To Mend a Fractured Heart

look through my eyes

the smile that lies

and says that

i'm okay

break past my walls

and feel the pain

of your attempts

ricocheting back

all the hate

all the hurt

toppling, tumbling

onto your frail body

my sorrowful tears

rushing out

turning to blood

and drowning you within

but instead

of being crushed

you take those fractured pieces

and repair my broken barriers

instead of sinking

you float atop

and swim to shore

right back to my dreaming consciousness

where you grasp the two halves of my heart

to make them one again

and for once in my life

i'm okay.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

This piece just bleeds through the read...the focus and the words as you read them as a reader...takes you into the moment...I would add this in the one stanza to give a touch:

all the hate
and the hurt
toppling, tumbling
onto your frail body
---
all the hate,
all the hurt,
toppling, tumbling
onto your frail body

the "and" dissolves the effect and the "all" gives more a punch like the first line...since your really not letting go and pushing this to the limits --- until the ending...

[Star]

Thank you! I'll fix it right now. I sort of tried not to repeat words because I might have ended up sounding redundant, but now that you pointed it out, it actually sounds a lot better. Thank you so much for the feedback!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...at times --- usage of the repetition is warranted...in this case...I understand what you're coming by...I see lots of it done here with other writers at the WC...

[willweb]

This poem was beautifully sad, ending happy. To be healed again by the touch of two hands after all of that pain, wonderful. I enjoyed reading this today.

[Star]

Thank you, I'm glad to hear. (:

[smashinhonest]

Nice i like it. Even though i'm not a poet reader, the title caught my eyes.

[Star]

Thank you very much!

[Bailey C. Writing]

I loved this!! It really seems to define the word "poetic" and it has a wonderful flow. Good write!

[Star]

Thank you, I appreciate the feedback!