Who I Am

Hope you enjoy it.

My blood drips on the cold bare floor,

Cliche it may seem, but the monster cannot be seen.

As it lurks through the hallways

The laughs get deeper

As I go steeper into the dark corridor,

Opening the doors one by one.

 

The laughs they mock me,

Shadows play with my mind

As if it were a child’s toy.

 

There is darkness in my heart,

And therefore in my mind,

I slowly descend into insanity’s hands.

 

Each door I open

My sanity gets stolen,

Piece by piece it is taken away.

 

The monster mocks me,

For I cannot find him.

It sees my demise,

And I become lethargic,

Collapsing on the floor I cry.

 

For the monster who I could not find,

The monster that lurked the twisted hallways,

Was I.

Reviews

[TLK]

Clique is defined as 'a group of 2 to 12 (averaging 5 or 6) "persons who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting."' Did you mean cliché?

The first stanza has something of the structure of Poe's The Raven, which I enjoyed. I think you lose this in your trio of three-line stanzas. By the time you get to the end, the message is a little trite. I didn't find it clear enough how the I was destroying itself, how it was a monster.

[Soma-ko]

I definitely have the incorrect word used, thanks for pointing it out!
All in all I write poetry as a hobby, and to me, my poems hold little meaning; its the way I can play with the words which makes it fun for me. Sometimes others find meaning in my poems that I've never noticed, and it helps broaden my views. I'm glad you enjoyed the first stanza of my poem, although to me, it just sounded very nice, and it's been along time since I've read any of Poe's works.

Thanks for the correction and the review.

[Soma-ko]

I guess one way to elucidate this is how I actually felt while I wrote it, which took me awhile to remember, but I won't argue that its confusing and ambiguous.

None of what is happening above is occurring as a literal event, but one more of self reflection. Guilt and shame are the two main feeling that I evoked into this piece, albeit, you can't exactly read the feelings that aren't very noticeable in the first place, but they are lingering throughout the mediocre lines.

The bold statement "my blood drips.." is implying self inflicted pain that the narrator has inflicted upon his/herself. The mention of twisted hallways, and corridors are supposed to give a reader a sense of being lost in a maze; unsure, and frighten on what may happen, and his/her whereabouts. The laughs represents the mocking one receives from others, at times shamed, all you can do continue on, hoping that behind the laughter resides at least one person willing to help. Darkness clearly represents the guilt the narrator feels, the heart wrenching feeling of not feeling worth anything. Each door is another way out, but the narrator never seems to find the correct door; the door represents every single pill he/she is taking. Slowly losing consciousness (Sanity), after each one he/she takes (opens). In the end, the narrator is lethargic and crying because he has finally taken enough medication to end his/her life; crying, because he/she feels powerless and pathetic.
In the end, the narrator comes in terms with his decision, and realizes that the only person who could ever do harm to him, was himself alone.

I hope that clarified this piece a small bit, and I didn't expect anyone to really get the full view of the actually thing, cause hey, its pretty narrow.

[NA]

Oh love this...dark, gripping, loved the ending...superbly done :)

[Soma-ko]

Glad you liked it, and thank you. :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Poe all the way...dark, real, fathomless in the stark weight of the darkness. I like a little grit and gore sometimes, it keeps me awake and alive. The metaphor of "the monster" is one that I pondered on...i could see this "monster" being so many different things, and I finally settled upon was what you chose, which was that you were the monster. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. This reminded me a bit of "The Telltale Heart" for some reason. Well done.

[Ezekiel Silver]

Impressive poem! I like how vivid the setting is. Nice work!

[Soma-ko]

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

[SyberRose]

Yes reminds me of Poe...I like dark as long as not too dark...I like writing on the edge, If it has alot of blood in it..i usually dont like to read ha...nicely done...Rose

[Soma-ko]

Thank you, luckily, none of my works have much blood in it (other than the short story I posted up). Most of my poems tend to lead towards the darkness within.
Thanks for the review, and I hope I don't venture into a realm so dark that you'll feel discomforted.

[SyberRose]

Well if I dont other people might like it though.

[Soma-ko]

True, but one tends to favor those they know more, even if its a tiny bit more.
That's what makes us humans, to like and dislike, to love and hate, and at times, to not feel at all.

[hurdur]

good work

[Soma-ko]

Thanks, glad you liked it.