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There Beside You

There Beside You

A Story by Strife
"

A young women goes on a night out to the theater and finds her wimp of an ex-boyfriend attending the same play. However, this specific show reveals someone's true darkness.

"

She entered the theater and took her seat. The lights had already dimmed and she stared towards the stage. She had waited several weeks to see this show, this new revival of Sweeney Todd. Her gaze, however, was interrupted by a series of “pardon me’s.” She recognized the voice as a very soft and polite one with a slight British accent. Her suspicions were confirmed when the voice, along with a body, took the seat next to her, and was close enough to be seen. It appeared to be a young man with light hair hanging down.

“Is that you?” she asked.

“Huh?" was the initial reply. “Alexis?” he asked. “Oh Alexis, it is you. My goodness, what a charming turn of events this turned out to be,” said the young man, with a smile.

“What are you doing here?” she snapped.

“Pardon?” the question came so fast that the young man was taken aback for a few moments. “Well, I just thought it would nice to come to the theater, every once in a while,” he timidly responded.

“You better not be stalking me,” snapped Alexis.

“What? Oh I’d never do that to you, honestly.”

“Hmph,” was all she said as she gave him the cold shoulder.

The young man attempted one last apology, “I-I’m really sorry to have bothered you.”

“Just shut up so I can enjoy the show,” she said.

“Oh, okay,” was all he muttered.

‘See?’ she thought. ’This is exactly why I left him. He’s such a wimp.’

The factory whistle blew and all the actors assembled on stage. “Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd,” they sang.

“Oh my,” said the young man. “This is very dark.” He gulped and stared at the stage, trembling.

“Be quiet,” she snapped.

“I hope nothing happens…to…”

“The Demon Barber of Fleet Street,” the actors sang.

Throughout the entire play, Alexis enjoyed how every little scare made the young man jump and give a quiet “eep!”

The young man however, did not enjoy the show at all. As the actors sang about vengeance and hatred, something inside him swelled up. Something deep inside him, that made him shiver and sweat at the same time. What the young man feared most had taken over him, and there was nothing more that he could do to repress it. He tried one last time to speak as himself, “A-Ale…Alex…is…”

“See? This is why I’m not sorry I cheated on you. You’re not even much of a man. Jesus Christ, grow some balls. Any real man (or person) would know that this is just a great show, but you probably think…”

Alexis was interrupted by a corse voice with a slight British accent that seemed to come from right beside her, “What are you talking about? I think it’s bloody brilliant.”

She turned to see the same young man sitting beside her. However, he, instead of slouching,  was sitting up straight with his legs apart and an malevolent grin on his face. He glared at her with malicious, gleaming eyes.

As soon as his glare met her, Alexis froze. After several seconds, she was barely able to tremble in fear, at the presence of this new spirit that had seemed to posses the previously timid young man. Her breathing quickened and her voice cracked as the young man beside her grabbed her face and forced it to look towards the stage.

“See?” he started pointing towards the stage. “This is the part where the main character kills the b***h that had been lying to him the entire time. Let’s watch.”

Alexis caught a glimpse of a metallic gleam from his hand but couldn’t scream.

From the stage, a loud scream ran through the theater as the actress on stage played death. The young man left his seat and forced his way out of the theater.

As he made his way past the lobby, the ticketmaster asked, "Leaving early sir?"

"Yes," said the young man. "I've reached an epiphany." He chuckled as he swung the door open.

The actors sang and no one noticed anything, and the young man sang his favorite lines.

“Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd, he severed a dark and a hungry god. To seek revenge may lead to hell but everyone does it though seldom as well, as Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street.”

After that, the theater was closed due to police investigation.

© 2008 Strife


Author's Note

Strife
tell me what you like about it and point out whatever you feel needs improvement

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Featured Review

It all started and ended suddenly, with no comprehensible beginning or end to the characters. Much like a dream, nothing was very defined, but you could feel it's presence. You could've made it seem more sinister or what have you if you had described the setting of the theater more, if you know what I mean.

At first, the Woman seemed like a ruthless b***h, and the Man seemed like a sniveling a*s. Very much stock characters if I must say so myself, almost as if you had ripped them out of some romantic comedy. But then, without warning, just one statement made by the Man, their entire character change. No foreshadowing at all.

The Woman was suddenly submissive and quiet, not like the outspoken shrew you made her out to be. It would've been more in-character if she had screamed and objected, not just let this Man, one who she had been trapped with in a bad relationship, take control of her. And the Man, who was a quiet and stammering, suddenly turned into an impulsive monster with sociopathic tendencies. I mean, did he draw inspiration from the play? He hardly seems like the type of person who is willing to decide that quickly to step up to his opponent.

Like the reviewer below me said, it might have been better if it had been longer. Maybe put in some better character development?

Hope I didn't come off too harsh. ^_^ Happy camping.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I loved it all up till the ending points, as I think it was too abrupt. But overall I really really liked the story, although it could use some detail. Cheers, awesome story by the way, xD.

Posted 12 Years Ago


this is great. defidently approving it for the group. lots of laughs!

Posted 12 Years Ago


well, dear, this is amazing. You are a fiction writer. A damned good one.

Why was it you were wrestling with poetry you don't care for when you can write like this?

Posted 12 Years Ago


It all started and ended suddenly, with no comprehensible beginning or end to the characters. Much like a dream, nothing was very defined, but you could feel it's presence. You could've made it seem more sinister or what have you if you had described the setting of the theater more, if you know what I mean.

At first, the Woman seemed like a ruthless b***h, and the Man seemed like a sniveling a*s. Very much stock characters if I must say so myself, almost as if you had ripped them out of some romantic comedy. But then, without warning, just one statement made by the Man, their entire character change. No foreshadowing at all.

The Woman was suddenly submissive and quiet, not like the outspoken shrew you made her out to be. It would've been more in-character if she had screamed and objected, not just let this Man, one who she had been trapped with in a bad relationship, take control of her. And the Man, who was a quiet and stammering, suddenly turned into an impulsive monster with sociopathic tendencies. I mean, did he draw inspiration from the play? He hardly seems like the type of person who is willing to decide that quickly to step up to his opponent.

Like the reviewer below me said, it might have been better if it had been longer. Maybe put in some better character development?

Hope I didn't come off too harsh. ^_^ Happy camping.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

That was really good! You can probably make it longer though so that it doesn't end so fast. It was a good read!
-Twilight

Posted 12 Years Ago



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Added on September 18, 2008

Author

Strife
Strife

McAllen, TX



About
I'm Strife, and I joined because I'm aspiring writer (sorta) and I just wanted to make sure whatever I write doesn't end up being horrible. I don't have a favorite author, but I probably should. Sayi.. more..

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