Completed

Completed

A Story by Nariko
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summary of the story

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    Great friends, good grades, and a wonderful family who loves her and never scolded her for playing video games. Who could complain? But something was missing; something was incomplete. Every day felt the same. Eiko went to school, talked with friends, and spent time with family" nothing ever changed. She wasn’t stressed out, wasn’t pressured, but why did she feel like something was missing? Why did her perfect life feel so boring to her? Just what was she lacking?


  One late afternoon, while playing a RPG game, Eiko met a stranger who helped her out when she was in a bit of a pinch. This mysterious person brought color to her dull life. She found him interesting, and they decided to chat. Soon, she began to look forward to their daily chats. Eiko felt comfortable talking with him and shared stories about her personal life. Suddenly, one day, he asked to meet her in person. She became afraid. What would happen if they met? What if he turned out to be someone she actually knew? Her older brother hinted at what she was missing in her life. But what was it? Did it have anything to do with the stranger she met in the game? Find out in the next chapter of “Completed.” (Coming soon! Hopefully.)


 




© 2017 Nariko


Author's Note

Nariko
ignore grammar problems,and give me a review of what do you think of it?,or is it interesting?I give summaries before I write the story.I want readers to read my summary to see if they will enjoy reading the story or if it interest them?sorry if it might not perk your interest much,but I hope some people or even a few people will enjoy this,this is my first time typing a story online,so it might kind of suck,but I will do my best to make it enjoyable!Thank you for wasting your time on this story!I would like to appreciate on some reviews on this story.Thanks again!New edited version.I would like to thank my cousin for helping me editing it.

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Featured Review

Sounds like it could have potential. When I started reading I thought of Sword Art Online which is one of my favourite anime's. I love anything to do with gaming so I like the idea of meeting someone who you know through that world.
Definitely interested in reading more.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nariko

2 Years Ago

aww thank you :) I already posted 2 chapters. Take your time reading them. I am glad that you like t.. read more


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Reviews

A interesting tale begin. Nice story lines had possibiliity. Thank you Nariko for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


I think it will turn out to be an engrossing read.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Sounds like a promising romance :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Your grammar is actually pretty good, and this is really cute. I can relate to it and i'm sure that a lot of people could relate to this too. I love this short story, and I can't wait for the next piece of this missing .

Posted 2 Years Ago


I would like a more indepth summary of the story you are writing, it might spice up the want of people to read it. Like a cliffhanger.
Overall, I'm interested in who the man could be and what'll happen to Eiko.
Hope to read the story once you are done.

Posted 2 Years Ago


I like it - keep going! I feel nervous for Eiko and hope out well.

Posted 2 Years Ago


I am not sure how to respond to a story summary. The thoughts presented seem to present a story with potential noted in your opening sentence. I had no idea what an RPG was but became interested enough to Google it. If you are having fun keep at it. Good luck

Posted 2 Years Ago


This seems like it can become something very nice if the elements of the story are well developed. I agree with Srchaud, make the characters interesting and the story would be interesting. I look foward to seeing how it goes

Posted 2 Years Ago


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k
I think you have an interesting start here, but there's a lot of work to be done. I'm not even really sure if this is a plot summary or a first chapter. There are a ton of details missing and it feels like everything that happens is rushed. We go from something bad happening to her (which you would do well to explain) to him wanting to meet up with her in a single paragraph. I feel like I have whiplash. If it's a summary, you give way too much of the story away. I feel like I already know the full plot of your book just from reading these two paragraphs, and you don't want your reader to feel like they don't have to read. Sorry if this is too blunt, I'm not the best at sugar coating. I really do think you have an interesting premise, I'm just not really sure what this is.

Posted 2 Years Ago


This seems so short to encompass so much. There are a few open-enders that shouldn't be open-ended by the end of this chapter. First off, what game are they playing? what was she doing in the game that this stranger helped her out with? What's his code name that she should doubt she knew the guy? How is her family like apart from loving her and tolerating her video game habits? There's so much missing from this chapter to really drag the readers in more. Second off, I would suggest putting the "brother hinting at what the missing part was" earlier, and end the chapter at the fear that it might be someone she new (and hint at why would that strike fear). No "find out next time" nonsense (forgive my bluntness). That's for tv show narration, and it doesn't quite work in the narrative itself (it would work however in the Author's Note" portion of this page). Good start, though. The premise is a bit intriguing, to say the least.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1970 Views
24 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on March 30, 2014
Last Updated on April 15, 2017
Tags: romance, anime-like story, gamers, comedy, highschool students, family, friends

Author

Nariko
Nariko

New york, United States Minor Outlying Islands



About
I like to watch anime,and read manga.I want to try posting some anime stories online.I wrote some stories myself but I don't let people read my stories because I think it's horrible.I would like to kn.. more..

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