Like a Marble

Yes, hard , very hard
The way you depart,
Took me already apart.
The signs left with,
Imperfect perfection,
Would never force to seek ,
Mine jurisdiction.

As i tell you boy ,
I am hard, not a nut
But rather a painful soft
Blood cut .

I won everytime,
Coming to spreading joyness,
To slashing unrequired contacts.
Ignorance is perfect revenge,
To kill a person's person,
And not the physical obsession.

You happy, me happy,
Lets stay like a non adjusted floppies.
Embrace and let us,
Else of you is hope so,
Not fucked up!!

Reviews

[Abhishek Izy]

Dear Sneha, as I have said before, I aint no critique and I normally understand people by the magnitude of their thoughts rather than their words. Words can be acquired. I love the seeping pain behind this write and the latent rush of anger.

I would like you to keep writing more and more, much more than maybe you would want to publish here. Write across the genre, touch emotions which is out of your comfort. Because you're rich in imagination and your words will fall into perfect symmetry when you write more and more. You have a potential and let no one say you are any less of an artist. But yes, again I urge write and keep writing and span your writing pieces across different genres. Know how it feel to be a ghost of medivials, a child up in the hills, a mother who lost her son, a bird in the meadows, a girl who wants to be touched, a man who tries to un-exist etc etc...... Write about everything and the wors will follow

[Sneh]

Loved your review man, an inducing one. Thanks much for sharing your valuable thoughts...! Good day :)

[Abhishek Izy]

You're welcome buddy

[John the Baptist]

English may not be your first language, but those last two lines sure communicated well.

[barleygirl]

Overall, you have a unique way of expressing yourself that makes the reader stop & think about things differently. Example is V2 -- I expected a marble metaphor to be about hardness throughout, but then you throw in a twist like "painful soft blood cut" which seems nothing like a marble to me. I'm not criticizing, I'm just saying every reader comes with expectations, then we think it over & adjust our expectations as we read along. Your way of expressing yourself is fresh & different -- a good thing. Sometimes your syntax feels awkward (agree w/Jacob about "my" instead of "mine", last line of V1). I'm not here to correct people this way, so I'll just say that your message & your meaning is clear, even tho your words sometimes feel like English is your second language (this is not a bad thing -- this is the truth for many writers here -- we learn to adapt to the way you express yourself, not to try to make you sound like the English we speak in the USA for example). Anyhow all in all, to have an original way of thinking & expressing yourself is much more valuable in a writer than to have perfect syntax (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSh..]

Hard like a marble's round shape formed over years of abrasive contact. This conditioning takes us to the place where we exist. There is a power prowling between your words as if this is just the surface. Let it rip, entice the reader with real life, not the mundane but the underbelly. No matter, there is something beautiful here that moves me as I understand the brutality of life and how it shapes us. Thank you for sharing you beautiful poetry.

Sheer Terror

[Sneh]

Glad you find the beauty in this piece.... Thanks :)

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSheerTerror]

You are welcome

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like the toughness displayed under the soft outer shell, here.
She wants them to not have to take care of each other , but both just be and love...
a person dies inside often before dying on the outside...
"Mine jurisdiction" confused me a little...if you meant "mine" not "mind" then i see it as...Mine is not a We thing...
j.

[Sneh]

'Jurisdiction' , like what is already happened and still not in favour.....i have to bear that pain with no question...
Thanks much Jacob! :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like that but would suggest changing the "mine" to "my" so it would read with more fluidity...just a thought.
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

I love the use of the language dear Sneh.
"You happy, me happy,
Lets stay like a non adjusted floppies."
The above lines. Made me smile and thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Sneh]

Thanks so much dear coyote...! Hope you are doing good. :D

[Ted Kniffen]

A tale of betrayal...triumph...confidence lost....confidence found again in spades.

well done, Sneh.

[Sneh]

exactly....thanks Ted...:)

[Sneh]

This is an eternal cycle . Good day!

[Chris Shaw]

This tells a sorry tale Sneh. A relationship which didn't work out and the fallout was hard. I felt that painful soft blood cut. Ouch.

Chris

[Sneh]

Pleasure that you could feel it....thanks much deary Chris! :)
Have a rocking day..!