wow,
i liked the experession of this idea as a muscian.
the king leading them to edge and into the ocea... great message embedded in there.
leaders tend to take the people they lead to be play/musical instruments.
loved the idea!!
continue insipiring ma friend
Sadly this is very true. Rhetorical speaking, can be seen a song , making all slaves, poisoned, tricked to his spells. and all connects very well. reminds me of all dictators of history running the theme , making the kids follow them blindly .
and I think a question mark should be added in the end since you ask us a question.
I am really liking your writing style, keep on :)
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
question mark, yes i think i'll add that. thanks I'm gonna do that right now haha
This was great. A very interesting concept. It could use some added punctuation to make it flow smoother, but otherwise it's quite good! Also "it's" in the first line should be changed to possessive. Keep it up! :)
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
I'll keep that in mind thanks! (about the punctuation
)
wow,
i liked the experession of this idea as a muscian.
the king leading them to edge and into the ocea... great message embedded in there.
leaders tend to take the people they lead to be play/musical instruments.
loved the idea!!
continue insipiring ma friend
"He played his pipe like a liar
Spread his sound like wild fire
No words needed to conspire
Children taken by his power"... nicely written.. short but a good read.
A Pied Piper of sorts, to be led without will to break free, how sad. Quite a story for so few words, it definitely leaves the reader with a feeling of sadness and makes me wonder, how fitting it is when I look around at the world today. Well done.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
I'm glad you enjoyed it. it is partly a true aspect of society, I'm glad I managed to get the emotio.. read moreI'm glad you enjoyed it. it is partly a true aspect of society, I'm glad I managed to get the emotion across. Thank you :)
Amazing, simply amazing. Wow, such a good message here, that I've rapped about before actually at the end of 'Burning'. I'm glad there are others that realize how much of an influence it has on our society. Thanks for sharing!
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
thank you so much :) i love to write about the darker side of society. no problem !
"Oh charity, clarity, honesty excitement
The one with class, falsely accused, misconstrued
Anger, sorrow, pact, machinary, decisions
Collisions, instant gratification
Thinking about you programmed.. more..