Like a Marble

Like a Marble

A Poem by Sneh



Yes, hard , very hard
The way you depart,
Took me already apart.
The signs left with,
Imperfect perfection,
Would never force to seek ,
Mine jurisdiction.

As i tell you boy ,
I am hard, not a nut
But rather a painful soft
Blood cut .

I won everytime,
Coming to spreading joyness,
To slashing unrequired contacts.
Ignorance is perfect revenge,
To kill a person's person,
And not the physical obsession.

You happy, me happy,
Lets stay like a non adjusted floppies.
Embrace and let us,
Else of you is hope so,
Not fucked up!!

© 2019 Sneh


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Featured Review

Dear Sneha, as I have said before, I aint no critique and I normally understand people by the magnitude of their thoughts rather than their words. Words can be acquired. I love the seeping pain behind this write and the latent rush of anger.

I would like you to keep writing more and more, much more than maybe you would want to publish here. Write across the genre, touch emotions which is out of your comfort. Because you're rich in imagination and your words will fall into perfect symmetry when you write more and more. You have a potential and let no one say you are any less of an artist. But yes, again I urge write and keep writing and span your writing pieces across different genres. Know how it feel to be a ghost of medivials, a child up in the hills, a mother who lost her son, a bird in the meadows, a girl who wants to be touched, a man who tries to un-exist etc etc...... Write about everything and the wors will follow

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Loved your review man, an inducing one. Thanks much for sharing your valuable thoughts...! Good day .. read more
Abhishek Izy

9 Months Ago

You're welcome buddy



Reviews

English may not be your first language, but those last two lines sure communicated well.

Posted 7 Months Ago


Overall, you have a unique way of expressing yourself that makes the reader stop & think about things differently. Example is V2 -- I expected a marble metaphor to be about hardness throughout, but then you throw in a twist like "painful soft blood cut" which seems nothing like a marble to me. I'm not criticizing, I'm just saying every reader comes with expectations, then we think it over & adjust our expectations as we read along. Your way of expressing yourself is fresh & different -- a good thing. Sometimes your syntax feels awkward (agree w/Jacob about "my" instead of "mine", last line of V1). I'm not here to correct people this way, so I'll just say that your message & your meaning is clear, even tho your words sometimes feel like English is your second language (this is not a bad thing -- this is the truth for many writers here -- we learn to adapt to the way you express yourself, not to try to make you sound like the English we speak in the USA for example). Anyhow all in all, to have an original way of thinking & expressing yourself is much more valuable in a writer than to have perfect syntax (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hard like a marble's round shape formed over years of abrasive contact. This conditioning takes us to the place where we exist. There is a power prowling between your words as if this is just the surface. Let it rip, entice the reader with real life, not the mundane but the underbelly. No matter, there is something beautiful here that moves me as I understand the brutality of life and how it shapes us. Thank you for sharing you beautiful poetry.

Sheer Terror

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

10 Months Ago

Glad you find the beauty in this piece.... Thanks :)
TerryDarcy-Ryan   akaSheerTerror

10 Months Ago

You are welcome
i like the toughness displayed under the soft outer shell, here.
She wants them to not have to take care of each other , but both just be and love...
a person dies inside often before dying on the outside...
"Mine jurisdiction" confused me a little...if you meant "mine" not "mind" then i see it as...Mine is not a We thing...
j.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

'Jurisdiction' , like what is already happened and still not in favour.....i have to bear that pain .. read more
jacob erin-cilberto

11 Months Ago

i like that but would suggest changing the "mine" to "my" so it would read with more fluidity...just.. read more
I love the use of the language dear Sneh.
"You happy, me happy,
Lets stay like a non adjusted floppies."
The above lines. Made me smile and thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Thanks so much dear coyote...! Hope you are doing good. :D
Dear Sneha, as I have said before, I aint no critique and I normally understand people by the magnitude of their thoughts rather than their words. Words can be acquired. I love the seeping pain behind this write and the latent rush of anger.

I would like you to keep writing more and more, much more than maybe you would want to publish here. Write across the genre, touch emotions which is out of your comfort. Because you're rich in imagination and your words will fall into perfect symmetry when you write more and more. You have a potential and let no one say you are any less of an artist. But yes, again I urge write and keep writing and span your writing pieces across different genres. Know how it feel to be a ghost of medivials, a child up in the hills, a mother who lost her son, a bird in the meadows, a girl who wants to be touched, a man who tries to un-exist etc etc...... Write about everything and the wors will follow

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Loved your review man, an inducing one. Thanks much for sharing your valuable thoughts...! Good day .. read more
Abhishek Izy

9 Months Ago

You're welcome buddy
A tale of betrayal...triumph...confidence lost....confidence found again in spades.

well done, Sneh.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

exactly....thanks Ted...:)
Sneh

11 Months Ago

This is an eternal cycle . Good day!
This tells a sorry tale Sneh. A relationship which didn't work out and the fallout was hard. I felt that painful soft blood cut. Ouch.

Chris

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sneh

11 Months Ago

Pleasure that you could feel it....thanks much deary Chris! :)
Have a rocking day..!

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410 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on April 29, 2019
Last Updated on April 29, 2019

Author

Sneh
Sneh

India



About
Hey, I am Sneha. Fonder of imaginations and poetries. Often times I fail to convey my actual feelings ,so I preferred this. Thanks for the visit!! 🌹 more..

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