Pinocchio's Dead

Uh-oh.

 

Damnit. I thought this would be an improvement.

 

I thought this would be a step up from turning into a real boy. Listen to my conscience? You need a brain to comprehend sounds and turn them into meaning. I need a brain. I hear they’re great when sautéed in garlic sauce.

 

And now, I can’t even reach around to scratch my a*s, which is now itching. So, alright, cooking’s out of the question.

 

But when that zombie picked me up at first and started to play with me (not in that way, you sicko), I kind of thought it would be neat. It would beat the hell out of that emotional old man who so much cried if I walked out the door without asking, and it certainly beat the hell out of fat f**k who treated me like his entertainment w***e, and I would have to respect him as my entertainment pimp. So a change in pace was great.

 

Until the zombie really did start to play with me (now you can think that, you sicko), and I said no, and that when I said I had wood, I meant that I was made of wood (ok, I can see how he took that one out of context too). Let me tell you something: oak doesn’t have s**t on the undead. That b*****d didn’t look like he lifted weights when he actually was alive, but he effortlessly picked me up, cracked my puppet head open, and ate the termites that served as my brain and left me on the ground behind the alley.

 

So yeah. That’s why you’re standing over me, wondering how the hell this puppet turned into a zombie.

 

You look nice. You seem nice. You let me vent about my s****y puppet life which is not my s****y puppet zombie life.

 

You smell nice.

 

Wait! Come back! I didn’t mean it like that! I didn’t mean that your smell made me hungry and want to crack YOUR head open and soak it in barbeque sauce!

 

Ok, maybe I did. So what? The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Especially if you’re carved out of it.

 

Ah, damnit. Maybe that hot fairy can come back here and make my day. She's immortal anyway, so why does she need that brain? Especially with that body in that outfit?

 

 

Author's Note

Thanks, Drew!

Reviews

[Drew Wade]

This ISSSSSS genius.. I totally agree. the fact that you wrote something this good in the space of maybe three minutes really... well... it scares me.. because I'm so proud.

I need a brain. I hear they're great sauteed in garlic sauce. Probably my favorite line.

Oh the thoughts you'd be thinkin, you could be another Lincoln, if you only had a brain (sauteed in garlic sauce).

[Elissa; the genuine art..]

Oh my goodness...
I think I'm in love.
This is AMAZING!!!!!
I would have never thought of something nearly as genius as this.
Adding this to my favorites for sure.

-Elissa :D

[Cassandra D.]

amazing story

[Raef C. Boylan]

I liked Drew's Wizard of Oz tribute to your story haha.
This is entertaining and had some clever lines -
"So what? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Especially if you're carved out of it."

I hope it was as fun to write as it is to read.

p.s.
"that emotional old man who so much cried if I walked out"
[that emotional old man who cried if I so much as walked out ?]

[Taylor H]

great story

[Marina]

Am I so weird to think that this is genius?


Fantastic!

=D Thanks for sharing.

xxStaySweet,
Marinaaaa

;D