Shades of Blue

A Poem by Paige Pino

Please just tell me that I'm real
Because I'm starting to forget the taste of this home
Everything feels like a half-remembered dream
Where the faces all blur and everyone speaks in foreign tongues
And I’m the only one who doesn’t understand
I can feel my lungs moving in a foolish impersonation of breathing
But my blood is still crying for oxygen
I’m longing for answers, for some kind of clue
But every time I open my mouth to ask
I seem to forget the question
The truth is, I think I forgot how to breathe a long time ago
But I’ve been pretending for too many years that it’s become a habit
Someone once told me that it takes twenty-seven days to break a habit
But I don’t know if I have that much time left in me
Am I fading away or just waking up?
If you ever think of looking for me
Find me in flowing, shuddering shades of blue
I’m trying to become the water that I’ve always dreamed of drowning in
So that I might find some sort of life stirring inside me