Getting There

The journey of Stroke

Not sure where 'There' is.

It's not a time,

it's not a location,

it's not a distance,

it's as a mirage,

just something that  

  comes and goes

  from view,

not contained by borders,

a variable marker

  fluctuating between 

  good days and bad.

 

People, so many people,

all there for me, 

circles bigger, bigger.

The overwhelm,

the emotions, 

the meltdowns, 

talking, a softer heart.

 

time goes by  ....

time goes by  ....

 

Ticking off the list

  one by one;

gaining a balance,

transfers, transfers,

'core' and 'trunk'

bed transfers, 

car transfers,

finding a strength, 

bathroom matters, 

getting to my feet,

pouring a wine,

coffee with the boys,

back on the gopher, 

to breakfast with 

  my family, 

getting out of bed and 

  lots and lots of in betweens. 

 

time goes by  ....

time goes by  ....

 

A long road to get 

  to where I was, but 

  a pathway, a 

  difficult case.

'Core', 'trunk', 

'stand tall', 'bum in',

fatigue, 

a determination, 

not as it once was,

just to walk again.

 

The days I couldn't 

  hold myself up,

the work,

the exercise,

the recovery.

Sit to stands,

the tilt table,

Litegait machine,

powering in the halls. 

Cups of rice,

buttons, the blocks,

right hand, left hand, 

my beautiful 

  handwriting returning.

 

My calipers, 

my crutches, 

parallel bars,

laps, laps and laps, 

laps, laps and laps,

the walking, walking, 

a journey

  remembered.

The work,

the exercise,

the recovery,

a life returning, and yet

  everyday is a ‘there.’

 

Out of bed,

breakfast with 

  the family, 

little corners

  turning, turning! 

 

People, so many people,

no longer overwhelm, just 

  thankful, grateful for 

their guidance, 

to have them around, 

to get this body 

  going again.

The strength in that!

 

Little exercises, but 

  to what end 

over, over, over again,

where the big picture? 

Days, months.

When, when? 

 

Jigsaw pieces falling,

gently pushing barriers 

 

Stroke on disability,

walking, but 

  two years in 

  a wheelchair, 

next steps,

next steps,

little corners turning.

 

not the first one, but 

  a journey profound.

 

Getting There, 

it's there, there, 

over there,

independence calling, 

yelling, screaming,

beckoning me on, 

reaching, reaching

  for 'There.'

Reviews

[Carola]

wow, i can't even imagine what it would feel like to be in your position.
no-one usually lives life with thoughts of a stroke lurking in the background.
yet when it happens, I would think of all those things I hadn't yet achieved in life & I would be totally absorbed in wondering what sort of recovery & how long will it take.
i take my hat off to you for doing any writing at all !!
have a great sunday.
cheerio carola

[Richard M]

Thank Carola for your words. My stroke was mild, as far as strokes can go, but the scary times were there. I did wonder what the outcome would be, but having a disability anyway, I just motored through, but it was just a day to day thing. Actually, my poetry writing at that time, disappeared all together for a time; thoughts, ability, motivation. OMGosh, I was so bereft, but ever SO glad it came back. I had my poetry books with me, read of others, exercising my own will to conjure up the love of poetry again. So happy my words came back.
Take care my friend.
R

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Amazing write Richard
When did you have a stroke

[Richard M]

Hi Julie, In July 2020. Am well and have recovered okay. Still working hard to get back on my feet and to walk again. Thanks for asking xx
Richard

[Bryan Sefton]

I've never experienced a stroke but I did when I read your poem. I found it truly frightening. I do hope that all is well now. I wish you all the best.

[Richard M]

Morning Bryan, Nice to meet you. Thank you for your review and your wishes. I'm well and have recovered fairly well from the Stroke. I am learning to walk again and have the strength, balance and endurance,but this will take as long as it takes. But I am okay thank you and happy too.
Take care my friend.
R

[jacob erin-cilberto]

It is such a long recovery...I have had friends even with mild strokes...and it was such a hard road.
This poem has its sadness but also shows the ability to fight back with every strength possible.
j.

[Richard M]

Thanks Jacob, Yes, a long, hard road indeed, but I have a great team around me and am getting there! It's been over two years, and with an existing disability, a very prolonged recovery, but amazed at the steps in this journey to get me back on my feet. I walked before, determined to do it again.
Take care my friend.
Richard