The Greed of Nature

A Fiery Affair.

A meager flame licks her cheek,

Its tongue running up her neck.
Touching her hair, it tousles and engulfs it.
Caressing her shoulders, it makes its way down her back,
Slowly massaging every part of her body.
It hugs her tightly, refusing to let go.
Onto her hips the flames reach, taking her breath away.

Continuing downwards, it kisses her thighs.
Following an invisible path on her calves, it makes its way towards her foot.
Washing her feet, the flame has completely devoured her.

Gasping for air, she drowned in flames.
Living not to feel, another day.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Interesting idea. The metaphor of an ill-fated affair being fire consuming one's body and soul is quite poignant; I have felt this way before. I like the descriptions and imagery that you have used, and the flow was actually quite nice. I can relate to this one.

Technical issues:
My only real issue is with the last two lines. i like the idea of a couplet to close out this type of piece, but in the line "Screaming in agony, she passes away." I think that perhaps you could word that a little better--for some reason "passes away" seems to take away from the strength and agony of the "fire". I would go with "Engulfed in flames, she dies a blazing death" or something along those lines. Just so that you keep up the power of the fire metaphor.

Overall, I really liked this one.

[Soma-ko]

Thanks, I'll put some thought on that. The last lines didn't have much planning done on them, so I'll definitely revise it soon.

Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[NA]

Great metaphor and I also found it sensual....really enjoyed :)

[Soma-ko]

Happy you enjoyed this poem.

[SyberRose]

I enjoyed your words Soma...I found it to be quite sensuous...but I would prefer the ending to be more passionate...and as the flame consumes or ravishes her toes she drowned in a bonfire of passion or along those lines...but I know you like a little darker feel than I do...Rose

[Soma-ko]

I guess its all in personal taste. My mind is in a bit of a rut right now, and getting headaches due to lack of sleep, which may impair may words a bit. But I'm glad you liked most of it.

[Soma-ko]

Now that I think about it, I believe I have quite a narrow mind... I guess its because my poems lack passion, unlike yours, which is the reason most of my poems tend to be blunt and to the point... Trying to add an abstract feeling to my pieces.

[SyberRose]

you have a creative mind though...this was unique.