The Sad Cow

Chester looked around at the packed pasture and wondered what it was all about. He asked several of his cow mates what they thought. Most answered with the typical, "God works in his mysterious cow ways." Which didn't help Chester any.

He was depressed and eating more hay and corn didn't help. And since the cold weather came, it was impossible for him to ferment the corn and hay to produce that bitter liquid that made him forget for a while.

He just wanted a purpose in his life. Why was he fenced in these cramped confinements like a prisoner? Would he ever go to school and learn algebra?

And then his opportunity came. The hay truck backed up to drop off the feed. A glass bottle fell off, hit a rock, and broke to reveal a sharp jagged edge. He seized the bottle and knew exactly what to do.

All the other cows were in shock. They didn't see it coming. "He seemed like a happy cow. Maybe a little strange, but he mostly kept to himself.", they would say.

"Wow Johnson, these are the best burgers ever."

"Thanks Jake. I guess the butcher said he marinated it in moonshine or something.", Johnson said.

Chester looked down from heaven at the super bowl party with a smile.

Reviews

[Baby Ricochet]

Suicidal cows. Awesome!

[KAOlmsted]

Algebra??

I love the cows standing around in shock, saying all of the things stupid people say when they're being interviewed on the news when one of their neighbors offs himself. Priceless.

Can cows who commit suicide be granted entrance into the Heavenly Kingdom?

[Marie]

I just love a happy ending!

[Pandrogynite]

This story is so absolutely quirky I don't know quite how to take it at first. A depressed cow, killing himself, and then his sorrow makes the most delicious burger imaginable.

I love it. I'd say you need a switch between the dialogue and the cow backstory, though- it's a little confusing to just go from one to the next. One line, something like "a week later and a thousand miles away, a man takes a bit of a burger" or something to that effect.