Sad white room

This is a short story about a choice of life and death and existence inside of your mind.

Imagine a room with no doors, no windows, no decorations, nothing to satisfy the mind. Nothing to pass the time accept a small sharp knife. This room has all white walls, floor and ceiling. The room is soundproof and no one can hear you scream and you’re locked in here for the rest of your life, you have no need for sleep or to eat. This one little knife is your salvation. But how you ask? Well it’s quite simple really ,all you have to do to exit the room is kill yourself with this small sharp knife. Or you can simply harm yourself which will make things appear in the room such as a window that you cannot open or escape from, a bed to rest upon instead of the hard ground, music of your liking, or anything else that will make your existence in the small room more bearable. Which would you choose? Would you kill yourself and end it all; end the small room and put an end to your captivity? Or will you mutilate your body with cuts and lashes to make your existence in the room feel less miserable?

This room is my mind. Made by my mind and the rules are not created by me but by the demons that stalk my subconscious. My depression is the emptiness. My anxiety is the white walls. My anger is the knife and my body in the room is my life.

Author's Note

This is a hypothetical situation and my interpretation of how I’m trapped inside my mind.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

I can't begin to understand, but I sincerely hope that those demons give you a break. I find it really upsetting that you have to deal with stuff like this on a daily basis.

Chris

[Jas]

Thanks man, much appreciated

[barleygirl]

I’ve read a number of pieces on this website written by younger people feeling despair & anxiety, writing about “cutting” as if it’s a friend and at the same time, most describe details as if they’re pushing away feelings, not to be too vivid or close or palpable. Your explanation is the first time that I’ve read a satisfying explanation for “cutting”, presenting choices in a logical way, showing the intensity but not doing it with drama, to explain how it can feel to be trapped in any kind of mental/emotional struggle. In other words, this is the most I’ve ever been put into these shoes in a realistic way. We all have our prisons thru-out life. They come in all shapes & sizes, to torment & isolate us mentally, physically, and/or emotionally. It doesn’t sound like you are wallowing in this place feeling hopeless. The first step in conquering is to know thine enemy. Your little vignette is a good way to show how this can be done, taking a hard honest look at the feelings & sensations & results. Such prisons can be managed in ways that go far beyond the choices you present here. But I do understand you put it into a sum-total choice in order to convey the intensity of the stranglehold it can have over a person. Good job explaining & digging down a few more layers to the deeper honesty (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

[Jas]

Thank you for understanding. Trying to convey my feelings in words is so difficult. But I struggle with what I wrote about every day and I was a cutter and sometimes the choices presented in my short story really feel like the only choices available. Rest assured that I’ve found better outlets and I’ve learned how to open that window and escape my mental prison, if only for a short while. I’m so glad you got what I was trying to convey :)