Clear (Part 2)

Clear (Part 2)

A Story by Alisha Martin
"

part 2

"

I want to believe that there is real remorse in your voice.

I want it to be a year and a half earlier.

I want to smile again.

But I don't believe, and it's only now, and I can't smile.

"Stop." I whisper. My voice is so weak.

Your hands hold mine tighter.

"Stop." I say again.

You don't move.

"Has...to...Stop." It's hard to make sentences. It hurts.

"B.G..."

I begin to crumble, the wind starts to whisk me away.

I try and pull my hands away, at least I think I do. I can't tell the difference between doing and thinking anymore.

Anyway, my hands don't move.

I bite my lip, feeling the familiar cracked surface.

Oh. No, no no." Your finger-tips are under my eyes again.

You spread the wetness across my cheeks.

I take this opportunity.

I stand up.

 

 

and I walk home. Alone. Without you.

© 2010 Alisha Martin


Author's Note

Alisha Martin
Please review! and leave comments! on all my stuff. :)

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Reviews

I'm kinda confused about what exactly this is about. I understand there is affliction in it, but what kind. The details are good. Just, maybe, clarify what its about and it could be greater than it is now. I'm not saying its not great, Because it is, but i think it has potential to be greater. Great piece.


Posted 14 Years Ago


I like the use of spacing at the end, it exponentially increased the dramatic effect. Also it feels like she's leaving a piece of herself there as she walks away.... might be just me though.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

very amazing!

Posted 14 Years Ago


Amazing! I love how the emotion and words flowed so flawlessly together. :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is really amazing, a very descriptive piece

Posted 14 Years Ago


I can actually see little bits of your blowing away in the wind, yet being forced to stay in that spot where you don't know what to do. Could see the imagery and it portrayed your feelings well. Great Job keep writing!
~Aradie

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i like this a lot, you can thank matthew hartwell for sending me a read request, i think this is really really good and wished you'd entered it in my story contest because this is really good.

Posted 14 Years Ago


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This piece sounds like a break-up happening and he doesn't care that he's tearing you apart.You can feel the pure emotions of this piece. I love how you make your reader feel as if they are experiencing your pain with you. WOnderful write!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is really good.
i loved the raw emotion in it.
great job hun.
i look forward to clear part 3 :)

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on February 26, 2010
Last Updated on February 26, 2010


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