Within these walls of freedom I saw an endless prison.

Within these walls of freedom I saw an endless prison.

A Poem by Steph K
"

We are all trapped

"

I am a corpse

My eyes sunken in

The bagginess

Weights like blackened plates.

Children playing with their mates.

 

Under trees lay their piercing laughter

The crack, the pause the play that comes after

Connecting all, if happiness exists.

Persist.

 

The earth is barren

Laden with grief

Sinking underneath the leaves

As I see

Capture in

My soul eradicates

Makes

 

Pictures of a life: long dream rapture.

Buried by the weary leaves

Sewn deep into cravats; mine.

 

Mine: Sign the oath

The oath to freedom

Be free, be. Be.


Until you capture life’s long kingdom

Engulfed in riches, laden in gold

Basking under…

Some moonlight

Ghost ridden

broken

You are in prison.

© 2011 Steph K


Author's Note

Steph K
A part of my attempt to describe the deeper meanings of life. Comments? =)

My Review

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Featured Review

Hmm, the partial rhyme sort of ate at me. I normally don't like rhyming poetry and I especially don't like it when the rhyme fades in and out. However, I too feel that we are trapped. I appreciated the significance of the poem and most of the imagery was well written and wonderful to vision. It was a good poem in all, but it could use a bit of review, I think.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Wow this is a good writing. I loved the use of words great job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


You dug deep into the core of life...Be free...love this!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Hmm, the partial rhyme sort of ate at me. I normally don't like rhyming poetry and I especially don't like it when the rhyme fades in and out. However, I too feel that we are trapped. I appreciated the significance of the poem and most of the imagery was well written and wonderful to vision. It was a good poem in all, but it could use a bit of review, I think.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Theres some impressive stuff here. 'The earth is barren Laden with grief
Sinking underneath the leaves"; I like the melancholy and gothic feel of that line. They'd make good lyrics. Though some of it I think could use a little tweaking, theres alot of short, blunt lines that aren't quite as hard-hitting as they could be. I think it would come across stronger if you laced some of the stanzas with more pithy and elegant imagery in your expression.
Otherwise a good poem you have here.


Posted 10 Years Ago


Hmm, very nice imagery. Also, I love the staccato feeling to this, it keeps the reader thinking and on edge. Nicely done.

Posted 10 Years Ago


loved it

Posted 10 Years Ago


The thing I love about your writing is that you manage to pull out some great poetic imagery with good underlying meanings, this being another example of that. Do keep writing poetry, you obviously have a talent for it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Some kewl wordplay , always kewl to experiment and sometimes you pull it off like this time

Posted 10 Years Ago


You saw it and brought it back. Well done

Posted 10 Years Ago


I think you shared your attempt brilliantly! Your stanzas drew me in, and allowed my mind to dance with your stunning visuals. I love the tiny hint of darkness you've worked into the poem, for a different, yet radiant view. Great work! = ]

-Brittany

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on July 17, 2011
Last Updated on July 17, 2011
Tags: freedom, poetry, life, experiences

Author

Steph K
Steph K

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Simple things inspire me. more..

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A Poem by Steph K



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