A Story by Voice11

Wrote this a while ago, up for any suggestions on how to continue it


       "No matter what, I'll never be able to forget you" he said over the phone. A tear slides down my cheek, words catching in my throat as I choke back a sob. He'll never know how much I care, but I can't ask him back now. So I swallow my sorrow and let out an indifferent mumble that doesn't mean anything, pretending I didn't hear him speak. Yet  those words are the only thing running through my mind over and over and over again. While my mind struggles to find something to say that is not what I'm feeling, my heart is screaming through the pain and my pride to say the words I never could say. The clock strikes the hour and it is time for me to go. So we say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone. The loudness of the silence makes me finally break and I let out a loud and heartfelt sob. Holding back my feelings kills me everytime I hear your voice. For the rest of the night I stare at the wall where your first poem to me is pinned. "Maybe someday" it says. I wish someday would come, but in my heart I know its over, someday will never come. I lay my head down with a million sad thoughts running through my mind and quietly start to cry untill the morning light shines in my window...

© 2009 Voice11

Author's Note

any ideas will help to create an awesome story!

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I don't know that I can give you any ideas as to where you should head with this story....but I can tell you that the start you have to this one is great. You have good use of metaphors to describe your emotions. Flawless and to a pin point, you capture every mood of the story. So, I would say this is a great start to what should be a great story. I love emotion and soul. Great work of art here! I love it!


Posted 11 Years Ago

Well, you can continue this in a lot of ways- it could be one of those stories about getting over heartbreak or it could be about how the girl gets the guy in the end. Either way, I'm sure this will make a great story. ^^ Also, you spelled "until" wrong in the last line. XD

Posted 11 Years Ago

Very deep and I can feel you emotion this is a really great, raw, straight from the heart piece. Wonderful write!!!


Posted 11 Years Ago

Wow, this piece is really strong. What about exploring the back story of how this part came to be. Like, go into a flashback of the relationship between the characters or explore what that poem was that the character was writing.

Posted 11 Years Ago

Continue with struggles and things of how your guyses awkward relationship is .

Posted 11 Years Ago

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5 Reviews
Added on May 29, 2009
Last Updated on June 11, 2009



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