Broken Home

Don't think I like this one too much...needs great editing...

This house in which I reside
  Is haunted by a thousand ghosts
Ghosts of past residents
  And passersby alike
Those that left it hollow
  Alone and cold
I can still feel the shakes
  The internal groaning
Whenever one of the previous tenants
  (Or “old friends”)
Pass down the street
  (Or even a block away for that matter)
I can still see how everything shuts down
  Foundation swaying
    Pipes bursting
      Roof crumbling
It makes me furious
To know that those
Who were once so close
Just packed and left
All those friends that stopped by
  For a "hello"
    A "hi"
      Or even a visit
Have all turned tail and run

 

Though they don’t mind
  Returning and passing by
To throw eggs at a window
  In jest
Sometimes bricks
  In hopes of shattering a glass pane
  They set the mailbox ablaze
    (And on the boldest of days)
  Paint nasty things on the siding

 

They had a great chance
  And they walked out
Now I’m here
  I’m here with little furniture
  I survive winter without the heat
  I sleep on the floor

 

Listen as my footsteps
  Create haunting echoes
  Of those before me
I sit here and know
  Every time it shifts
  Every time a pipe breaks
  Every time it feels the walls may come down
That it still holds on to those
  Who hurt it the most
And I know
That I’ll never be enough
To fix all the damages done before me

 

But no matter what
It’s my home
I love it and will protect it
With all that I am
And all that I cannot be

Reviews

[Kimberly Smith]

very interesting man very interesting i like the mood , mmm dang got me to thing i like

[Rachel DeHart]

wow... this is amazing.. and makes me think of what dreams may come and like... *sighs*

You're fixing a lot you know.
"But no matter what
It's my home
I love it and will protect it
With all that I am
And all that I cannot be"

Beautiful. And ignore what everyone else says. Free form is always better. :p

[Poeticpiers]

I liked the originality of your theme but I agree it needs editing. Free form is not my favourite kind of writing
I think you could rewrite this in metered form and greatly improve the delivery