Completed: Chapter 2 "Recollection"

Chapter 2 of Completed

Hiroyuki was astonished by that question. His mouth was wide open. His face starts to get a little flushed. When he tried to speak, his words fumbled around into gibberish. She yells, “Huh? I can’t understand what you’re saying. Speak more clearly!” He starts to scratch his head and tries to figure out how to answer her.

He sees his reflection in the window. He starts to speak casually, “I think Eiko is stubborn, and a short-tempered girl.” Rie nods her head and replies, “Well that’s true.”

Then his voice starts to get soft, “But at the same time, she’s enchanting. She’s upfront and honest. Sometimes too much for her own good. I don’t know why I can’t take my eyes off her. Everytime I try to talk to her, I end up being a jerk.” He puts his hand against the glass of the window and sighs.

Before Rie could speak, Hiroyuki continues to talk. He speaks in a tender voice, “At the first year of high school, I met Eiko. At lunchtime, I was playing games with some friends. Then, my game was on low battery. I forgot my charger for my game. I was looking around to ask someone for a charger. Then I saw her sitting alone listening to music on her ipod. When I asked her for a charger, she took her out one of her ear buds and gave it to me. She automatically went back to listening to her music. Her blank expression and her eyes spacing out in her own world. It was like she didn’t care about anything around her, just her own thoughts. It was mysterious and alluring. We didn’t talk afterwards, until this year. I didn’t expect her to be in my third year class. When I tried to approach her, I ended up making a bad impression on her.”

Rie was shocked to see a different side of him. She smiled and said, “Wow. I didn’t thought you would say those things. I am surprised. Who would have thought a sophisticated popular guy like you could be so compassionate?” Hiroyuki’s eyebrow starts to twitch. He said in a slightly upset voice, “In school,

everyone puts this image of me being cool. But lately, it’s been difficult to keep that image up. I get tired of being someone I’m actually not.”

After hearing his words, Rie starts to regret what she said earlier. She apologizes and leans on a nearby desk. She looks at Hiroyuki staring at the window. She starts to speak, “I met Eiko in elementary school. She was hard to approach and seemed emotionless. She didn’t have any friends. All the kids would bully and tease her for not being normal. But I finally got her to open up. She started to become someone I didn’t ever want to lose.” Hiroyuki didn’t know what to say back.

Rie smiled and said, “Well I got to go home. See you tomorrow! It was nice talking about all this and hearing what you really thought.”  She waves goodbye. He says goodbye and continued staring at the sky through the window.

He sighs and says to himself, “Today is going to be a tough day.”  

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems,and give me a review of what do you think of it?,or is it interesting?This is Chapter 2.Thank you for waiting patiently for chapter 2.I hoped you liked it and please be patient for Chapter 3.I will try my best to post it as soon as I can.I guarantee you it will get better the next part and so on.Thank you for those who viewed my summary of this story.I was happy by the views but I wanted a some reviews.So,please review!I don't mind if it's negative or positive.I will be glad that people take notice of it.Thank you for wasting your time on this story!Sorry if I type a lot.well,thank you again!

Reviews

[Srchaud]

Again has a lot of anime quality to the setup. Nothing wrong with that. If this is something you are in to, I think people would enjoy it Again the writing is clear and the sentences are not clunky and loaded with adverbs. If you can put a spin on some tropes or add in a few twists you might have a decent story as you clearly have the writing to back it up.

[Nariko]

Well I am not the type of person to write complicated sentences. There would be some twists later on. For now, the beginning seems a bit bland. But I hope I can make it better the more the story progresses.

[Srchaud]

I agree it is a touch bland, but as for the genre you options are limited as this seems more a love story then action or anything supernatural. Without knowing how the story will unfold,I cant say what you should change. Maybe show your Mc down on her luck, a series of bad events all in a row as she comes home. It might make us more sympathetic to her brooding and therefore make the reading more interesting.

[Nariko]

Well I already planned what my approach be for the mc.

[ImaginationGone]

Not bad. Looking forward to next chapter.

I'm also an avid viewer of anime so a lot of this very generic, formulaic. That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.
I can kinda envision where the story is going and what's going to happen to characters but this is your opportunity to really write something gripping or introduce new elements to make your story stand out.

I'm not too into Romance/(Bi)Shojo but I can take the time to read through and appreciate one.

The huge time hiatus between chapters shows some different ideas and maybe a change in direction. Perhaps consider going back and adjusting the previous chapter to align with your new direction.

I like the characters.
I think they're a little bland now but it's the beginning of the story so there's plenty of room for growth and development.


I think you have something solid going here so it'll be a good thing if you continue with what you have. Look forward to your progress.

[Nariko]

Thank you very much for your review! I see. I lost my passion of writing a few years ago. It was difficult for me to get back into it. I know my writing is okay, but I sure got rusty over the years. I am going to try my best to make it as interesting as I can. I am coming up with a few new elements for future chapters. To be honest, I wasn't sure whenever people actually like this story. I didn't care much about the views. But I would like to know what others thought about it. I was very happy to read your review ^-^ Yes it's the beginning of the story. It might be a bit boring, but I am going to try to make me more exciting in future chapters! Look forward to them!