Nothing.

Nothing.

A Story by RoriS
"

Something short and creepy with a twist I felt like writing. I don't wanna give too much away- Read for yourself.

"
She looked around as she slowly sat up, rubbing her head. Everything looked the same-mostly. Same charred grass, same crumbling buildings, same charred field, same thick,horrible, air. And yet...something was different. She looked up at the dark sky- yes, the moon was still close. Too close. 
Where was the sense of presence? Where was the sense of being watched? Where was the sense of life? Horrible life, yes, but still life nonetheless. She slowly stood and walked over to a crumbling building, her bare feet not making a single sound. Not an echo, not a crunch, not even a whisper. She slowly reached out an arm- an arm that looked too white, far too white. The hand in question promptly went through the rusted metal door. The white hand shot back to it's place at its owners side. This was the difference. The owner of the hand was a ghost. A former being. A former being all alone in what used to be life. She walked away from the building. She walked away from everything she thought she knew. 

© 2012 RoriS


Author's Note

RoriS
just something i felt like writing- sorry if it's not great.

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Featured Review

the last twist was really good and the way you described the surroundings was so sad and had that feeling that gives one chills and kinda makes the pupils dilated with fear of what is to come..maybe you could turn this to a story but that depends on you....you have no reason to be sorry cuz this was great:-).

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

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ATG
Very intersting. Seems like a good start to a longer story. I like it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Hm... this is good. I like the way you describe the presence of the ghost!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

First of all, welcome to Writer's Cafe! :)

This is a really intriguing piece, and you set up the beginning really well with great imagery and a lot of tension for the reader. I love how you throw in little details like "Not an echo, not a crunch, not even a whisper." that seem insignificant at first, but when the reader looks back, they realize that those lines hinted at the true nature of the character. Very clever. :) Nice twist at the end. I could even imagine this as not just a stand-alone piece, but as the beginning for a story on a larger scale.

Nice write, keep it up! :)

~Miguel

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

the last twist was really good and the way you described the surroundings was so sad and had that feeling that gives one chills and kinda makes the pupils dilated with fear of what is to come..maybe you could turn this to a story but that depends on you....you have no reason to be sorry cuz this was great:-).

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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277 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on August 19, 2012
Last Updated on August 20, 2012
Tags: mystery, empty, eerie

Author

RoriS
RoriS

Milwaukee, WI



Writing
Tea time. Tea time.

A Story by RoriS