Levels of Consciousness

Trying to create something new.... this will be the first chapter of many as the story unfolds.

 There was once a time when innocence roamed the Earth.

The birth of Mother Nature was well observed;

 all things remained untouched and preserved.

Even dust bowed in her presence. 

 

Her windfall words pollinated the planet.

 Her thunderous chimes, through cloudy deliverance,

 gave hope to a rock once lost in nothingness.

  

As time evolved things seemed to change…

 

 Roots of immunity became infected and the cries went unheard.

Life migrated from the skies proclaiming themselves as Gods.

This discovered land served as the new providence. 

Unknowingly, the Earth’s breath shortened with each pull of soil.  

 

Islands emerged from the depths of the sea.

Rivers of fire flowed carelessly.

Soon the colors, once vibrant, began to fade.

From afar, Lucifer smiled in recognition of his achievements.

The laws of love began to overturn.

The dawn of technology now defiled all levels of consciousness. 

 

 

Author's Note

Leaving it as a poem for now.

Reviews

[Carl]

I really like this. Loved the prelude. Especially the earth losing breath as each pull of the soil is delivered. It's like the Earth is fighting back. trying with all her might to cling on to what is rightfuly hers.This could go in so many directions. I can see 4 already, but like all good gardener's don't want to give away the plot. As for being raw, I like raw it shows you are not afraid to try new things and hone your craft. What's the first rule of story telling,Get the idea down. Get a peice of paper write 1 and a short idea of what happens in chapter 1 then do the same with 2 and 3 and so on til you get to 10 or untill you get to story's end. That way you always have an idea of what will happen as the story unfolds. Great concepts do not have to be complicated just simple ideas written well. Gald to see you have both the concept and the ability to write well as this opening peice so rightly proves. Great work
More power to you
Hope i'm in your story
Much Love and Reapect LiLi
carl

[Pax Analog]

Some striking lines, echoes of Blake sensibility.

Would like to see more differentiation re levels and cycles of consciousness. Works of Jean Gebser and Ken Wilber recommmended. Or Feuerstein's intro Structures of Consciousness.

"Her windfall words pollinated the planet" -- exemplary great line.

"Life Out of Chaos" seems more the signature of this poem, as is. Lines are strong; concept needs work.

[WindSinger]

I love the prelude but it would be cool to see a transition from the prelude to the part. :) Otherwise this will definately be a good book since it will have substance to it.

[Dionysus Cain]

it was cool, i dont know i liked the prelude and it had me wanting more and the story just didnt deliver. I t could have been more exciting to me, but it isnt bad.

[J. Hampton]

I am intrigued...

this could continue spiritually or socio-metophoric or straight sc-fi from here
a world of potential Li ...!

I like ...get crackin' !!! ( please send when ou work the next part up ! )

Blessssssssssssss

[☮]

I am definitely feeling this. It's what I think of Earth today... at least one of my theories. I think the intro is extremely relevant to the current state of our planet and how it came to be this way. I'm looking forward to seeing where this character goes.

[T. R. Writer]

umm... I liked it, really shows a lot of growth from some of your earlier work... I agree with the dude under me... it nees to be polished, but I couldnt' begin to tell you where. The imagery to me is beautiful, but perhaps, again like he said, they could be more concrete. In any case, as I read this I couldn't help but think back to some of the first poems I read from you and this totally shows a lot growth.

[walt whitman]

Great! deff needs to be polished and more concrete images.