Surrender

Trying to better my writing skills with the use of format in Sea Fever by John Masefield.

I must go down to the seas again
To meet with my mother, Divine
This ship's wrecked and the tears ebb
To hear her wisdom overflow like wine
Upon the weary soul of I
Her daughter close to breaking
For a love has gone, his ship's sailed on
Her riven heart of woe is shaking

There was a time so long ago
Where upon these shores I stood
'Twas a time of promise renewed by hope
When in he sailed, 'twas good
The sands awash to my soles look just
Like the sands that kissed me then
And yet all the moments dwindled to dust
Maraud in the memories of way back when

I was so in love with Him
My eyes were thrice-fold blind
A heart in love filled to the brim
Overflown to his castle there in the sky
A chariot meant to take me home
Mother had said that I would cry
For here I weep just as she'd known
Taste the tears that surrender to your seas, Divine

Reviews

[Trace]

Beautifully crafted and written.
Love your rhyme patterns and the story told.

Trace

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

Excellent piece...it was so nice that initially I did not notice the rhyme scheme...I just kept reading...
"Her riven heart of woe is shaking"
"And yet all the moments dwindled to dust
Maraud in the memories of way back when"
very nice lines!

[Solilokiss]

Why thank you, kind poet. Your review is greatly appreciated.

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

I really like the name you give me. My pleasure... :)

[KAin]

An exceptional piece. I enjoyed this one from start to finish. Great rhythm, and interesting old style to this piece. Beautiful work!

[Solilokiss]

Thank you so much! I have read you and your writing amazes. This review from you is both greatly encouraging and appreciated!

[KAin]

You're most welcome, friend... and thank you.
But this really is excellent. Keep up the good work!

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Excellent write... You used the structure we'll. Your words flowed with ease while preserving meaning. This is how a writer grows! Awesome!

[Solilokiss]

Thank you so much! I am trying. Much appreciate the read and feedback.

[paddy d daly]

very different, has an old world feel to it,
To hear her wisdom overflow like wine
Upon the weary soul of I.
great lines and a lovely read,

[Solilokiss]

Thank you, I'm glad you like! Yes, I particularly like those lines as well. I have this 'thing' that a visit to the ocean breeds divinity, so I call her Divine heehee :)

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Beautiful and stunning! Left without words to say.

[Solilokiss]

A mighty thank you, Glef, for the lovely feedback :) if you like this, you might love Sea Fever by John Masefield, a classic poet.

[Solilokiss]

Sorry, Gleb, not Glef

[Donald]

You have a style worth reading. Also you are not a boring person to know. Anyone who doesn't see this is brain dead. You have shown it in your work. You are imaginative and know exactly what to say.

[Solilokiss]

Thank you so much, Donald. You are a very kind soul.

[Frieda P]

This is divine.

Like the sands that kissed me then
And yet all the moments dwindled to dust
Maraud in the memories of way back when

So many great lines, hard to choose, that was my favorite, nicely pen'd!

[Solilokiss]

Thank you, Frieda. I am greatly honored. Thank you.

[Frieda P]

My pleasure, and I'll be back to visit soon.

[Rod Dangers]

Beautifully flowed with crisp rhymes.
I enjoyed your content and the pictures you weaved within my mind.
Thank you for sharing

[Solilokiss]

And thank you for the read and review, Rod. It pleases me that you enjoyed this.