will come and you will see that nothing can go right without you,you may laugh and not understand my dear,anything of what i say ,we are like building blocks,each has a role in this huge building if its shaken off ,the whole damn thing will go down ,each is so important in his own way, only he and others do not see until late,but you will see,i give you words of ancient wisdom ,you are much worth than you think ,dismiss any other words that you are nil,its never right i can assure you that,there was once i felt the same ,a someone no more no less and in a few years i knew if i am not here,lots will crumble down not because i am THE GREAT,no its becuase i got a role in lots of things that will not work without me ,soon you will know how important that you are ,be sure of my words i know ,i know,just keep that in mind and you will see...

[alternative_be]

Siya,
Those 'people', who are calling you this atrocious names, they do not deserve to be called 'humans'
They do not deserve to have you as a daughter or a grandchild!
They should take a good look in the mirror before they have a go at you the next time, because we have a saying here: ''All names that you are calling me, apply to yourself"
You are a wonderful, sensitive, intelligent young woman.
Otherwise I would not be showering you with my read requests!
I for one value your opinion. So should your relatives, for you no longer are a little kid they can mess with. Having said that, no human being, however small, should be messed with.
Do not let them mess you around.
Concentrate on the positive influences in your life, like the angels called friends.
I will conclude here with a saying from my old dad: "Some familymembers are friends that we have been forced to accept as friends, go out in the world and choose friends that are more suitable for you''. (This was being said after a serious falling out he had with one of my aunts, who was behaving like a **** towards him!)