"Lost In I Wasn't Thinking"

I could try to recover, these pictures in my mind

But their substance abuse suffered

Hid beneath the covers.

I can’t convey the right from the wrong,

If you drink too much and lye half awake in your head

Is it ok for a person to take advantage of you in bed?

Ok, boo hoo. Not anything I can undo

My teenage self to unaware

To sense some outted prison inmate would not care.

But they told me there was a party,

Up at hotel six

I drank a lot, he made the call now tears I’m dealing with.

The night collapsed into a dark room

With friends disappearing

And intentions misconstrued

I couldn’t remember but I do remember

You

Your ugly face so misconstrued.

Thanks a lot for making me feel like a w***e,

A drunken b***h, and not much more.

I didn’t know, thought there was a party

Or maybe I was searching for a damaged fix.

But I wasn’t, this s**t I’m not taught,

But when you started you continued when I said stop.

Got arrested the morning between 6 am and the front door.

From all the walls you punched out,

And the silence on my mouth.

And I was young and I was stupid looking for a void to fill,

But you demons lurched,

And now I know how to cure this kill.

So I’ll keep my dignity,

Remember what is left of me,

And stop having an excuse, to fuse within the shore.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is intense, confessional type stuff, much similar to denise levertov or anne sexton of the Beats.

a little bit ginsberg too..

self-depricating as Plath (whom i saw you really like..did my masters thesis on her and sexton...wonderful poets...next to dickinson, plath is my second favorite.

dark, intense, like your writing...

yet there is a playfulness at the same time which is engaging.

even in this sad, dark piece..."boo hoo, nothing i can undo"

sometimes we get into situations and wonder how it ever happened...but we have to give ourselves a break...we are, after all, human.

you are a really strong writer...with an attitude that punches the reader in the face...in a good way...and we want to come back into the ring for more.

[Starfruitanimal]

this feedback really keeps me motivated. i've been having some artists blocks but i suppose everyone does. thank you so much

[astronaut]

Love this, know the feeling too well.

[Starfruitanimal]

:/ -- thank you for your comment, things happen. at least we can write it:)

[Inda]

There's a sense of urgency here that gives It credibility. It's like a race, or at least that's what i felt reading it. Great job.

[Starfruitanimal]

thankyou :) i will read your piece soon

[Felecia]

Wow...truthfully I can't really imagine what it must have been like to go threw that...often I think about situations like that, try to see how I can write a short story out of it or a poem, but truthfully, you never can really write something about that unless you've experienced it in some way. They say to write what you know, and that may not apply to everything, but it applies to something like this.
This is a wondeful poem, filled with raw and hurt feelings. This is excellent.
I'm extremely sorry to hear that you had to go threw that, and even though the apology may not seem like much, but I mean it.
Keep on being strong! And keep on writing great poetry :)

[Starfruitanimal]

thank you, writing is a great way to vent, tell stories, and express yourself :)

[Felecia]

Yes it is :D

[luviva]

emotionallly strong and gripping!! loved it ryt from the start, nice write.

[Sacha Davison]

This piece has a great emotional effect. Powerful is a word I may use too often, but it describes this poem in a nutshell. Thank you very much for sharing!

3rd last line. "So I'll keep me dignity," did you intend to write "my"?

[Starfruitanimal]

hah yes i did, i have to change that. thanks for noticing and for your helpful comment :)

[Sacha Davison]

You are quite welcome!

[Pradeep Nair]

what shall I say!

powerful or beautiful...
the language is powerful and the theme is beautiful.

ya... Remember what is left of you..!
A lot more works of beauty in here..

Go..ONNNNNN

[Starfruitanimal]

thank you so much. life gives you so much to write about !

[John Stussy]

Often confusing how we get to those points where things just go wrong and the cost ends up being a little piece of ourselves. And it's amusing how intoxication, whether it be the search for it or the fruits of it, will often enough lead us to those instances. Sorry you had to go through something like this lass, couldn't have been easy. At least one awesome poem came from it though, and what's more, growth in yourself. Great work once again.

[Starfruitanimal]

thanks for you comment ! i can't really regret too much if you learn from the circumstances you just get stronger...

[John Stussy]

True that, keep on writing and getting stronger.

[Damien Davison]

Powerful, good job sharing that.

"But I wasn’t, this s**t I’m not taught,
But when you started you continued when I said stop."

Those were intense and flawlessly flowed lines, I'm glad you show strength, hopefully it can help some others in the same situation.

[Starfruitanimal]

i thankyou much, i was in a pain state when i wrote this but i do hope it can help others in some fragment. great thanks for your comment :)

[Starfruitanimal]

and i respect your reviews, your writing is very well done

[Erinne S.]

Wow you wrote this very well. You could feel the pain and emotion behind every word! Nice write.

~Erinne

[Starfruitanimal]

thankyou very much !