Bang!

Bang!

A Story by Sharon Kim
"

A little girl finds her father's gun.

"

I walked from the bathroom into the bedroom door, tightening the towel around my waist.  I saw her standing at my night stand.  Her back to me, she was chattering on the phone, her blond curls bouncing.  I caught myself smiling as she placed the phone back on the receiver.   “Hey punkin!” 

“Hi Daddy!” She said, picking up something from the nightstand as she turned around. I froze when she faced me.

“Hee hee.  Daddy, you’re naked!”  my daughter giggled.

“Hannah, please put that down.”  I said, enunciating each word, trying to sound calm.

Hannah looked down at her hands.  The cold metal piece was cradled in her hands.  “Daddy, this is just like Joey’s gun.”  She turned the gun in her hand and her finger slid inside the trigger guard. 

“We play cops and robbers sometimes.”  My sweet, little girl, was pointing a gun at me.  “Daddy, I’m a policeman, like you!”

I inched closer to her, like a trainer trying not to spook a horse.  My arm stretched out towards her.  “Hannah, put that down.”

“Daddy, you’re the robber.  Bang! Bang!”  She pulled the trigger.

My ears rang with the explosion and I put my arms in front of my face as I flung myself out of the way.  Searing pain blossomed below my ribs.  By the time I hit the rug at the foot of the bed, blood was starting to seep out of the hole in my side.

“Daddy?” I heard her whisper. 

Through squeezed eyelids I saw her face peek around the corner of the bed.  A fearful look crossed her face.  I reached out towards her, “Hannah, it’s okay.  It’s okay.  Hannah, go get the phone for Daddy.” 

Hannah took a step backward, shaking her head.  She still held the gun and she turned it in her hands, looking at the barrel in disbelief.  A look of confusion crossed her face.

“Han…”  I couldn’t stop her.  She pulled the trigger.

BANG!

“No!” I screamed. 

 

[Alternate, extended ending]

BANG! She dropped out of my view.

“No!” I screamed. 

I don’t know how I got to her side so quickly.  One second I was on the floor with my hand pressed to my side and the next I was by Hannah, cradling her body to mine.  My tears rained down on her face.  Her eyes fluttered open.  Teardrops were replaced with kisses.  Miraculously, the bullet had only grazed the side of her head above her left ear.  I reached for the phone and dialed 911.

© 2014 Sharon Kim


Author's Note

Sharon Kim
This idea came from a prompt. All comments/suggestions welcome. Which ending do you like better?

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Featured Review

I walked from the bathroom into the bedroom door, this implies you walked into the bedroom door, smack. A little rewording.

My arm stretched out towards her. (toward her not needed)

I think the original has more punch.

Is the prompt 'I couldn't stop her. She pulled the trigger.' the prompt from the den? If so, sorry you missed the dead line. I have no control over it. I'm reading the submissions tonight or tomorrow morning. This would have been a good submission.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sharon Kim

6 Years Ago

Jack, thanks for reading and for the suggestions. I agree with you, the original ending has more pu.. read more



Reviews

The second ending is the best outcome, I suppose, but both are tragic and the kind of thing we should try our utmost to prevent. A cop should certainly know better. Unfortunately, cops are people, and like all of us--imperfect.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sharon Kim

6 Years Ago

Thanks for reading Samuel! I agree with what you said. It is pretty overwhelming to think that ev.. read more
I think no matter which ending, the moral of the story is glaringly clear....Guns must be kept in a safe & secure place, well out of reach from those in no position to understand their lethal capabilities !

A hard hitting, tragic short story and the message is all too clear, Guns are extremely dangerous!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Good write Sharon! I liked the original ending the best. I would like to see this expanded a little bit. I feel that it could be a really killer short story. Thanks for sharing Sharon!

-CW

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sharon Kim

6 Years Ago

Thanks for reading and your feedback, Cody! I'll try to come back to it and expand it.
I walked from the bathroom into the bedroom door, this implies you walked into the bedroom door, smack. A little rewording.

My arm stretched out towards her. (toward her not needed)

I think the original has more punch.

Is the prompt 'I couldn't stop her. She pulled the trigger.' the prompt from the den? If so, sorry you missed the dead line. I have no control over it. I'm reading the submissions tonight or tomorrow morning. This would have been a good submission.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sharon Kim

6 Years Ago

Jack, thanks for reading and for the suggestions. I agree with you, the original ending has more pu.. read more
I don't like your first ending, but it is the better ending.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sharon Kim

6 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and commenting, Marie. I agree with you on both counts.

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Added on August 23, 2014
Last Updated on August 23, 2014
Tags: gun safety, policeman, accident

Author

Sharon Kim
Sharon Kim

Texas, GA



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