Lost Girl

Lost Girl

A Poem by Sneh
"

"just thoughts into words"

"
They said,
Moon , the ultimate beauty on planet,
She waited, many sleepless nights,
To drink up the whole vibe.
Her innocense levelled high,
She quit the fight!

They said,
Sun , the supreme and powerful .
She waited to attend all lights,
Baring those ugly skins, as coal mines!
Her power got soaked,
She did not reply!

They said,
He loves her, like no one,
Like god, like never fraud .
She waited, every mini second,
When he was abroad, creating workside,
Her charm failed, her glow faced hailstorm,
Who knew, her hands are replaced!

They said,
Heavenly breath is unconscious,
Insane in ways like none.
She waited, counting every stroke
Even heaven denied the calculation,
As she could not add the last one!

They said ,
Corpses are meant to be burnt,
She waited to reach final destination,
The ashes, not moved yet,
Since the time of her cremation!

© 2019 Sneh


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Featured Review

Pretty good, Sneh. A bit otherworldly which I like. L5 V1 - innocence
L4 v2 - those ugly skin suggests a plurality, so either that ugly skin or those ugly skins.
L2 V5 same issue with plurality.
All in all a very good piece.
Keep writing, there is talent here.

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.



Reviews

your poetry is on a different level sneh

five stars for this one

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

8 Months Ago

Thanks much dear :)
Amazing, this is alive and with a bitter cold movement exposes death for the reader. Amazing Poetry!

Sheer Terror

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

10 Months Ago

Means a lot.. Thank you! :)
TerryDarcy-Ryan   akaSheerTerror

10 Months Ago

You are welcome
I like the imagination you brought along with this write. Loved the piece and how you wrapped a complexity into this one

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Thank you :D
Lost. A word I can definitely relate to. This book I am writing is actually called Ramblings and Musings of a Lost Girl. It deals with the very struggle that makes up this poem. Very moving.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Thanks a lot Tura....would love to go through your work :)
what an interesting voice in here very contemplative tone... Ted covered the tenses issue your voice is evolving Sneh:) I would also suggest in first verse to say to drink up the whole vibe and not vibes it would flow better. But I have to say that the ideas that you put in motion are very lovely :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Hey bunny, thanks for the review, i have rectified the errors .
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CBH
"Like god, like never fraud", not sure why I love that line so much, but it just keeps repeating in my head! Only thing that would have been cool in that stanza would be some sort of noun in the second line. Your other stanzas have Moon, Sun, Heaven(ly), and Corpse (to which I find the comparison unique). Some sort of similar transition would have been neat to add!
Much love, Cassidy

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

My heartiest thanks to you, miss cassidy.....glad you liked my words...keep smiling always :)
.. read more
Since I've been focusing on "letting go" and releasing my expectations about life, your poem really resonates. Great examples of various things we get in our heads, with expectations, & then we think things have gone awry when those expectations are not realized. Instead of seeing the beautiful new situation that could be emerging, we get stuck on the part where life didn't turn out like we thought. This is a very sophisticated way to SHOW instead of telling. Your English has a few bumps, I hope you won't feel offended if I offer a few possibilities below (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

V1: "drink up the whole vibes" . . . could be "drink up all the vibes" or "abundant vibes"
V2: "those ugly skin" (awkward) . . . could be "that ugly skin" or "much ugly skin"
V3: "like never fraud" (same) . . . could be "never a fraud"

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Thanks dear !
Keep supporting always and yea i will look over and handle the errors.... :)
I like this.. I like it a lot... maybe a little tweak here and there if you really feel it necessary, but I think it is quite charming the way it presently reads..... N :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

How energetic i feel right now.....heartfelt gratitude !! :)
Neville

11 Months Ago

you are most deserved and welcome...
Seems time and hope sometimes defeats yearning for a gentle perfection. Life is there, wearing its different faces, light, dark and all. Your character, the one you use here, seems to need so strongly.. so emotionally, the need is near suffocated, drowned, negated. What remains is - just maybe, her own footsteps. This is a dramatic and powerful write.. your writing grows each time i read it.. and sincerely apologise for not visiting for quite a while, Sneh

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Emmajoy, there is warmth in your words....Thanks for being kind .... Your effort really means a lot!.. read more
i think for some of us, even death is not the end...and for those who live to write...we hope that after we are just ashes...our lives will still mean something...our poetry will still be read...
we can't quite calculate life...but writing about it...helps us reflect and maybe find some understanding of it.
j.

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

12 Months Ago

Right Mr. Jacob! .....Thanks for such insightful review :)

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Added on April 5, 2019
Last Updated on April 17, 2019

Author

Sneh
Sneh

India



About
Hey, I am Sneha. Fonder of imaginations and poetries. Often times I fail to convey my actual feelings ,so I preferred this. Thanks for the visit!! 🌹 more..

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